Heart of Stone
by Nuwanda31
Summary: When Reid learns he has a daughter, his whole world is turned upside down. He has a huge decision to make, knowing the wrong choice could ruin more than one life, especially the one he's hoping for with Maeve. Before he can make his decision, Reid learns of a serious debt her mother left behind. Reid knows his daughter is in danger and must make sure she isn't the one to pay.
1. Sunday Mornings

Summary: Spencer Reid lives a very complicated life. What with such a stressful job, gaining a new Ph.D, and his budding romance with a mysterious young woman whom he's never laid eyes upon, every day seems more stressful than the last. But with one phone call, everything turns completely upside down. He is reminded of a woman from his past, someone he never believed he'd see again. Dying tragically, she has left behind her one month old daughter, Madeline, and it seems her anonymous father is none other than the BAU's signature genius.

Reid is now faced with the decision of whether or not to take permanent custody of his daughter. He needs to choose between turning his life around to raise her or putting her up for adoption. Giving her up could fill him with regret for the rest of his life, but keeping her might ruin everything he could have with Maeve. Before he can even make his decision, however, Reid and the others discover some unfinished business her sickly mother left behind. That of a debt owed to some very dangerous people. Reid knows his daughter is in danger and will do whatever it takes to make sure she isn't the one to pay for her mother's burdens.

Disclaimer: Criminal Minds is the property of CBS, the actors, writers, and producers of the show. I have no authority over anything except original characters.

* * *

She was crying again, her wails and screams filling the three tiny rooms of the trailer. It wasn't wrong. Babies cry, that's what they were supposed to do. But this baby couldn't do that, not if they were going to survive.

When they first came here, when she was just a few days old, it wasn't hard to keep her quiet. Caroline would jump up at just a coo from the child, comforting her with anything she needed, from being nursed to a dry diaper to just being cuddled in her mother's arms. It was just them, the two women against the world, and Caroline felt very confident they would make it through.

That was weeks ago. Not even a month since she'd given birth, and she knew now she'd been naive to think she didn't need more help, even if it was too expensive. Even if she were on the lam. Now she was so tired, she could barely move. She felt so weak, she couldn't even get out of bed to attend to her newborn daughter... her crying was going out for miles, telling anyone nearby who might be hunting them exactly where they were.

No, she had to get to her daughter. She could make it through this, she just had to be a little stronger, fight a little harder. Caroline Bailey was no quitter.

Like climbing out of the ocean that was pulling her into its sinking depths, Caroline managed to climb out of bed. Her pajamas were old and wrinkled. She hadn't changed or showered in three days, nor had she found the strength to clean the house or take out the garbage. Were Social Services to see this place, they'd take her daughter away without a single word. That would change soon. She just needed a little more time to get her strength back and then she would be better.

"Mommy's here," Caroline gasped as she made it to the bassinet It was barely ten feet away, yet getting up and walking over was like running a marathon to the ill woman. She reached into the fabric and, mustering all her strength, lifted the tiny seven pound baby that to her, felt like the weight of a bowling ball.

Even held in the safe, warm arms of her mother could not silence the little girl. Caroline tried to think back to how long she'd been lying in that bed, ignoring her daughter's screaming. Her diaper was exceedingly full, probably not changed for a few hours.

Looking to the shade drawn window, the woman noticed the streaks of the yellow lamp post, slipping in. It must be very late, and she knew when she put her baby down last, it was early morning.

Laying the baby on the changing table, she slipped away for a second to find the supplies. The box of wipes was knocked to the floor, standing open. The first few ones inside had gone dry, but the ones underneath were fine. The bottle of baby powder sat beside it on it's side. Picking it up, she gave it a shake and realized there was nothing inside.

Tossing it in the trash can, which was overflowing with dirty diapers she went to the box of clean ones, reaching in to find only cardboard.

"No," she whispered. She couldn't have run out. There had to be more.

Easing herself onto her knees, Caroline stuck her head into the box to see, but indeed it was empty. Her heart pounded as she started to panic, searching all over the table for one. There had to be one. Damnit, her daughter needed it.

Like a miracle, Caroline reached into the darkest area underneath and landed on the soft plastic of their last remaining diaper. She sobbed with relief, struggling to stand back up again.

But her joy didn't last long. She practically started weeping as she cleaned her daughter over, seeing the bright red patches of diaper rash covering her little bottom and the top of her chubby thighs. No wonder she kept screaming; she was in so much pain.

This couldn't go on. Her daughter needed help and attention. She was wearing her last diaper and Caroline felt much too weak to nurse. There wasn't one can of formula here, nor a bottle.

The baby hadn't calmed much. Her cries were quieter, but they still moaned out into the night. She needed food, she needed a bath... she needed love. And Caroline couldn't give her any of it.

But there was someone who could.

She hadn't thought about him until that day that morning they said goodbye; a kind but final parting. She thought of him many times after, though. Of course, Caroline assumed they would never speak again. Maybe someday, their paths would have crossed once again, as they had in the bar, and she would have told him about the child the created, but it wasn't necessary. They were fine on their own.

Caroline had to face facts. She was sick and she was never going to get better. It was too late to seek medical help, and the hopes she would get a transplant were nonexistent, not when the committee learned what she had done. She was going to die, and then her baby would be all alone in the world... left for those monsters to find her, and do God only knew to her.

Unless she were taken in by her father. He could give her a good life. He was smart and kind and loving... at that moment, she had never been more grateful such a wonderful man was the father of her child.

In the morning, things would be better. No matter what it took, tomorrow morning she'd get up, she'd shower, she'd go to the market and get everything she needed for her baby... and then she'd call Spencer Reid. She'd ask him - when he was available, but as soon as possible - to meet her. Caroline would tell him everything and apologize for waiting so long. She'd tell him about her illness and then ask him to take their daughter, to raise her and give her the life she deserved. Caroline couldn't force him, but she had to do all she could for her little girl.

Everything would be fine in the morning, after she had some rest. The cries of the baby seemed to fade away as she closed her eyes. For the last time.

* * *

This corner was noisy, but he didn't have much time before the team would be up. He could just wait until he was home this afternoon, but they always talked in the morning. He didn't want her to worry. She always worried so much when he was out of town.

Reid snuck out of the hotel room at 7:30. The rest of the team wasn't meeting for breakfast until 8. That didn't give them much time, but he'd take anything just to hear her voice. When his alarm went off, he quickly showered and dressed, rushing through the deserted corridors to get down to the lobby. He had spotted the pay phone when they checked in last Thursday, already calculating when he could connect with her.

New York was truly the city that never sleeps. Already, so early in the cold morning, cars were zooming down the road. A few people were even filing out of the surrounding buildings. This was a rather upscale neighborhood. The sun hadn't even breached the tops of the skyscrapers; most of these people were probably heading to church. Reid had his own custom this Sunday morning. And for the past six months, he followed it religiously.

The phone was unoccupied. Phone booths were so rarely used nowadays, more for tourists or last resorts when cell phones didn't work. He had to admit, it was a rather romantic ritual, using an almost outdated piece of technology to connect with someone. It could be the equivalent of letters left at the front gates by young men for the forbidden woman they loved.

He pulled the few quarters out of his pocket, picking up the receiver and popped them in the slot. He dialed the number, waited for the command and punched in the code. When he heard the tone, Reid immediately hung up. And now, he waited.

He hadn't brought anything down to read, his go bag waiting on the bed in his room. The minutes ticked by the little time they had, and still Reid waited. Where was she?

As his panic began to rise, the phone finally rang. Reid picked it up before the chime could even resonate, answering with a rushed. "Hello?"

"Hey," her soft, yet excited voice said on the other end. "It's a little early."

"I'm sorry," He answered, unable to stop the smile on his face. "I don't have much time... I'm... in New York City."

"What are you doing up there?" She wondered. "A weekend getaway with another lovely girl?"

He didn't want to jump to conclusions, but he swore her teasing was mixed with a bit of worry and jealousy. He should feel ashamed at the prideful feeling that ignited through him at that moment.

"No," he replied. "We got caught up on a case, it took us longer than usual to track down the killer, we didn't catch him until yesterday afternoon." He paused, taking a swallow.

"I see you didn't need any of my help this time." There was a light chuckle in the throat as she said that. "I kept expecting you to call, actually."

"Trust me, I wanted to... and not because of the case..." He caught himself, knowing he might be pushing his boundaries again. Reid had done that last week and it obviously upset her. "My boss thought it would be nice if we could all spend an evening in the city... I wanted to protest, but..."

"You didn't want to tell them about me?" She finished for him.

That had sounded like such a logical explanation in his head, but as Reid heard it through the phone, he instantly felt ashamed.

"It's not... that..." he stammered a bit, "that... I wouldn't want them to know about you..."

"I understand, Spencer," She answered, and he could tell she was smiling. "You're trying to keep me safe. You have no idea what it means to me that you understand everything I'm going through."

"Well..." Reid uttered, trying to find the right words again. "It's not just that... I guess I don't want to tell them because... I like that you're mine."

There was a pause on the other end and her voice sounded slightly lighter as she responded. "I'm yours, am I?"

"I just mean... you're a part of my life that I don't have to share with anyone." He explained. "I know it's only been six months and... I know I've never seen you, but... you've become very special to me, Maeve. You're unlike any person I've ever known."

She giggled softly. "Believe me, I know the feeling."

There was so many questions he wanted to ask. Did she really mean what she said last week, or had that just been a slip? Maybe just a desperate girl who secretly wanted help, but was too selfless to get anyone else involved. The thing was, meant it or not... Reid did mean it. He just wasn't sure if should say it... if he could say it...

"So, when are coming back to DC?" She asked into the silence. Perhaps he could have said it, but the subject was changed.

"This morning," He answered. "My friends and I are grabbing breakfast and then the jet's supposed to be ready by 11. I should be home by 1."

"It must be so hard to do what you do." Maeve said in a engrossed tone. "In my work, 90% of everything I do is theoretical. You come face to face with real killers and victims and... death..." Her voice caught slightly on the last word, as if that were something she tried days on end not to think about, but couldn't stop herself. "And danger... I can't help but think what might happen to you when you're out there in the world. I never even know where you are until you come home."

"I'm being safe, Maeve, I promise." Reid said leaning against the glass of the booth. "You're the one I worry about... I wish I could be there... to protect you."

She giggled again. "I never thought I'd find my knight in shining armor through a brain scan."

At that, his face burned hot. Reid was glad she couldn't see him, because he was sure his face was bright red. "I don't remember reading that one in Grimm's Fairy Tales."

"Maybe it's a new version." She joked. "Industries have changed those stories so many times, so few people know the true versions today."

"I know what you mean, my friend JJ thought it was horrible when I told her in the original version of The Little Mermaid, the mermaid dies in the end." He cried. "She told me that's a terrible lesson for children to learn."

"It think it's perfect." Maeve argued. "Children need to learn that not all love stories end with a happily ever after."

Reid felt a twinge of fear at that. She was right, not everything worked out the way a person hoped or would even want in the end. Sometimes it turned out terribly. Hadn't his parents fallen in love once? They got married, they had a son... and then they were torn apart. It happened every day, in every country of the world. It could just as easily happen to a man, talking in a phone booth.

He was startled when a loud tap sounded on the glass. In the dim of the sunlight he could make out a short, elderly man with a bitter expression. He banged on the glass with his umbrella, demanding to know when the young man would be done occupying it.

Reid instantly checked his watch. Already, they'd spent most of the half hour. Reid had six minutes to get back to the hotel. "Maeve, I have to go."

"Already?" She asked, despondent. "It seems like we never get enough time to talk."

"Well," Reid turned his back to the old man to ignore him. He could wait another minute, "we could talk more often."

A long pause followed, but Reid wouldn't push her this time. All he did was wait.

"Didn't we cover this last week, Spencer?" She asked with exasperation.

"I know we did," He lowered his voice, as if someone could possibly be listening. "But... once a week is not enough... I think about you all the time. Talking with you on the phone is better company than any of my friends... maybe it's greedy, but I'd like to have as much of that as I can."

The old man came to the other side of the window, tapping again. His scowl had become even more threatening, tapping harder. Still, Reid waited. He wouldn't be intimidated.

"Maeve?" He finally pressed when the silence was too much to bear.

"Spencer," she nearly whispered. "I want to talk to you more, too... I think it's better if we stick to Sundays, but... if you do need me. If something's wrong and you need to turn to someone... I'll be here."

When the old man smacked harder, Reid angrily reached into his pocket, whipping out his FBI badge. He slammed it onto the glass, right at the man's eye level. He pursed his lips, but backed up slightly, knowing he had to wait his turn.

"That's good to know." Reid answered. "I wish there was a way I could return the courtesy."

He heard her let out a breath on the other end. A moment later, it was followed, "Just be safe so you can keep coming back to me every week. That's all I ask of you."

Smiling uncontrollably again, Reid answered. "I will."

Silence followed again, the two hanging on to the last few moments together, both seeming to want to beg the other not to go.

"I'll talk to you next Sunday." Reid said.

"I'll be waiting." Maeve replied. "Bye."

She hung up quickly, as always. And this time she didn't say it. So it had just been a slip. Reid should have known... still, even if she hadn't meant it, even if it was just out of desperation, it didn't stop the way he felt. It didn't stop him from falling in love with her.

Reid rushed out of the phone booth, and the old man nearly shoved him aside to get in. He didn't care. It was 8:01 and his friends weren't ones to be tardy. Running at full speed down the block, Reid hurried to the hotel.

Sure enough, as he dashed into the lobby seated just by reception, there sat JJ, Morgan, and Blake, conversing animatedly. All of them were happy to have had a relaxing night, and to know they had the next day off. It would be enough to make anyone happy, but in less than thirty minutes, the one thing Reid looked forward to all week... was over.

"There he is!" JJ called as she spotted Reid walk in. He hoped he could sneak by them to the elevators, grab his bag, and come back down. No such luck.

"Where've you been?" Morgan asked, looking him over suspiciously. "I knocked on your door fifteen minutes ago, I thought you were still sleeping."

"I called your phone a few minutes ago." Blake added. "I left you a voicemail that we could just meet you later."

"No, no... I was up." Reid said, quickly thinking of an excuse. "I just... needed a little fresh air this morning."

"So you got dressed and... ran around the block?" JJ questioned. "It would explain why your cheeks are so pink."

Morgan couldn't help but smile. "Why the sudden burst of energy, kid? What's got you so pumped up?"

"I'll just grab my bag." Reid said, backing away. He would not give in to this conversation. "It'll just take a minute."

He hurried through the lobby down the hall towards the elevators. Reaching it, his fingers collided into the Up button, pressing it feverishly nearly ten times. His foot was tapping nervously as he waited, the hum of the car sounding behind the doors, inching much too slowly down to his level.

"Hey," a comforting voice said behind him. Reid froze a bit, not wanting to get into a discussion about this now, but if he could trust anyone, it was her.

Reid turned to Blake, who gave him a smile. "How's Phone Booth Girl?"

He glanced back down the hall, but there was no one in sight. JJ and Morgan were none the wiser. "Why do you think I was talking to her?"

"Why else would you be blushing?" She was teasing him lightly, but he was too adorable not to. Like watching a young teenage boy find his first love. Only it was better. Reid was much wiser and more experienced than an asinine teenager. He wouldn't make some foolish mistake with a girl.

He hung his head a bit. "She's doing well... we didn't get to talk for very long, but there's always next week."

Reid waited for the questions, but Blake had more respect for him than to start an interrogation. "It's amazing how wonderful the world is when you fall in love, isn't it? Suddenly everything seems so perfect."

She couldn't have been more right about that. Even seeing all the depravity around him, his heart was filled with so much joy and relief. This was more than just some chemical response in his brain. Science could not explain the counteraction these two souls had made together.

The doors opened, finally. "I'll be down in a minute, I just need my bag."

Blake gave him a smile. She wasn't inquisitive and she wasn't nosy. She was just happy for him, as a friend should when one was falling in love.

Still, though, as the doors closed, Reid began to mull over their conversation, as he always did. He wasn't sure if he regretted it or if he were relieved. Perhaps it was best he hadn't told her he loved her. After all, they'd never met. How can you possibly love someone when you'd never even laid eyes on them?

His room was at the end of the hall. Reid whipped out his key card and opened it on one try. Years of slight of hand tricks made him an expert at these modern locks. He pushed it open quickly, not even bothering to close it as he grabbed both his bag from the bed and his phone from the bedside table.

His phone. A Nokia 3310. It didn't even get email or the internet, but it was practically indestructible It survived falls and smashes, even jumping into the water with him a few times. Yet here it stood, getting his calls and texts and holding his voicemail, which was lit up on the screen.

Only, the voicemail he expected wasn't the only one there. It was listed as two, one from several minutes ago... and one from 8 o'clock exactly.

Nervous, Reid called the inbox, typing in his password to receive the messages. First he heard Blake's, which he deleted almost at once. There was no need to listen. After the automatic introduction, the second started, loud and clear.

"Hello, my is Sophia Rodriguez, I work for The Social Services Department in Washington DC. I'm calling for Dr. Spencer Reid. I'm sorry to call you on a Sunday, but I have a very urgent matter at hand that we need to discuss. If you could, give me a call back at 202-555-7110, Ext. 209 at your earliest convenience. I will be in the office until 7 tonight. Again, I must stress, this is an urgent matter at hand and I need to speak to you as soon as possible. Thank you."

The message ended and the automated requests came on for command. That was an odd message. Reid had gotten calls from Social Services before, but that was because of his mother. And they always were from the Las Vegas area. There had been no case within the last year that dealt with them, it didn't make any sense they were calling him.

"Reid?" A voice called from his doorway. He turned to find Hotch standing there, watching him curiously. "I thought you'd already be in the lobby."

"I'm... about to go down, I just... I had a voicemail I had to check." He explained.

Concerned, he asked. "Is everything alright?"

"It was just... an odd message." He stared down at his phone, as if the screen would give him more answers. But even the modern day phones couldn't tell him what to do. "DC Social Services... can you think what that's about?"

Hotch was just as puzzled as he was. "I can't think of anything... I've heard of those services contacting agents in legal matters, but those complaints always go through me or Strauss. I've never heard of them contacting a subordinate agent directly."

"Should I call her back?" Reid wondered. "She did say it's urgent."

"She didn't give a specific reason?" Hotch inquired.

"No, only that she needed to see me as soon as possible." He clarified. "I can't imagine what that would be about."

"We'll, with your memory, I think it's safe to say you're not in trouble." He said to ease his mind. "For now, don't worry about it until we get home. These people tend to exaggerate, I'm sure it's not as imperative as she's making it sound."

He had a sense that Hotch was wrong, but still there was a fear on him. When Reid got calls from strangers, even when they fully explained themselves, it rarely worked out well. And now he had so much more to worry about... because he couldn't risk anyone getting to Maeve.

But maybe the love for this mysterious girl was making him paranoid. After all, Hotch knew more about the world than he did. This was probably nothing, and by this evening, he'd never think of it again.

* * *

A/N: I hope this story has intrigued you guys. I've been planning a Reid/Daughter series for almost a year now. As I said, I was intending on making it Reid/JJ, but something held me back. I just didn't feel a real chemistry with them (I never did, even in the first season) and I'm already in the middle of a Reid/Prentiss series (which, if any fans are reading this, I have not abandoned that! I've got too much planned for that series and updates will be coming soon.)

Just FYI, I'm not including Maeve's stalker in the first story. For one thing, the stalker is still pretty fresh and I need time to really work out a lot of those details, especially if I'm changing the timeline. (I've got plans, but I need to organize my thoughts if it's going to flow naturally.) Plus, if I include the story with the baby and the story with the stalker, I think it would get too complicated. I have to handle those separately.

As for the rating, it's going to be T for now. When the romance starts to get a little more heated, it might change. We'll see.

I do hope you guys will stick with the story. While I follow my own path, I know I have an obligation to fans to write something they'll love, otherwise I'll lose them, so I try to make you guys happy. I have a lot of stuff planned, though, so I hope you guys will stay tuned. :)


	2. Disturbing News

A/N: I have to admit, I am flabbergasted by the response! I honestly didn't think many people would like such an unconventional plot. I hope the enthusiasm continues as the story progresses and the case is introduced. I love you guys so much, you make me feel like a real writer! :)

* * *

The FBI never closed, but on a Sunday afternoon, the BAU was practically dead. As the team wandered in, they found the limited amount of agents consisted mostly of interns forced to work on the weekends and junior agents devoting their free time to try to move up in their careers. Heading to their respective desks and offices, the team prepared to spend the last few minutes that day, getting ready to flee.

"Anyone got plans to salvage the rest of their weekend?" Blake asked as she set her bag in her chair. All she had to do was empty out the files and leave them behind, where they'd be waiting when she came in to fill out reports Tuesday morning.

"I've got two boys at home who are waiting for me." JJ sighed as she walked through the bull pen. "I'm sure my entire day off will be spent chasing a three year old and doing the mounds of dishes Will can never do, but at least I'm at home."

"Maybe I'll stop by tomorrow." Reid voiced as he lifted his bag off his shoulder. "I haven't spent much time with Henry lately, I could take him to the park and give you a few hours to yourself."

JJ looked at him with intense gratitude. "That would be great, Spence. I'd owe you big time."

He gave her a smile as she went on her way, and went about clearing out his bag. Removing anything he didn't need until Tuesday, refilling it with the books and articles on his desk he was forced to leave behind. Although, he wasn't so sure he'd be doing much reading this afternoon. His mind was always distracted on Sundays. The day was young. He needed to stop by the used bookstore by the marina to pick up a book he ordered, but there was a payphone right outside. He could call Maeve again and they could have more time together today. It was still Sunday. He was allowed to call on Sundays.

"Reid," Hotch said as he and Rossi came through the pen. "Would you like to use my office?"

He looked at him for a moment, frightened, as if suspecting he had just read the young man's thoughts. Reid had no idea what to say, afraid his secret was finally out. He didn't want to talk about this. Maeve was his and he wasn't ready to share her with anyone. Until she was ready to come out, he wasn't going to release her.

"To call back that social worker." Hotch clarified. "From this morning?"

"Oh!" Reid exclaimed. "I forgot about that."

"You forgot?" Rossi asked, stopping in his tracks and looking back. "Are you feeling alright?"

Reid ran an anxious hand through his hair. "Yes, I'm fine, I'm just a bit distracted."

"Don't worry, Reid, I'm sure everything's fine. If you'd like a legal counsel, I could be in there with you."

"Uh..." Reid thought it best he handle this himself. The team always felt a responsibility to baby him, like he was still that rookie agent who couldn't be permitted a gun. Finding his unit chief's concerned gaze, he shook his head.

"You're probably right, this is nothing." He answered. "But, if it turns out to be something, I'll seek you out."

At first, it seemed Hotch was about to argue. Blake watched curiously, unsure what was going on. Reid hadn't mentioned anything to her about a social worker, so that didn't make it any of her business, but her regard for her friend kept her involved.

At last, Hotch nodded, offering his set of keys. "Use my office, it'll give you privacy."

By giving his keys, Reid knew this meant Hotch couldn't leave until Reid came back out. Somehow, though, he wasn't bothered by that. Whatever this was, no matter what he had built up in his mind, it wouldn't be any cause of worry in a few minutes. Accepting the jagged metal, Reid grabbed his cell and headed up the steps to the catwalk. He didn't look back as he unlocked the door and let himself in.

"What do you think that's about?" Rossi questioned with reverence.

They all watched as Reid went to each window, closing the blinds. "I have an idea." Hotch said, glancing at both him and Blake. She'd taken post at her desk and didn't intend on leaving. "Why else would a social worker be contacting him?"

"His mother." Rossi answered solemnly.

Blake was lost, sitting up a bit. "What about his mother?"

"Don't you know?" Rossi wondered, looking over to her.

"I've known him for a while, but... you guys know, Reid's a very private person. When I've asked him about his family, he... gives a vague answer and reciprocates the subject back to me. Or changes it completely. All I know about her is that she lives in Vegas and he sees her a few times a year."

Hotch looked to his colleague, who matched his unsure expression. "Perhaps it not our place to tell you, but... Reid's mother is a paranoid schizophrenic. She lives in a sanitarium in Las Vegas."

Blake was stunned. She could understand why Reid wouldn't tell many people about that. It wasn't exactly a prideful part of someone's life. She just hoped if there were a problem, she could find a way to help.

"If needs be, we'll make accommodations for him." Rossi informed. "Give him any personal time he needs... I'm sure Morgan wouldn't mind going with him, either."

"I'd go," Blake announced. "If he'd want me to come along."

"We're jumping to conclusions." Hotch urged them to see. "We don't even know if anything's wrong, this could be a misunderstanding at her hospital, for all we know."

Somehow, Hotch knew that wasn't the case. Case workers didn't call for simple misunderstandings. And, judging by the doubtful expressions from both his subordinates, they knew the same.

* * *

From one to the other, Reid closed the blinds, darkening the room slightly. He liked the added privacy. At least he didn't feel like a goldfish anymore.

He could have called from his cell, but as reliable as he found it, he couldn't risk the signal cutting out at a bad time. Besides, the land line of the FBI was one of the safest ones in the country. Not that anyone would find this very interesting, but he was a very cautious man. Especially since he'd come to know Maeve. He'd never been so close to the dealings of a stalker without doing something about it. He couldn't think how easily it was for one soul to track your every whereabouts. Better safe than sorry.

Taking a seat at the desk, Reid picked up the receiver. His long index finger quickly punched in the ten digit number with the tiniest thought, waiting for the line to connect. It rang twice before an automated voice answered.

_Hello, thank you for calling The District of Columbia Social Services. We are unable to assist you in your call at this time. Our regular hours are Monday - Friday from 9 am to 5 pm._

Reid had a sudden sense of annoyance as he heard that. The social worker had said she'd be there until seven; how was he supposed to contact her. Luckily, the voice continued.

_If you know the extension of the party you'd like to reach, please dial it now along with the pound key, otherwise please leave your name and number and we'll-_

Quickly, Reid dialed the extension, hitting pound and waiting. Again, he was followed by a set of rings. He expected at least a voicemail greeting to come through after a moment. But all that followed was ring after ring, and the seconds ticked on.

At last, it was answered. "Sophia Rodriguez."

Reid cleared his throat, taking by surprise at the sound of a human voice. It took a moment remember what to say.

"Hello, Ms. Rodriguez, this is Dr. Reid. I'm returning your call from this morning." He declared.

"Oh, Dr. Reid, thank you!" She exclaimed, and he could tell she sounded relieved. "I was afraid you wouldn't get back to me."

He wasn't about to say he wasn't sure if he should. Swallowing, his throat had suddenly felt very dry, he said, "Your message told me this was an urgent matter. I... didn't know what that could entail. Is it about my mother?"

"Your mother?" She asked, perplexed. "Uh...no, sir, I don't work with your mother. I've just been handed a new case. Normally, I'd wait until business hours, but... we'd like to get it taken care of right away, one way or another."

"I see," Reid replied. "What is this about exactly?"

Rodriguez explained. "First, I'll need to ask you some questions. Now, you have the right to refrain from counsel, but we always advise people to have a lawyer present. Would you like to postpone until you have counsel?"

Reid wasn't sure what to say about this. He didn't have an attorney. Other than Hotch, he didn't know any attorneys. What could possibly be so important that he needed legal aid?

"Am I in trouble?" He asked, going on the defensive. "I mean, am I being accused of a crime?"

"Absolutely not, sir," Rodriguez urged. "It's just protocol, and it does protect your rights if something in deliberations goes wrong. Are you waving your right to an attorney?"

He didn't understand. If he wasn't in trouble, why did he need a lawyer so bad? He hadn't broken the law... he never did anything.

Still, though, something in his gut told him he shouldn't turn down this offer. It could turn against him later. "I'd like to have a lawyer present. I have one near by, if you'd like I can pull him in here."

"No, no, sir, for something like this, we'd much rather set up a face to face meeting." She explained. "Are you and your lawyer available today?"

Hopefully he wasn't ruining any of Hotch's plans. He didn't have time to run out and ask. "Yes... this afternoon."

"Wonderful, the quicker we can clean this up, the better for everyone." She retorted. "So we could meet at your apartment about 3 o'clock today. Could you confirm your address for me?"

"Actually," He had a better idea. "We could meet at the FBI headquarters, at the Behavioral Analysis Unit. There's not many people today, we wouldn't be interfering with any work."

She seemed to think for a moment. "Alright, we'll see you in a few hours then. Hopefully we can get this taken care of quickly. Goodbye, Dr. Reid."

Before he could say another word, the line clicked and the call ended. Reid looked at the receiver with quizzically before he set it back on it's spot. He was even more confused than when he stepped in here.

* * *

"They gave you no indication what this was about?" Hotch asked for what, Reid knew, was the fifth time. They were together in the conference room, making the most of the abnormally quiet unit.

When he'd come out of the office, Reid had never looked so confused and worried in the same moment. He came down the catwalk and told his friends everything he knew. That this social worker whom he'd never met before in his life and knew no one in his family wanted to speak to him in person. A matter that was so severe, he needed an attorney present. Something about that seemed so off, and Blake even suggested if they'd perhaps had the wrong person. But how many Dr. Spencer Reid's were there in the world?

"All she said was she wanted to ask me a few questions." Reid clarified yet again. Hotch was comfortable enough to sit, with a legal pad and ball point pen, just in case he needed to keep a record of this. Reid, however, was much too nervous to sit, pacing slowly back and forth around the room. They would be here any minute.

"She didn't even tell you why you would need a lawyer?" Hotch wondered. "I'm still licensed, Reid, but I was prosecutor. If this is something other than criminal law, you might be better off finding someone in the specialized field you need."

"Even if I knew what this was about, I wouldn't want to waste time finding an attorney that I'm not acquainted with and don't trust. Secondly," He stopped before the opened blinds by the window, staring down in to the visitor parking lot six stories below. It glowed with the lowering sun right behind it, leading into the last hours of light that day. The lot was usually barren on the weekends, but today a blue Ford had pulled into the spot closest to the entrance. He recognized a car like that, more often used by undercover cops. "Besides, when I asked, they said it was just protocol."

"Oh," Hotch nodded. "That usually means I'm here more protecting their rights than yours."

Silently, two people got out. One a dark haired woman of Spanish decent and a tall man wearing a dress shirt and jeans. Reid had been trained to immediately search for an obvious weapon, and saw just the tip of one sticking out of a holster in his pants. He must be a policeman.

Turning to Hotch he asked. "What do you mean?"

"Whatever reason they want to talk to you, if you make a decision and decide later you want to change your mind, you can't use the excuse the social worker confused you or tricked you. I'm here to give you advice, so you can't claim later you were denied your rights."

"Well," Reid shrugged a bit. "I guess that's nice."

Hotch knew he had asked over and over, but just one more time he needed to be sure. "You really have no idea or even the hint of an idea what this might be about? Anything at all?"

It was only the question Reid had been thinking of over and over. He knew it couldn't be his mother, that had been confirmed... the only other person it could be... was the person no one could know about. But what would a social worker want with Maeve? Was her stalker so severe the law had to get involved, even without her request? Or maybe the stalker was trying to lure her out, accusing her of a crime she hadn't committed. If the stalker knew about Reid, he might have reported the young genius was an accomplice or knew something about the subject... and these two people would get him to admit something that wasn't true.

Still, though, Maeve was too precious to Reid to even give Hotch the slightest hint about her. "No, sir." He answered with confidence. "I don't."

That was good enough for him.

It was so quiet, they heard the elevator chime, signifying their arrival. Both men jumped up, heading back out to the catwalk to see the new visitors, and spotted them.

"Dr. Reid?" Rodriguez asked, pointing between the two men, wondering which one to designate.

Reid gave a raise of his hand a bashful smile. She, however, headed over to the steps, her large friend just a few threatening steps behind. Quickly, she hurried up the steps going over to greet their hosts.

"Hi," She said with a welcoming smile. "I'm Sophia Rodriguez with social services, and this is Detective Linstrom with DC police department."

She offered her hand to Reid. He'd always been uncomfortable shaking hands with strangers, and looked down at it like it was an unidentified object.

Hotch immediately stepped forward, covering for the young man. "I'm SSA Agent Hotchner, Unit Chief of the BAU and a former ADA of the Justice Department. Dr. Reid has asked me to act as his legal counsel for this meeting, I hope that will do."

"No problem," She said kindly. "I want to thank you both for meeting with us on such short notice. In matters like this, I really like to get them cleaned up as soon as possible."

Reid was so nervous, he didn't even know what to say. At least Hotch was quick on his feet, automatically falling into his professional persona.

"What exactly is the matter, Ms. Rodriguez?" He wondered, looking between the woman and the man who seemed unwilling to even step into their discussion. "I've known Dr. Reid for quite some time and I can't imagine any trouble he or someone he knows could be in that would require the police and government services."

"We have plenty of time to talk about this, but I do need some information for my records." She explained. "Is there a place we can sit and talk?"

She looked not to Hotch that time, but Reid. He nodded, indicating the room behind them with the door opened in wait.

They followed the two agents inside. Hotch claimed his former seat and Reid eased himself nervously into the one right beside. Rodriguez claimed the one across from them while the detective chose to stand. Reid couldn't help but feel cold and intimidated under his stare, like he already found the younger man guilty of whatever crime he supposedly committed.

Out of her large bag, Rodriguez pulled out a stack of brown folders. "Now," she said kindly, trying to put a light spin on all this awful tension. "Let me just say, Dr. Reid, you are not in trouble of any kind. You are not being accused of anything and there is no obligation about to be set for you. We just need to ask you some questions."

Hotch glanced over at Reid who looked to him in worry. With a subtle nod, Reid knew everything was okay so far. "I understand," he answered.

"Excellent, with that in mind, things will go much more smoothly." she answered, and suddenly, her demeanor became very solemn. "Firstly... I need to know your affiliation with a woman named... Caroline Bailey."

In the instant before the name was said, Reid felt a panic grip his heart, immediately believing he was right. That this was about Maeve. For a split second, he breathed a sigh of relief, thankful she was still safe.

However, it didn't last long. He soon became concerned at hearing that name, one that hadn't cross his mind in nearly a year. "Caroline?"

"So you did know her?" She asked, needing confirmation.

Thinking back nostalgically, Reid nodded, "Yes, very well."

"At least for a little while." Linstrom mentioned, the first words for the beefy man to speak.

Reid gave him an offended glare, wondering what that was supposed to mean. Hotch, in the dark about this, wanted a little more clarification. "Who's Caroline Bailey?"

"An old friend of mine." Reid said quickly, not wanting to get into their tormented history right now. It had taken a long time to get over Caroline, but even though he had, the memories were always just as fresh as the first time. He turned back to Rodriguez, assuring her quickly, "But I haven't seen her in a long time."

"Almost a year ago, wouldn't you say?" She wondered with a significant glint in her eye. "More like... ten months?"

"Ten months and five days." Reid distingusihed.

"Wow," Linstrom bitterly remarked. "For someone who had no contact with her, you sure kept count of the days apart, didn't you?"

"I have an eidetic memory." Reid informed the officer. "It's not hard to keep a record of almost anything in my life."

"Do you have something you'd like to say, Detective?" Hotch questioned. The cop might be a lot bigger than the agent, but Hotch could intimidate a man three times his size. They would not be made inferior by some stranger.

"Not at all," Linstrom answered with an all too kind smile. "I would just like Rodriguez to know this is a waste of my time and effort, both of which could be used right now investigating my case!"

"This is a part of the case!" Rodriguez argued. "I need to have the police here in case some evidence cames up."

Reid was getting more frightened and confused by the second. "What case? What's going on? Did... did something happen to Caroline?"

Swiveling back in her chair, Rodriguez found his gaze again. She couldn't hold back the truth any longer. "Yes, Dr. Reid... I'm sorry to say your friend, Caroline Bailey, died a week ago."

It had been almost a year since he last saw her, and before then, so much time had passed since they parted ways. Caroline wasn't a part of his life anymore. They'd always lived in two different worlds, they never could have stayed together, even if they had felt the same way. Even if they hadn't been so young. Still, at the times he did think about her, and all they had once shared... he never stopped thinking of her as his friend.

He hung his head in shock, trying to stay calm. Hotch watched him carefully, in case he got too upset and needed to step out. It was always heartbreaking to hear someone you once cared about in any way was gone. He didn't even get to say goodbye.

A million thoughts ran through his head, but the most important rose to the surface, finding its way into words.

"How did she die?" He questioned.

"Well," Rodriguez hesitated. Bad news seemed to be a staple in her job, but that didn't mean she liked it. "According to her medical records, for several years, she was battling Congestive Heart Failure. She was put on the transplant list by UNOS some time ago, but she disappeared."

Reid suddenly had a vision, from their last meeting. He remembered the long scar on her chest. It was healed, but still rather pink. It couldn't have been more than a few months old. She hadn't said anything about it, and at the time, Reid hadn't cared to ask.

"The medical examiner who performed her autopsy confirmed her death was caused by rejection of the new heart. Since UNOS never gave her one, the police suspect she bought it on the black market, probably had the surgery performed in Cuba or Mexico, they're still looking into her financial records and travel history."

"That's insane!" Reid cried. "A black market organ... how could she possibly believe that would save her?"

"She might have lived a little longer had it not been for the pregnancy." Rodriguez continued.

Now it was both Reid and Hotch's turned to be shocked. In his wildest dreams, Reid never considered what the social worker was leading up to. Hotch, however, was not quite so closed minded, sensing an impending doom about to fall upon them.

"What pregnancy?" Hotch demanded in a low tone.

"Caroline Bailey had given birth almost a month before her death." She said. "Patients who receive legal, healthy hearts are warned how risky having a baby is. An untested organ from an unknown donor... theoretically, there's little hope for survival."

Reid was so distraught over the sudden and unbelievable death of his friend. If he had know... he would have done anything to help her. Find her the best doctors in the world to look over her, do whatever he could to get her another heart. This time healthy, so she could have just a little more time. Not only had she died so young, but now her baby would forever be without a mother... did she even have a father to care for her now? Or would she be just another kid in the defective foster system?

"Where's the baby now?" Asked Hotch.

"She's in a group home, one designated for children under two. Most are the result of the Safe Haven laws, but others, like Madeline, are left behind after excruciating circumstances." She explained. "When she was assigned to me... I'd been searching for her father almost none stop for the last week."

Reid sat up at once, believing to have understood at last why this woman was here. "If you need to find her father, we'll be happy to help you." He looked to Hotch quickly for confirmation. They'd done things for him before, why not this? "We have the best resources and a team of the best investigators in the world!"

As he met Hotch's eye, however, his enthusiasm failed. He stared at him with even more caution, as if worried he may have a break down once the truth sunk in.

"Reid," Hotch corrected. "That's what they're doing now... looking for her father."

Bewildered, Reid turned back to the others. A genius yes, but when his mind didn't want to accept something, it was hard for him to see the plain truth.

"What are you saying?" Reid questioned.

"Oh my God!" Linstrom rolled his eyes.

"There's no father listed on the birth certificate, but, as I said, we've been researching Caroline's financial history. She removed herself off the grid when she abandoned her medical treatment, but a series of stolen credit cards were reported in DC that could be connected to her. For instance, many of those reported were fellow patients in the same hospital and several nurses. I researched back to the time of the baby's conception and noticed... your credit card was reported missing approximately a week later."

The evidence was stacking against him and Reid was starting feel a nausea in his stomach. "That doesn't mean anything." He mumbled, his sunken gaze falling onto the wood of the table.

"Really? An old friend of yours you've only seen once in years suddenly gets a hold of your credit card?" Linstrom asked. "How could she possibly get her hands on it if you had your wits about you? You wouldn't be the first guy that got drunk and stupid."

"It doesn't mean what you're suggesting!" Reid jumped out of his seat, standing dangerously on his feet now. He felt much too vulnerable while sitting. "I'm sorry what happened to Caroline and it's terrible her daughter's been orphaned, but you can't pin this on me!"

"We're not trying to." Rodriguez urged him to see, standing as well. "You're just a lead. We have a few others, but the ones we've tested so far haven't panned out. All we're asking is that you take a paternity test-"

"No!" Reid interrupted. He'd had enough of this. It was bad enough to learn his friend was dead, but to be accused of being the father of her child, a child he'd never even knew about until this very moment... it was too much to bear.

"No," He shook his head, backing away. "I'm not the father."

"Reid," Hotch pleaded. "Don't be irrational, let's just sit down and discuss this."

He didn't sit. He couldn't. His blood felt like it was boiling and his skin had the sudden sensation it was crawling with insects. He was so sickened by this, he wanted to claw out of his own skin. As calmly as he could, his eyes found the only one's he could trust, as if begging for him to see reason. "I'm not the father..." He said to Hotch. "I can't be."

With that, he stepped out of the room, hurrying down the catwalk. Hotch stared after him, knowing this was a lot for a man to deal with, especially him. Reid had never expressed a desire to have a family. In fact, he usually acted the opposite. He lived his life alone and had no desire to alter that in any way.


	3. Same Old Caroline

The blinds were still drawn in Hotch's office, so Reid hadn't been aware when Rodriguez and the detective left. Sometime later, the door opened suddenly and Hotch stepped inside.

"You can come in, by the way." Reid muttered bitterly.

"Well, I should think so," Hotch retorted. "As it is my office."

Reid was seated on the long leather couch and Hotch pulled over one of the chairs by his desk in order to face him. Reid was not looking forward to this conversation, but there was no avoiding it. If he ignored it, or left without a word, Hotch would just get more people involved and he never wanted his friends to know about this. Ever.

Staring him down, Hotch kept his voice in a low tone, like he were reprimanding his grown son. "Could you be the father?"

"No," Reid said with conviction, meeting his eyes.

"You never had sex with her?" Hotch questioned.

There he was caught. Reid's mouth closed and he hung his head slightly. There was no way around that question, and hadn't been for many years.

Just as Hotch had suspected. "Ten months ago?"

"Yes," He whispered.

He never once expected to be dealing with this. Not with Reid, anyway. Morgan seemed more likely. Maybe Rossi, but no. Not Reid.

"Well, Reid," Hotch shook his head, "unless you have medical proof you are physically incapable of fathering a child, it is very possible that Caroline's baby is yours."

"But it can't be!" Reid cried. "We... were protected. Morgan always told me to carry a condom with me, because... you never know. I thought that was absurd, but I took his advice anyway and believe me, that night, I did not know! I never planned that!"

Hotch nearly laughed, trying not to smile as he gave him a tilt of the head. "Reid, even you have to know condoms are not entirely fool proof. No method of birth control is 100%, except abstinence."

"It's just so ridiculous! I can't believe this is happening!" Reid cried, jumping up, wanting to pace some more. He couldn't get his head around this. He was desperate to know this wasn't happening, his ears straining to hear Morgan's laughter on the other side of the door. A retaliation in their battle of practical jokes. He would give his unconditional surrender if that could just be true.

If Reid was ever going to accept this, at least enough to take the test, he needed to look at this rationally. The only way to do that was to start at the beginning and dissect the whole circumstance.

"Tell me about Caroline," Hotch questioned. "It might help if you brought her out in the open... we've never heard of her."

"That's because I didn't want to talk about her." Reid explained. He stood at the window, staring down below again. The blue Ford was pulling away and in a moment, the parking lot was empty now. "She was the first girl I ever loved."

"Really?" Hotch wondered.

Reid nodded. "And the first girl to break my heart."

Not wanting to pressure him, Hotch didn't inquire any further questions. Simply, he waited. Reid was too far into this to let it go now, and began his tale.

"I've known Caroline my whole life." Reid explained. "She lived next door to me since I was about four... the day I moved in, I was helping my mom carry a lamp onto the porch and... she ran right over introduced herself to me and my mother. She invited me to play on her swing set." He turned to his boss with a smile. "The first thing I always recall about that first day is the flash of flaming red hair running at me. She reminded me of Mary Jane... from the Spider Man comic books."

"I didn't know you were allowed to read comic books." Hotch mentioned. "Your mom doesn't seem like the type to permit it."

"I..." Reid thought back. "I wasn't." How could he know about Spider Man back then if he didn't read comic books?

Memories of his childhood were so vague, he could hardly recall anything. But slowly, the memory began to fade back to him. "My dad gave them to me. He'd... come into my room at night and sneak me things... comic books and toys, things my mother didn't want me to have... he always warned me not to tell her. That it was our little secret. When he left, I think I threw everything out."

"I'm sorry, Reid. I know your childhood is not your favorite subject." He sympathized. "Let's get back to Caroline."

"She was a bad girl," Reid laughed, remembering. "She was always getting into trouble, doing exactly what her mother told her not to do. But she was sweet. We cared about each other. There was this tree between our houses that was perfectly proportioned," He demonstrated with his hands as he spoke, "we could climb into each other's rooms at night at ease. I'd always go over after my mom had one of her episodes. I'd be so upset and just needed to cry with someone. And her mother... her dad had left when she was a baby and her mother was really overbearing. She liked things her way and when Caroline didn't do it... she'd be punished. She'd sneak into my room to cry in my arms and... I'd see all the bruises on her. There were so many times she'd have a huge black eye and others... her lip would be swollen and bloody." He closed his eyes. This was almost too painful to talk about. "Whenever I think about her, I hate myself that I didn't do something to help her."

"What could you have done, Reid?" Hotch wondered. "Even if you knew how to get her help, odds were the authorities would have found out about your mother and they would have taken you away from her."

"I tell myself that every time." Reid replied as he looked up again. "But that doesn't make me feel any better.

"Anyway," He continued. "We grew up... I went to college at 12 and we drifted apart. She stopped answering my letters, and I was too busy at school to worry about it. When I was seventeen I came back to help look after my mother, who was getting worse and worse. And... Caroline..." He paused, closing his eyes to take a sigh, "She had blossomed into this... beautiful woman. As a kid, I knew she was really smart. She read more than any kid I knew other than me, she loved science... but she really wanted to be an artist. She would draw all the time, she had such a knack for it... but anything she could have been were just dreams. She'd gotten into so much trouble. And now, she was doing drugs and drinking and stealing... I was shocked when my mother told me she spent six months in juvenile hall two years before. Her life was going down the gutter and I felt like no one could help her but me."

Hotch pressed forward. "Did you help her?"

"I tried." Reid explained. "After I put my mother in Bennington, I focused on Caroline. I couldn't save my mother, but I could save my friend. I had... kind of a one man intervention, but it seemed to work. I brought her to my room and... I made her see what a mess she was making. Caroline was so ashamed of herself, and said I was the only one who ever truly cared about her. She wanted to have a better life, and made me swear I'd never abandon her again. And, Hotch, I did swear! With every part of me, I swore I'd never leave her side. I'd still be with her right now... if she'd still wanted me."

"Did she get clean?" He asked, a little ashamed how curious he was at this story.

"No," Reid answered. "The night I confronted her... she kissed me. And told me how much she loved me." He shook his head. "When I look back now, I don't believe I ever loved her more than as a friend, but as an innocent eighteen year old boy who'd never been with a woman... I suddenly believed I was in love. That night was my first time." He couldn't believe his own ignorance, never conceiving someone could be as moronic. "I was so stupid."

"Reid, you were not stupid." Avowed Hotch. "We have all been there. You talk to any man on this team and we were all foolish teenage boys once who thought we were in love. Rossi still thinks it and look how old he is! I married a girl at that same age and I honestly thought it would last forever."

"That doesn't make me any less ashamed." He wasn't in the mood to joke about this. "Caroline started to get clean, but it wasn't too long before she started to fight me on it. I was ready to fight for her forever, to do whatever it took to give her a good life. But the drinking got worse, she'd steal from me to get money for her drugs, she had turned to cocaine, which... in retrospect..." Reid let out a sigh, "is probably what killed her heart."

"Which is not your fault!" Hotch urged. "When did you part ways?"

"I tried to confront her again. I had just been accepted to MIT for my masters, so I suggested we leave Vegas. We leave everything. I was given an allowance for a nice apartment by the school, it would be big enough for both of us. We could get a fresh start there. She could go to rehab and then we could have a life." He turned back to the window. "But she told me that could never happen. She cared about me, and I would always be her friend... but we weren't right for each other. This was who she was meant to be and I was too good for her... and she never loved me."

His hand came up to the window, his fingers playing with the plastic of the blinds. "She climbed out of my window just as always and I thought I'd never see her again. Frankly, I didn't want to. I hated her for a very long time. Back then, I never understood how someone could be taken in by an addiction, why someone couldn't just put it down and walk away. I moved to New York, sold my mother's house... and tried to move on. Many years later, I eventually did."

"Okay," Hotch nodded. "So when you ran into her again... that must have been quite a shock."

Reid at last turned from the window. "I wish I could say it was, but... that night, as surprised as I was to see her... she was exactly what I wanted at the time."

Hotch was intrigued. Reid finally came back over to reclaim his seat, feeling much calmer now. "It was right after that case in San Fransisco, with those boys obsessed with the Zodiac Killer. I was trying to make sense of everything I was feeling. If I were truly making a difference in the world, if I should be doing more with my abilities... I felt very lost that night."

"Which did not go unnoticed." Hotch pointed out. "Where did you go?"

"I went to this bar I'd never been in before. To be honest, I had just been wandering around the city, I'm not even certain how I got there. It was rowdy and loud... a place I could disappear into. I ordered a scotch and sat the bar, just... trying to think and... trying _not_ to think..." He smiled again. "And that's when I heard her voice."

_Buy you a drink, Sailor? _The voice floated into his memory. Soft and sultry, just as he remembered.

"I turned and found her smiling at me." He told, suddenly feeling like was back in that bar again. Hotch had disappeared. The room had disappeared. He remembered the deafening crowd being around him, but it had suddenly become silent. His eyes found her jewel green irises, enchanted by that same mischievous grin.

_"Caroline," He whispered in disbelief._

_"Nice to see you remember me." She exclaimed, reaching over to stroke his forehead. "That memory of yours is as sharp as usual."_

_Reid felt an electricity blaze through him at her touch, just like before. Looking at her was like looking at a happy photograph from his past. He had no desire to go back, but if he could just hold on to that good feeling for a little while, it would make all the difference._

_"So?" She asked again. "Can I buy you a drink?"_

_"Uh," He looked down at the last drops in his glass, giving a nod. "Another would be great."_

_Caroline claimed the stool beside him, calling over the bar tender. "I'll have a beer and another for my very old friend."_

_He couldn't help but smile. The bar tender stepped off to fill the order. She turned to smile at him with such intrigue. It filled him with a joy he hadn't felt in a long time. "It is so good to see you."_

_"You, too!" Reid exclaimed, looking her up and down. She looked so much healthier than their last meeting. Hopefully, her day consisted of three square meals instead of a few snorts of cocaine._

_"I've never seen you around here before." She mentioned. She, too, was eyeing his form. He was slightly more built than the gawky teenage boy who could barely bench press a cup._

_Reid couldn't get over her attire. A white tank top and skin-tight leather pants. Her hair was as red as fire, as usual, and blazed against the fair softness of her bare skin. She had on very little makeup, except for the ruby red lipstick that illuminated her perfect mouth. Reid suddenly felt drawn to those lips, wanting to kiss her._

_"Uh..." he brought his mind back, forcing himself to focus. "I think I should be saying that to you! When did you move from Vegas?"_

_"About a year ago," She said with a shrug. "I was just... in the mood for a new scene."_

_"If I had known you were in town, I would have looked you up." He insisted, not entirely sure if that were true._

_"Why, so you could see my oh so glamorous life?" She said with a wink and a smile. "Last I heard, you were some big bag FBI agent. You... hunt down serial killers?"_

_"Mostly," Reid replied. "We track down all kinds of cases. Bombers, sadists, the broad spectrum of the criminal mind."_

_"You're still that same old Spencer," Caroline nostalgically said. _

_Their drinks were set before them and both picked them up for a sip. Reid couldn't look at her as he asked this. "Are you still the... same old Caroline?_

_She gave him a partial glare that made him feel very guilty when he caught her gaze again. "As a matter of fact, no." She smirked triumphantly. "A couple of years ago, I got clean... well... I mean, I got off drugs. And I drink a hell of a lot less."_

_"That's great." Reid smiled. "I always knew you could do it."_

_"Like you would know!" She snapped, so bothered she was ready to get up and leave._

_"I do, actually!" Reid cried, turning back to her. "Believe me... I have a much greater respect for what you went through."_

_Caroline looked both shocked and, Reid hated to say it, impressed. "No kidding? What?"_

_The usual question of a former addict. They always want to know the gateway drug of a member of the club. "Dilaudid." He answered._

_She cringed. "Intense... yeah, I went down the pain killer route, too... but some things happened... I got really sick and... I finally rock bottom. I knew I couldn't do it anymore, I had to change."_

_"I'm sorry you had to go through that, but... I'm glad you got better." He said kindly. "You deserve a lot more than what you had, even if you don't believe that."_

_She looked away from him, not believing that for a second. She took another drink of her beer and Reid was just deciding to finish this scotch and head home. Maybe ask Caroline if they could meet in a much better place next time. They were older and wiser now, they could pick up the pieces and start over. No one knew him like she did, he'd like to rekindle their friendship._

_"So what's the big bad agent doing in a bar like this?" Caroline asked, her eyes glowing at him in that way that used to drive him crazy._

_Reid didn't want to answer that. How to explain that the decent life your living isn't good enough for you, especially for someone who had been kicked in the gutter so much._

_"I'm just trying to make sense of everything." He said with a shake of his head. Perhaps the alcohol was dampening his senses, or maybe he still remembered that sense of trust he had with this woman. Either way, he couldn't stop speaking. "You remember how I was as a kid... I always said how much I wanted to become."_

_"What, you're not as famous as you want to be?" Caroline sneered. "You poor baby."_

_"It's not about fame!" He cried. "It's about... doing something that changes the world. I thought I was going to cure schizophrenia by the time I was 25 and now, here I am... 30-years-old and I feel like I have accomplished nothing."_

_Caroline gaped at him a second. "That's right, you're 30."_

_"You're 30, too!" Reid exclaimed, right back at her._

_"Yeah, and look where I am." Her arms reached to indicate the bar around her."This is my home away from home, and it's not much better than my actual one. I work part time in a diner and doing whatever it takes to buy rent and food and not think about those cravings that plague me at the worst of times. And getting old really is a bitch, because it doesn't take long for me to wear myself out."_

_"Well, then..." Reid shook his head, unsure what to say. He lifted his drink up for another sip. "I guess we're both pretty lost right now, huh?"_

_"I'm not lost," Caroline assured him. "I'm not where I'd like to be and I know I'll never get there, but... I'm better than I was. I took charge of my life when I felt like everyone else was in control. And that's enough for me. And you're not lost either."_

_"I'm not?" Reid questioned._

_"You just can't see the big picture." She smiled. "Spencer, you've never been able to see what you do for people. You change the world and you don't even realize it because what you do looks so small... but it turns into this huge thing. When I was lying in that hospital bed, all I could hear was your voice, telling me I could be better. I was in charge of my life and hurting myself is selfish... because it hurts everyone I love. Maybe we weren't friends anymore, but I knew I was hurting you. And you were the only person to ever love me."_

_Maybe he'd been looking at this the wrong way. He'd stayed behind when Gideon left... and for a long time, he could never be sure why. Until now. He did do a lot of good for the world, even if it was in tiny increments. This wasn't a waste of time, this was right... and this was where he was supposed to be._

_In response, Reid uttered, "We were always friends, Caroline."_

_For the first time that night, Reid saw the little girl he once knew. She gave a bright smile. Warm and loving and filled with hope, and it shined only for him._

_The innocent of her lasted only a moment before smirked and called the bar tender back over. "Let's forget about our problems for right now," She said with a wave of her eyebrows. "Let's just enjoy the company of friends and have a good time."_

_She ordered another drink for each of them. Reid knew he shouldn't. But he wanted to hang on to this. It wouldn't take him anywhere, but for a little while, he could just be._

"I never let my inhibitions go, but that night I needed to feel like someone else. Some time after that third drink I kissed her. I don't remember a lot of that night, but I know it was me who kissed her first." Reid explained to Hotch. His eyes were still glazed over, lost in that one fateful memory. "Before I knew it... we were at the door of her apartment."

_She'd practically dragged him up the stairs with him, their lips unable to disconnect from each other for more than a few moments. They reached the door of her apartment, right at the top of the stairs and Reid felt his primal instincts take over. He shoved her against her wall, his nimble hands running and stroking all over her lithe body. As good as this felt and as much as he wanted this, Reid forced himself to back off. This wasn't something he just did._

_"What's wrong?" Caroline panted as he pulled away._

_"Caroline," He uttered. "I do care about you... but... I'm... I'm not looking... I mean, we've been through so much and... we can never go back-"_

_"Shh!" Caroline smiled gently as her hand landed on his lips. "Spencer, I know what this is... we never have to pretend it's more. Let's j__ust remember the past and forget there's a tomorrow."_

_He grinned against the tips of her fingers, looking down from her beautiful face and to her partly exposed chest. He noticed the long pink line stretching down between her breasts. A scar from some sort of heart surgery... and somewhat recent._

_Pulling her hand away, Caroline reached up to meet his lips again. Reid suddenly remembered why he was here. Nothing mattered except tonight. He'd kissed other girls since they parted, but even if there'd been a hundred after her, he could never forget her lips. They were soft and sweet... and familiar. Oh, so familiar, making him feel very much at ease. This wasn't awkward; he could be himself with her. He wondered if everything about her was just as he remembered... and he was going to take his time finding out. They were going to enjoy tonight._

"I left about dawn." Reid began to wrap up. "Caroline was up before me, she offered to make me breakfast, but I had work and I needed to shower. Besides, in the light of day, I wasn't exactly proud of what I'd done. I got dressed, we said our goodbyes and... I never expected to see her again."

"What about the credit card?" Hotch inquired.

"I realized before I made it into work that card was gone." Reid said with a lower of his voice. "But... I felt bad for her. I knew from seeing that scar, whatever she was sick from was serious and she was barely making ends meet. I just wanted to help her, but I was afraid, even if I didn't want anything more than friendship from her, she'd reject me again. I knew she was smart enough not to use the card for more than 24 hours, so I gave her a week... they issued me a new card and she was never caught. I felt like I left her something with more than a hangover."

Hotch couldn't help himself before he asked. "You mean besides a baby?"

Anger boiling over, Reid rose out of his seat again. "You don't know that baby is mine!"

"I also have yet to see any evidence that says she's not." Hotch, too, got out of his seat to face the young man. "Don't get me wrong, I see a lot of reasonable doubt here. A woman like that could easily be with a number of men in the time it takes to conceive a child."

Reid didn't like that term. A woman like that. Caroline was worth so much more, he hated the way the rest of the world saw her, like something disposable. It was exactly how she saw herself.

"Until you know otherwise, Reid," Hotch continued, "you can't make the claim that the child's not yours. Now, no one is forcing you into anything. There's no reason to get a warrant in order to test paternity and, they now realize, you have nothing to do with the investigation."

"What investigation?" Reid wondered.

"About the heart," Hotch reminded him. "Caroline purchased a heart for a transplant, that's illegal in multiple countries. If she were alive, she'd probably be facing jail time, but since she's not, she's just a piece of evidence in a very complicated case. It has nothing to do with the baby... and that means you can walk away right now."

Reid pushed past him, heading towards the door, "Then that's exactly what I'm going to do."

"Reid!" Hotch cried, stopping him as he wrenched open the handle. "Just because you don't have to do it doesn't mean you shouldn't. It's the right thing to do... if I thought there was a chance I had another child out there, I would tear down walls to find it. Nothing would stand in my way. Certainly not fear."

At first, he thought his words had moved him, but Reid just turned and gave him a very sorry and pathetic expression. "Well, that's the difference between you and me, Hotch... you're a very good father. You were made to be a father. I, however... that's something I could never do. Leaving this baby to me would be the worse chance she could have and so, I'd rather not know. And believe me... she's better off alone than with me."

With that, he hurried out and slammed the door. Hotch knew better than to run after him. Reid needed some time. Because he couldn't just walk away from his child. He was not that kind of a man.

* * *

Reid walked out of the building through the visitors entrance, heading down the road. His head was in such turmoil, twisting and turning every which way, like loosening taffy. If only he had walked out of that bar that night, backed away instead of kissed her. He would have just gone home and slept it off. Then Caroline would still have had a baby, he was sure, and none of the blame would be on him.

But what if she didn't? What if they were right, and Reid was the father of Caroline's baby. He'd brought a child into the world without even wanting to. If he'd known this would be the consequence, he never would have let it happen. It was a mistake, the biggest mistake he'd ever made, and Caroline should have taken care of it before it ruined all their lives. She wouldn't be dead right now, Reid wouldn't feel like his world was falling apart, and this child wouldn't be doomed to such a horrible existence. Because, no matter what the scenario, he could not see it turning out all right. Either she'd wind up in the dysfunctional foster system, where she'd most likely succumbed to a life of abuse and neglect or worse... she'd wind up with Spencer Reid. He wasn't affectionate, he wasn't attentive... he'd been alone for a very long time. He liked it that way. A baby coming into this would just suffer.

He walked so long, he was surprised when he realized he'd made it downtown. The streets were busy this Sunday. People going in and out of stores, having an early dinner, enjoy the last of their weekend before work started up the next day. Halfway down the block of novelty shops and out door cafes,, Reid spotted it. A payphone. It didn't have a booth, but it would do. What he would say, he didn't know. He just needed to hear her voice.

Digging out a few quarters, he went over to dial the number. He carefully punched in the commands. It beeped and Reid hung up. There he waited, begging her to call. This was one time he desperately needed her.

Much faster than that morning, the ring sounded. Reid snatched up the phone. He didn't say anything, just waited.

"Hello?" Her gentle voice asked on the other end. "Spencer... Spencer are you there?"

His trembling hand acted on its own and hung up the receiver, unsure what to say. His throat was tight, his chest hurt, he felt like he was about to be sick. Damnit, he didn't know how to deal with this. This wasn't happening. This just couldn't be real.

He took a few deep breaths, trying to get a grip on himself. Once he did, he jammed his hand into his pocket, searching for more change. Just a few dimes remained. He shoved them in, picking up the receiver and dialing again.

Reid waited much longer this time. Maeve must have been debating whether or not to call, no doubt frightened. He breathed with relief as the welcoming ring sounded around him a second time, and Reid quickly picked up the phone.

"Spencer..." She demanded to know. "Spencer, please, is that you?"

"It's me," He answered. "I'm sorry."

"What's wrong?" Maeve wanted to know. She definitely could hear his body language, and it wasn't hard to tell he was upset.

How was he supposed to tell her this? He couldn't possibly. "Nothing, Maeve... um... can I call you tomorrow morning?"

Normally, she'd say no. Sundays were their day, and anything more was too risky. But she could tell it was urgent. "Of course... whenever you need me. I'll be here."

"Thank you..." He whispered. "Really, I'm okay... I just need some time."

"That doesn't give me any relief, Spencer." She answered. "I worry about you."

"I know, and that's one of the reasons why I love you." Reid answered. "I'll tell you what's going on tomorrow... I just can't right now."

"Okay," Maeve said, reluctant to let him go. "Be careful."

"I will." He replied. "Bye."

"Bye," she repeated, and hung up the phone very slowly. Reid carefully replaced the phone and started to walk away, much more calmly this time.

He stopped, however, as his entire being came to a screeching halt. He'd done it. He just told Maeve he loved her... and he hadn't even realized.

* * *

A/N: I was going to wait until I caught up on another story or two, but I had a really bad day and writing always makes me feel a little better. I hope you guys don't mind. I'm going to try to catch up on my other stories before I update this one again; just a heads up.


	4. Standing Ground

Reid tossed and turned all night, just thinking about what he had to tell Maeve. Often, he worried about what his friends would say about things. How they would react and treat him, but it never truly stopped him from doing anything. Maeve, however, made him want to be different. That was making him reconsidering telling her this... that he might be a father.

He might be a father. It kept running through his head like a hamster on its wheel. He-might-be-a-father. That he possibly was responsible for a life in this world, that he so carelessly unleashed his dysfunctional genetic material on some unsuspecting new life.

No, it just sounded too surreal. Too incredible to be possible. He sympathized with Social Services. They certainly had their work cut out for them, searching the city for this baby's real father, if he was even around this city or country anymore. But, as they had said, they had other leads. More likely men to be the true culprit, and they'd out ruled them one by one. Now they were grasping at straws. Odds were, Caroline didn't even know the man who sired her daughter. The system would never find him. Sad, but true, and much more likely.

It was enough of a thought to comfort him for a while. His mind relaxed a bit and Reid was able to drift off... but dreams were often worse than reality.

_It was cold here, and dark. Reid had fear gripping his heart, one he'd only felt once before in his life. Standing in the dirt in the cemetery forced to dig his own grave. But he wasn't at the mercy of a madman now; he was searching for something... no, not something. Someone... someone needed his help, but who?_

_And then he heard it. Her voice called out to him on the night air. "Spencer... Spencer, where are you?"_

_Maeve. Reid instantly turned around, searching for the right direction. He tried to tell where her calls were coming from, but the wind made it nearly impossible. Where could she be, and even if he could determine, it was so dark. How could he ever get to her?_

_And then, like a miracle, the clouds parted. A stream of moonlight light up the world around him. He was in a meadow, with grass that stretched for miles. Except for one direction. Behind Reid stood a huge hill with a large curvy tree on top. There. She had to be on the other side. As fast as his long legs could take him, he dashed up that slope, trying to get to her as fast as possible._

_It was exhausting. The more he climbed, the steeper it seemed to become. His lungs were burning from exertion, a stitch digging into his side, but nothing would stop him from getting to her._

_Halfway to the top he couldn't resist catching his breath, nearly vomiting as he doubled over. Panting and gasping, he begged for his body to recover. Maeve's cries were getting more desperate. She needed him. Now._

_"Spencer!" She yelled even louder. "Please, Spencer... help us! We need you!"_

_We? Who could be with her? As he felt himself come back, he wasted no time continuing his climb. Sure enough, lit up by the blue of the moon, was the silhouette of a person. Her hair hung down behind her, giving no no distinction to her face... but there was something off about her._

_"Maeve?" Reid called. As he started to get closer, he began to slow down, unable to see the danger._

_"Spencer!" She exclaimed, and could hear she was filled with relief. "Thank God, I knew you'd save us!"_

_As he got closer, he could make out more of her form... and then he saw it. The figure was cradling something in her arms, rocking it gentle. Getting a bit closer, he could hear a soft cooing. A baby... she was holding a baby._

_He was at a walk now. Reid finally approached the woman, still unable to determine her face, even with the rays around them. "Maeve... what's wrong?"_

_"It's too late." She sobbed. "You have to choose... which one will you save?"_

_Reid didn't know what to say. He wasn't even sure where he was or what was harming them. Stuttering a bit, he tried to find the right answer. He wanted to say her, but the gentle cries of the baby made him pause. How could he possibly deny the life of an innocent child?_

_She seemed to know his decision. "I understand," she said through her tears, and the dark figure placed the bundle in his arms, backing away._

_"Wait... no, Maeve... I want you!" He cried, his arms trying to hold the baby up, which suddenly weighed him down like bags of sand, making him sink into the softening earth. "Please, Maeve... I love you..."_

_"No... you can only love one... and you love her." She said, bitterness in her voice._

_At last, the clouds drifted away on the window. The moon shone as bright as the sun, at last illuminating the night around them. Reid looked down to the child in his arms, who suddenly began to scream uncontrollably. He didn't know how to care for her; this was a mistake._

_As he looked up, ready to tell his love exactly that, the light at last shone the figure before him. A beautiful woman, with a face that was wispy and featureless, with gaping black holes for eyes and hair that dripped with blood._

_"No!" Reid cried, looking down at the child. This wasn't happening... this wasn't what he wanted._

Reid screamed as he jolted up from his pillows. His eyes opened, finding himself back in his bedroom. It was just a horrible nightmare.

He hoped... because what if it were true? What if the truth did come out, and Reid found he were responsible for this child. He'd have to choose... because he could only have one.

Just another reason why he didn't want to know. Because he'd made his decision. He loved Maeve and, someday, he would try to make a life for them. He'd find a way to get her out of the mess she was in and they would be together. That was all he was responsible for.

But even if this baby could possibly be his... well, if someday she learned who her father was, and she would understand.

* * *

This was a conversation he never dreamed of having. Reid's stomach was in knots as he dialed the number, trying to think of a way out of this. Tell Maeve he'd just had a bad day yesterday. He learned some terrible news that he had trouble processing and he was better now. And it was as simple as that.

However, as he heard her gentle, comforting voice flow into his ear... he knew he couldn't keep this from her.

"Hello," Reid said nervously as he answered the call.

"Spencer," she sighed with relief. "Thank goodness... I didn't sleep at all last night, I've been so worried about you."

For some reason, that made him feel better. He wasn't happy that he'd kept her awake, especially when so many of her nights were plagued by restless thoughts of who was hunting her. Still, though, it told him she cared about him.

"I'm sorry I scared you yesterday." Reid apologized. "I was so upset and... I couldn't process my thoughts into words, but I did need to hear your voice. To make me feel better."

He could tell she was touched by that. "I'm so sorry... I wish I could have been there with you... are you... ready to talk about it now? Because if you're not that's alright. We never have to talk about it, I just want you to know I'm here for you."

Those words filled his heart with so much joy, that for a moment he forgot about his problem. Things were as perfect as they were in that booth yesterday, as one man smack in the middle of one of the biggest cities in the world, talking to the one woman in the world he loved.

For a moment, he debated once again telling her. He didn't have to, she had said it herself. But he knew that wasn't possible. He wasn't exactly sure what they were, whether they were just friends or something more. What they had wasn't conventional, but they did have a relationship. It was undeniable, and when someone cared about another... he had to be honest with her.

"Well, I got some terrible news yesterday." He began, starting off slow.

"Oh," She gasped a bit. "What happened?"

He cleared his throat. What with all that had happened, Reid still hadn't come to terms with this. "A friend of mine... one of the best friends I ever had... I found out she died."

There was a long pause, and Reid wasn't sure if she was hesitating at the news of her death or the news that it was a woman. He wouldn't push her though, not wanting to sound accusing.

"That's..." Maeve struggled to find the right words. It was so difficult to comfort someone in a time of grief. "That's awful, Spencer... I'm so sorry... it wasn't JJ was it? Or... Emily? She's the one who lives in England now, right?"

"Oh, no!" Reid cried, slightly amused in such a morbid conversation. "It's not one of my close friends, or anyone on my team. I actually hadn't seen her in a long time, but she was my oldest friend. I'd known her since we were children... but we drifted apart when we got older. We were from two different worlds that rarely crossed."

"How heartbreaking," She sighed, and he swore she almost sounded like she were holding back tears. "May I ask how she died?"

"Well, from what I learned," Reid explained, recalling the conversation from yesterday. "She had Congestive Heart Failure some time ago. She'd gotten a heart transplant, but her body rejected it... I hate that I didn't know..." He suddenly felt like he were about to cry. Reid had yet to shed tears for his friend, and talking about her now, with the one person he could be vulnerable with without reservation... it was hard to hold back the emotion. "I keep thinking why she didn't find me... she never had anyone in her life, I know she didn't have anyone then. If I had known, I would have been there... she didn't deserve to die alone."

For a moment, he was able to do what was so often much too difficult. He was able to forget. He forget about the child, and he forgot about his fears, he even forgot where he was. He wasn't in a phone booth, he was with Maeve... and he was grieving for his friend.

As he wept quietly, he heard the gentle whisper on the other end as Maeve tried to comfort him. "It's alright, Sweetheart... It's going to be alright."

He slowly began to quiet, suddenly feeling better. All his emotions had been building and building inside him like water behind a dam. Now that it had burst and began to flood, he could see things more clearly. Slightly.

"I'm sorry," he said, wiping his eyes. "I don't know where that came from."

"Don't be sorry, Spencer, it's alright to mourn your friend." She insisted soothingly. For a moment, he longed to know what it was like to be wrapped in her arms, feeling her warmth instead of just hearing it. "Even if you hadn't seen her in years, there's always a part of you that stays with someone you love... that dies with them."

It was a comforting thought, but Reid suddenly felt a twinge of guilt, right in his chest. The one that had been haunting him all night. "Well... it actually wasn't that long ago that I last saw her."

Another pause followed. Reid was getting less and less sure how Maeve was reacting to this. "Oh..." she finally cried with surprise. "When did you last see her?"

"About a year ago," He answered. "Actually, more specifically... it was about ten months ago."

He knew exactly what went through her mind at that moment. Ten months, just four months before they started sending letters back and forth, leading to their weekly intimate phone calls. In fact, it wasn't long after that fateful one night stand did Reid decide to track down someone in that field in a feeble attempt to help with his migraines.

"Did you have any idea she was sick when you last saw her?" Maeve wondered, pushing whatever concerns she had aside.

"That's... well, there were some signs, yes, but the night I saw her I wasn't really in the frame of mind to notice. I was... very upset that night." He explained. "That's not why I'm bringing it up, either, Maeve... there's another reason."

The silence was deafening. It was nearly half a minute before Maeve asked, with a very petrified tone, "What?"

"Well, according to Social Services," he was trying just to push through this last part. He had to get it out in the open, "Caroline had had a baby about a month before she died... and they've... been trying to find... her father."

Maeve certainly picked up the truth of the matter much more quickly than he'd been willing to yesterday. "They suspect it's you."

"Maeve!" Reid cried louder than he'd intended. "Please listen to me, I never planned for anything like this to happen! I... I mean, we..." he lowered his voice, as seemed courtesy for people when discussing such sensitive matters. Especially when they knew so little of each other. "We were safe. We used protection, I can't understand how this happened."

She gave a stifled giggle. "Really? You are a genius, aren't you? I think when they were moving you up in grades, they must have forgotten to schedule a health class."

He blushed slightly. "I don't mean 'how' it happened..."

"I know what you mean. And I understand why this is so upsetting. I mean... I can't relate and there is no situation in which I could relate, but to hear the news you might be a father... it's enough to unhinge anyone, especially someone like you."

"Someone like me?" Reid wondered.

"I know you, Spencer." She softly said. "You have too good a heart to just be with some random woman. Someone who could convince you to act against your normal spectrum must have had a special connection to you. You trusted each other enough not to believe there would be repercussions, it's no wonder this is such a shock."

"I never thought of it like that." He replied, sighing a bit. "You make everything sound so simple."

"Believe me," She replied, "things have been looking a lot more simple these days."

He could sense the innuendo she was making, but instead of calling her on it, he just enjoyed the moment. Grinning like an idiot. Oh, how he loved it when she made him feel like an idiot.

"So, when are you going to get tested?" Maeve wondered casually.

The happy feeling crashed like an egg chucked at a brick wall. Reid stood there gaping for a moment, unbelieving she just suggested that. "Tested?"

"Well, there's a chance that baby's yours." She pointed out. "If I were you, I'd get that test done as soon as possible."

"Maeve, I made a mistake ten months ago, I never should have slept with Caroline." He admitted. "But you can't honestly believe that child is mine."

She answered, a bit staggered. "Well... it could be."

There was no denying it now. Reid at last confessed the truth aloud, "Yes, it could be. There is a minuscule chance that baby could be mine, and if I knew the number of partners Caroline had at the possible time of conception, I'd be able to calculate it for you. But it doesn't matter... I don't have an obligation to this child. I have not seen her a day in her life. I'm not capable of raising a child... I can't be responsible for her."

"It's not about that," Maeve argued. "Spencer... even if she never lays eyes on you, she still deserves to know where she came from. Someday, she's going to be curious and... she at least should know her father's name."

He wanted to obey her. Maeve had an effect on him that made him want to change, and it was more than guiding him through a new vitamin regimen that kept his headaches at bay. Not this time, though. He would stand his ground.

"I know this baby can't be mine." He argued. "I'd bet my life on it."

"If you're so certain, than what's the harm in taking the test?" She questioned, pointing out the flaw in his argument.

"Because I don't want to know!" He cried. "I want to just forget this ever happened."

"But that's not what you're going to do, Spencer, I know you." She contended. " I know you're going to do it because you'll never be able to live with the thought that this child might belong to you, even if you never think of her again from that point forward. You're an adult, Spencer, and adults can't run from their problems."

"Oh, really?" Reid asked, his anger boiling over. "Because that's all you've been doing for months, running from a man who's stalking you instead of fighting back like you should!"

He couldn't believe he just said that. He regretted it at once, the pain in his chest getting even worse.

"Maeve... I'm sorry." Reid murmured.

"I have to go," was her quick response before the line went dead. From the stuttering of her words, he could tell he made her cry.

His jaw hung loosely as he stood there, listening to the silence. How could he have been so cruel? She was frightened, scared for her life, and he just called her a coward. He ached to tell her he was sorry, to beg her forgiveness, but she was gone now. Who knew if she would ever talk to him again.

He thought he'd made his decision, and he thought that would save him. It didn't matter. Already his world was crumbling down. And they expected him to be responsible for the life of a child? The idea itself was nearly too dangerous.


	5. Midnight in the Park

The team was exhausted. Friday night was upon them, and the BAU jet was flying through the dark sky, getting closer and closer back to Washington. Everyone was resting. Morgan was listening to music, staring out the window. Rossi was reading with one of the few dim lights on over his head. JJ was getting a head start on the paperwork and Blake had drifted off into a much needed sleep. The only two people who didn't seem to be taking advantage of their time were Hotch and a very distraught Reid, staring at the swirl of clouds outside.

It hadn't gone unnoticed that something was bothering Reid, but Hotch was the only person who had any idea. Blake had asked him what the social worker had wanted, but he refused to acknowledge the subject. She knew that was a bad sign. Rossi wouldn't go to him directly, knowing Reid would have told him if he wanted him to know, so instead he questioned their unit chief himself. Hotch wouldn't betray the young man's confidence, though. This wasn't anyone else's business if Reid didn't want it to be. Besides, if he was choosing to ignore it - basically pretending Sunday afternoon never happened - that was his decision to make... but Hotch was desperate for him to change his mind. If only there was someone who could make him see reason. Gideon certainly could, but he hadn't the slightest clue where that man was. There was also Emily. They were close, she might be able to talk some sense into him... but was that enough of an excuse... to contact her...

It was the first time in months Hotch thought of Emily Prentiss, because he never let himself think of Emily Prentiss. He remembered how disappointed he was when she told him the offer she'd gotten, working for Interpol again. It wasn't so much she wanted to go, she really felt she needed to. He, however, couldn't have felt more indifferent to that. Something inside him was screaming to tell her no. This was her home. This team was her family, the people who cared most about her and mourned her so when they believed she died. She couldn't just walk away from them, and back into a world that nearly claimed her life in the first place.

But it wasn't just that. As Hotch, too, stared out the window, he couldn't help but picture her. With her silky raven hair and beautiful smile. Her brown eyes were so kind, and reflected the wisdom of a tortured soul. Those eyes haunted his past, even when he forced himself to forget... those eyes had returned to remind him.

_Hotch was engrossed in the last of these reports. Just a few more minutes and they would be done, not lingering on his desk until he returned from the next case. So rarely did he get to catch up on his paperwork. It would only last for a minute, but it was a moment he'd savor._

_A light knock sounded on his door, but it didn't break his stride. "Come in," he called._

_Expecting JJ, he was mildly surprised as a brunette nearly ten years younger than he walked into the room. In her possession was a large brown box. He held back a groan as he greeted the girl, keeping his composure. The last thing he needed was to review some more cold cases from the archives. They did love assigning that to him._

_"Agent Hotchner?" The brunette asked expectantly._

_"Yes," He answered._

_At first he was at a loss, shaking her offered hand. "How do you do?" He answered meeting her soft brown eyes. Something about them was so familiar, triggering something in his brain._

_"Oh, you're Ambassador Prentiss's daughter. I did security clearances for your mother's staff. It was one of my first commands." He exclaimed._

_She nodded in response. At first appearance, she seemed pleased that he remembered... but there was something else... as if disappointed that was all he remembered._

_"I believe you were off to Brown at the time." He mentioned, thinking back. It was so long ago, the memories were difficult to pull up._

_"Actually, it was Yale." She answered. There was something hidden in her voice, difficult to make out. The average man wouldn't, but one, trained in the science of human behavior sensed more. She was saddened by something... perhaps the reason that had brought her here._

_They exchanged pleasantries, her career and the well being of her parents, but there wasn't much for two acquaintances to say._

_She was eyeing him carefully, and something began to stir in Aaron's stomach. He had a sensation that made him bitter and shameful and nauseous all at the same time, doubling when their eyes met. Her smile was confident, but her eyes were so sad. Like something twisted and dark occurred between them. Was he just paranoid, was he perhaps reminded of someone else... or was he blocking something out?_

_He couldn't be. He hadn't spoken ten words to this girl before today, barely recalling the day the met in her mother's study. Her gaze seemed to plead with him, as if begging him to acknowledge the elephant in the room... yet Aaron could see no elephant. If it was here, it was hidden in shadow._

_At a loss for her arrival, he questioned at last, "What can I do for you?"_

_She let out a breath, and her hurtful gaze seemed to vanish. He suspected he just imagined it. "Well, I guess I was hoping you could tell me where to put my stuff."_

_"I'm sorry?" He asked, confused._

_She reached into her box, pulling out a packet he recognized as transfer papers. "I'm supposed to start here today. At the BAU." She smiled again, and there was no trace of any remorse or sorrow. He definitely imagined it._

_He took the papers from her, lightly brushing her hand which brought a memory he couldn't picture. He remembered that touch... but why?_

_Aaron was too stunned by this news to call attention to it, even in his mind. "There's been a mistake." He said firmly._

_She answered with great confidence. "I don't think so, sir."_

_Something about the way she called him sir rattled something in him, the same as the softness of her skin did. "There's definitely been a mistake he answered."_

_He had no time to think about anything. JJ arrived, informing him the team was ready to go. It was the perfect excuse to get away. Whatever this was, it was a mistake and someone else would have to handle it. And whatever he could recall - or, more accurately, couldn't recall - wasn't important, and he'd never have to think about it once he stepped out that door._

_"I didn't approve this transfer, Agent Prentiss. I'm sorry for the confusion, but you've been misinformed." He gave her back the papers without the slightest of remorse, gratefully heading out. "Excuse me. It was very good to see you again."_

_He stepped out, and knew she chased after him a second later. Aaron caught up with Gideon, questioning him about the circumstance as well. As Aaron looked back at the younger woman, he met her eyes one more time. She looked confused and somewhat scared, unsure what to do, but it was there again. That sadness... hurt that he'd left her behind again.  
_

_Instantly, in the course of a nanosecond, he recalled those eyes, looking at him just as they were now. At the moment, he could hardly recall what happened, only that he had left her behind before. He was tormented by the taste of her kiss, his head spinning with the smell of her gardenia perfume, wafting in the night air of late summer. He'd been pushing that memory into the darkness for so many years, and now, ever so slightly, it was back. He just needed to push down again... and he would be just fine._

But from that moment on, he was never fine again. Hotch never could escape how they met, and then how they parted... and how they met again. Emily never mentioned what happened between them many years ago, but he knew she remembered, too. Probably more vividly than he. Every once in a while, he'd catch her eyes and that same heartache would be there. But it was so long ago, it was too late to talk about it now. And much too late for a wrong to be righted. All they had now was what might have been.

He hadn't realized how long he'd been daydreaming until the plane touched down. It was enough to rattle everyone around him, starting to rise and stir from whatever had captured their minds. Except for Reid, who continued to stare out the window like the world didn't matter.

It wasn't long until they were able to depart. It was much too late to salvage a Friday night, but at least they had a weekend. Everyone else began to gather their things, so happy to be going home.

Enough was enough. If Reid wasn't going to realize what he needed to do, then someone was going to have to force him to see the truth. Hotch wasn't sure why he felt so responsible for Reid, but right now he was all the genius had.

As the others were gathering their things, Hotch carefully pushed through them, heading to the back of the plane. Reid was collecting the books he'd strewn on the couch, too distracted to engross himself in, and shoved them back in his bag. He looked a little pale, like he hadn't slept or eaten much in the last five days.

"Reid," Hotch began as he approached him. He tried to keep his voice low, but in a small cabin like this, it didn't do much good.

"What is it, Hotch?" He mumbled, refusing to look at him.

He explained. "I've given you nearly a week to think about this. I know you think when you left on Sunday that was the end of it, but we're not done discussing this."

"There's nothing more to talk about!" Reid snapped as he looked up. "I've made my decision and nothing is going to make me change my mind."

"What's going on?" Blake asked. She was closest to the commotion, looking over her shoulder rest to observe. Rossi, too, took a bit of interest and didn't bother to hide it. JJ and Morgan glanced at each other, hoping the other knew what was going on, but they were both just as lost.

"Nothing," Reid growled at her through gritted teeth, like a wolf ready to attack if these threats persisted. He looked to Hotch again with rage starting to boiling through him. He'd had a week from Hell. He'd tried calling Maeve back Monday afternoon, but she didn't pick up. There wasn't a chance to try during their case in Spokane, but he doubted it would have made any difference. It was enough to overshadow the fear of his impending paternity.

"You can't just ignore this, Reid." Hotch insisted forcefully. He was getting just as furious as the young man. He had no right to turn his back on an innocent child. It was definitely a father thing. If he didn't have Jack, perhaps Hotch would support his choice more. In this universe, though, he couldn't imagine someone turning their back on an child when there might be a chance to save it.

"Don't you understand, I can't do this!" Reid cried in near hysterics. "My life was going exactly as planned and then this... is just thrust upon me! And everyone is expecting me to just change my plans around and take charge! To ignore the fact that I would make the worst father in the world!?"

"Whoa!" Morgan cried in shock. "Father? What do you mean 'father'?"

"Nothing!" Reid yelled again, looking at his shocked teammates, staring at him like they'd all just received frontal lobotomies. "All of you, this is none of your business. This is my choice and it has been made. The rest of you... just... stay out of my god damn life!"

With that, he snatched his bag so forcefully one of his books spilled out, landing open on the cabin floor. Reid stormed from the plane, practically kicking the door open and the steps down to the ground, running out like it were on fire.

No one knew what to say. Even if they didn't have the whole story, they now had a new sense of what was going on. Hotch felt very defeated now, knowing this had done even more damage. Nothing was going to make him change his mind now... and that baby might be nothing but an orphan the world forgot.

* * *

Once again, Reid found himself lost. He left the FBI without looking back, trying to put as much distance between his problems as he could. He always had a tendency to run at times like this. And he was running now.

After a while, running turned into a walk and sometime later, Reid was ambling through the streets of the city, his enormous brain trying to make sense of all this. He was starting to feel there was no other way out of this paternity test. Hotch couldn't force him. It wasn't as if he could bound him and gag him all the way to the clinic, but he could put more and more pressure on him until he gave in. His job could become more difficult and less and less productive until he finally agreed. Would he really stoop so low? The way Hotch cared about this, it felt more like the child was his instead of Reid's... that is, if the child was even his. Which it wasn't.

The more times he thought that sentence, the less sense it made. And now all his friends had an idea what was going on. Sure enough, they'd pester their chief until he admitted the truth, which probably wouldn't take much work. Not to mention, this whole ordeal had forced a wedge between him and Maeve... if there was anything between them anymore.

It had been days and Reid found he couldn't take it anymore. Checking his watch, situated over the sleeve of his raggedy, wrinkled dress shirt, he saw it was close to midnight. He'd risk waking her if he called now, but there was too much at stake. He had to try at least once tonight. And again tomorrow. However long it took for her to listen to him just one more time. Just enough for him to say he was sorry.

A pay phone sat at the end of the hill, almost fifty feet from the entrance to the park he'd been ambling through. Breaking into a jog, he closed the distance, rushing over to the post and snatching up the receiver. It took a bit of digging, but he managed to extract enough change from his bag for a call. He punched in the usual code of numbers and heard the tone, immediately hanging up. And now... he waited.

There were so few times Reid had ever felt time move so slowly. The last time had been in the waiting room while Emily was in surgery. That hadn't turned out so well. It didn't matter that everything turned out okay, that seven months later, he held his friend in his arms again. At the time it felt like the world had ended. Losing Maeve would be twice as painful... and for a fact so simple as for something he said.

"Please," Reid whispered, resting his head on the top of the box. "Please... ring..."

The park was so silent, with nothing but the light wind of mid autumn. This wasn't a safe place for one to be, not at this late hour. As Reid stood in the quiet, begging for a sound to break it, he heard a soft click behind him. The crack of a twig.

Slowly he stood, listening for another clue. When nothing followed, he edged himself in the other direction, half expecting a figure to be there, much like the one in his dream from the other night, standing by the light of the street lamps. Just staring at him.

As he looked over the pathways and rolling mounds of grass, he found nothing. The trees were blowing in the growing breeze, hanging on to the last of their leaves. Everything was bathed in darkness, and not a soul stood. Reid took a step closer, as if his very persistence would scare anyone out of hiding, nothing moved. He was all alone.

He nearly shouted as the phone rang, scaring him nearly to death. Suddenly he realized what that chime meant and dashed back at the phone, grabbing the receiver at once.

"Maeve?" Reid asked, desperate.

"Spencer," Maeve uttered in exasperation, as if she'd run to the phone. She didn't sound upset or angry... just relieved. He hoped that was a good sign.

"Maeve, I am so sorry!" Reid begged her to understand. "I don't know what came over me, I didn't mean any of that! I was very upset and frustrated and... there are so many things I'm feeling about all this, but I know it doesn't excuse what I said."

"Spencer," Her kind voice answered. "It's okay, I'm not upset."

"No, what I said wasn't right!" He insisted, as if he wanted her to be angry. "That is not the way I feel about you! I think you are very brave. Doing what you do every day, it's incredibly brave."

She let out a sigh, touched by his words. "No, Spencer, you were right the first time. I'm a coward. I depend on my parents to pay for a place for me to stay hidden, I waste my savings to buy food just so I don't have to go to work every day. I spend all the time I can hidden from the world because it's easier just to let this man have control than to fight back."

That ache in his chest was coming back, as it had every time this week he thought of his sticky situations. "It pains me you won't let me help you. It's not just the fact that I want to finally lay my eyes on you, because I do..." He paused for a moment, just imaging the second the finally saw each other. "It's because I want to know that you're safe. You deserve to have freedom... you're hiding to save your life, but this... person," he hesitated a moment, resisting the urge to use a much more powerful noun, "he's already taken it. No one has the right to make you so afraid that you lose your peace of mind."

She giggled in a solemn way. "I hate to say it, but... I don't think I've had peace of mind since I read your first letter. The way you speak to me... it's unlike anything I've ever known."

His stomach did a flip as he heard that, trying not to smile. "I do wish you'd let me help you."

"No," She conveyed. "I can't let him hurt you. It would break my heart if he found you. This is my fight... unfortunately, I'm not a fighter."

"Do you think I am?" Reid asked. "Maeve... you should have seen what a coward I was when I was young. When I first joined the FBI. You never know what you're capable of until your only choices are fight back or die."

"I think you underestimate yourself." She replied, and her tone sounded much more lively, as if she began to forget their spat had ever happened. "I think you are capable of so many great things in this world, Spencer... and I think you should never let anything hold you back, even if you're scared of what the outcome will be."

He paused, knowing this was a discussion that was going to come up when they spoke again, whether they were fighting or not. "Is that your way of telling me I should take the test?"

"My intuition tells me you haven't yet." She acknowledge. "Am I wrong?"

It should be amazing how well this mystery woman knew him, yet Reid wasn't surprised in the least. "No... I can't do it, Maeve."

"Why?" She begged to know. "And don't give me excuses. I want to know, truly, why you feel you shouldn't take the test, or can't as you put it."

How could he put this into words? Reid thought carefully, taking his time to understand how these twisted emotions could form into words. Maeve didn't press him. She simply waited, letting his incredible mind process what he needed.

"I feel..." He closed his eyes, at least knowing what he wanted to say, but unable to speak the words. He practically had to force them out, surprising even himself when he made a sound. "Angry."

"Angry," she repeated. "Why?"

"Because... it's not fair!" He finally cried. Thank goodness there was no one around, because he would have drawn glances from everyone.

Now that he'd begun, it was easier to continue. "This shouldn't have happened. I shouldn't have been in that bar that night. I shouldn't have let Caroline buy me those drinks and I certainly shouldn't have gone to bed with my friend. None of it should have happened... and I'm trying to make myself believe she still would have a baby if that entire night hadn't occurred, but... I can't make myself truly believe it."

"Why is that?" She wondered. It would be better if he came to the conclusion on his own.

"Because... everyone's right." He answered. "Hotch and... Social Services and... the detectives looking into her death... they all know it. It is possible this baby could be mine."

"And you believe if she is, you're life will change." She voiced.

"Drastically!" Reid added. "I can't take care of a child. There are so many reasons why a child of mine shouldn't be in the world. I have horrible genetics; if she develops average social skills, it would be a miracle; and if that's not enough, being raised by me... I don't know how to be a father, let alone being both a mother and father. I could never be the type of parent this baby would need. I would mess up her life worse than anyone can fathom. She's better off without me."

Maeve waited a moment, letting his words sink in. "Well..." she said carefully. "That might be true. I have no previous experience so I can't really weigh in with an opinion, but... this is your best friend's baby. This is the least you could do for her."

She was absolutely right. He felt so responsible for the death of his friend, wishing he'd known she was sick. If this was all that was left for him to help her, than he'd do it. He'd take the test. And when it proved it wasn't his, that would finally be the end of it. Things would go back to the way things were.

* * *

Hotch was packing up his bag for the night, knowing he'd stayed here much too late, anyway. He'd tried Reid on his cell a few times, but he wasn't answering. Maybe he just needed some space... maybe he just would never see reason. Either way, Hotch wasn't going to push anymore. He picked up the book Reid had abandoned on the plane in his escape. The Sign of Four, a Sherlock Holmes novel, it appeared. He never read any of the works himself, but they had to be classics for a reason. He hadn't known Reid was a fan of Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, but it wasn't a surprise. He was a fan of so many great works, and no doubt he'd be missing this within a day or so. Hotch would give it back to him on Monday, and with it the assurance that he was done. If Reid wanted to just move on, he could.

His tired eyes couldn't look at those case reports anymore. He'd try to focus on them tomorrow night after Jack went to bed. For now, he just wanted to relax and for a little while, forget about everything... and everyone... lost out in the world.

"You have a second?" A timid voice asked from the doorway.

Hotch's head snapped up at once, feeling like he'd been half asleep. To his surprise, he found Reid standing in the doorway, looking just as harassed as when he ran from the plane.

"I'm surprised you're still here." He said with a shy shrug as he stepped in.

"It's not the first time I've gone home in the wee hours of the morning." Hotch explained. "What are you doing back here? I thought you went home."

"I went for a very long walk." He said, his head lowered slightly in shame. "I had to think things over."

"Reid, I didn't mean to embarrass you." Hotch assured. "I just want you to see reason."

He nodded. "I know... I haven't wanted to see the truth, but I do now. And... I want to put this behind me. Believe me, I am not father material and I never will be... but I can't run from this. I've always wanted to be better than my father, and... walking away from this because I feel like I can't face... it makes us exactly the same. I'll think of it every day until I learn the truth, I can't live with that."

Hotch looked at him significantly. "Really?"

"Yeah," he mumbled. At long last, he let out a heavy, relenting sigh and uttered, "I'll take the test."

At that, Hotch gave him a rare but proud smile. "Good. I'll go with you, if you'd like."

Reid nodded, knowing he needed all the support he could get in this. "I assume the others know now?"

Hotch answered, "Unfortunately, yes. They never would have let me off that plane until I told them. Every one but Garcia is informed, but I assume Morgan's told her by now. I am sorry."

He expected an astronomical amount of voicemails and texts on his phone by morning light. "I was hoping I would never have to tell them." Reid said with a nervous twitch of his mouth.

"Look at this way, Reid." He joked a bit. "It shows your friends you're just as flawed and human as the rest of us."

He snickered a bit. "True... and at least, very soon... we can look back on this and laugh." He said confidently.

His boss was not about to contradict the improbability of that statement. Instead he chuckled, "I bet you're right."

* * *

A/N: You guys know I always like to have a secondary romance. I think it takes pressure off the main couple. I've been wanting to do a Hotch/Emily romance for a little while and I thought this would be nice. (Did I mention I'm bringing her back into the story? Don't worry, I'm not getting rid of Blake. I like her.)


	6. The Test

Reid often fidgeted when nervous. He could barely keep still the first few months he worked for the FBI. It had gotten better as the years went by and he grew older, but today was the worst that Hotch had ever seen.

His sweater and corduroys were already wrinkled and creased from the amount of times he tugged and shifted in his clothes. Right now he was clutching his bag around the middle, like he were trying to shield the most vulnerable parts of himself. It had already changed shoulders about four times, and that was just after they got out of the car.

"Where's Jack?" Reid asked quietly.

Hotch offered to come with him for the test, although he wasn't so sure he'd let Reid go alone if he rejected. After calling Sophia Rodriguez (who had left her card with Hotch when she left, in case Reid changed his mind) they agreed to set up the appointment for that afternoon. She claimed another candidate was also being tested that day, it would be convenient to do him the same day.

So, an hour before they were due at the clinic, Hotch picked up the young man outside his apartment building where he was pacing profusely. He didn't speak beyond a hello during the whole trip.

"Soccer practice," He answered. "Jessica's picking him up after and I'll pick him up before dinner."

Reid was uncomfortable by this. That was just one of the many things he did with his son, and he was always so happy to be with him. How did it come so naturally for him? Were there just some men who could raise children and others who couldn't? Perhaps it had something to do with the DNA, a gene in the chromosome perhaps. He made a mental note to ask Maeve tomorrow. Then again, probably not, because if things worked out today, it wouldn't be a concern of his anymore.

The elevator opened on the third floor. A man waiting there stepped back, allowing the two riders off first, as was courtesy. Hotch gave a nod of thanks and lead the very nervous applicant on their way.

"Thanks for coming with me today, Hotch." Reid said gratefully. "This is something I never expected to deal with and... it just means a lot to me I don't have to go through this alone."

"You're welcome," Hotch replied, giving a rare smile.

"And I appreciate you keeping this quiet," Reid added with his voice lowered, as if their conversation might be monitored. "I know there's no avoiding this with the others, but I'd rather they not get the details until all the facts are in."

The words were no sooner out of his mouth did the men turn the corner and receive a heavy shock. They'd made it to the clinic waiting room, which was mostly filled by none other than the rest of the BAU team, flipping through magazines and making quiet conversation. All of them looked up expectantly as the two arrived.

"Hey, kid," Morgan said as he tossed his copy of People back on the center table.

Reid was speechless as he looked at each and every one of their expectant faces. "What are you all doing here?" He whined.

"We wanted to be here for you today, Reid." Garcia couldn't hold back her excited, bubbly charm. "It's not every day we discover our sweet little boy might be somebody's Big Daddy."

Reid gave a cold glare to Hotch. The way he was feeling right now, he was angry enough to take his head off. Hotch, however, looked just as shocked as he. "I knew nothing about this, Reid. I swear!"

"How did they even know we would be here?" Reid said through gritted teeth.

"That's my fault, Reid," Rossi answered, standing. "Hotch had plans with me this afternoon. When he called to cancel, he said he had some business at this clinic... after last night, you can expect an old profiler put two and two together."

"That doesn't give you guys any right to be here!" Reid cried. "This is my business, something I wanted to deal with alone! I don't want any of you involved, so... please, I'm asking you all to leave."

There weren't many other patients in the clinic waiting room this weekend, but the ones that were turned were some expectant mothers, watching him in worry. Like this was some crazy person causing a ruckus, a possible threat to their unborn children. Reid's face turned slightly red as he ran his hand through his hair, staring at the floor.

None of them moved from their spots, and that began to anger him more. JJ, who often was the controlled voice he found in the world of chaos, responded. "Spence, we're not going to leave you. We know this came out of nowhere for you, you didn't have much time to prepare. It's a very scary situation and... you need your friends right now."

He was just as furious, but lowered his tone to a more civilized level. "Did you guys ever think the reason I didn't tell you in the first place is because I didn't want you to know!" He backed away slightly, and for a moment, Hotch feared he might run right back out. "Did you even considered how humiliated I'd be, finding you all here?"

"Hey, Reid," Morgan cried sharply. "We are not judging you."

"That's not what we meant by coming, we just wanted to support you." Blake added with a reassuring smile. "There's no reason at all for you to be upset."

"We just love you to death, Sweet Boy!" Garcia exclaimed with her usually big bright eyes and heart filled smile. "Is it so wrong that we wanted to show you that in your time of desperate need?"

He shuffled a bit in his stance, staring down at his Converse sneakers. There was a slight twitch of his mouth. Like he was trying to smile and just couldn't.

"We're not going to leave, no matter what you say." JJ said in a mockingly stern tone. "We're going to wait with you out here and Morgan and I are going to be with you while they do the procedure, so either you walk out that door now and reschedule and come back alone or you shut up and come sit!"

She indicated the empty spot beside her. Reid tried to pout, but it was difficult when he realized he was the one in the wrong. This was one of those times he needed people to lean on, no matter how badly he tried to deny that. It was comforting to know whenever he pushed, they would always push back. That's what friends were for.

"We just want to be here for you, that's all." Blake assured, who was caddy corner to him as he sat down. She gave a friendly brush to his knee.

He eyed each of them suspiciously. "Are you sure you just didn't want to see if the genius actually screwed up this badly?"

"It's not that big a deal, Reid!" Rossi waved off, as if this was a simple matter of high blood pressure on his yearly physical.

"It is if the test is positive." He mumbled, sinking into his chair.

"I've got to say, this really blew my mind! I think about all the women I've been with over the years and the kid winds up in the hot seat!" Morgan announced, giving Reid a smile and a wink. "First you've got some mystery girl on the phone and now, you're picking up women in bars? You've come a long way, Pretty Boy, and I think I should take some of the credit for that."

From the way Morgan indicated it, he believed the night in question was the first time he'd met the mother of the child. Reid looked right to Hotch, who stared back at him with a glint in his eyes. He'd kept the details to a minimum. No one knew more than they had to to understand the situation.

There were a lot of questions, but one seemed the most frequent in everyone's minds. "So... what are going to do if the test is positive?" Garcia asked, and the worry in her voice couldn't be denied.

Reid was not ready to have this discussion, and hoped he wouldn't have to. Of course, his hope was fading quicker and quicker. "I haven't thought that far... I do know I can't take care of a child, though."

"Things can always be worked out." JJ assured, patting his hand. "Your work schedule can be fixed, and they make allowances for single parents. They do for Hotch, and look at Agent Clarion, she had a kid at nineteen and still found a way into the Bureau. They bend a little when need be."

"Yeah, you know we'd cover for you, kid." Morgan vowed.

Reid, however, was about to lower his head again when he caught Blake's eye. She was thinking the same thing Hotch knew from the start, and what Rossi was suspecting. It wasn't a matter of time or work or money that was holding him back.

"There are other options, too." She said softly. "There are... plenty of people in the world who are dying to give a child a good home. My husband and I often talk about adopting someday... if our schedules ever settle down.

"I know I certainly would," Hotch added. "I can't imagine ever getting married again, but if I did... that might be something we discuss.."

There was a small part of Reid that felt better at that. If the worst happened, he at least knew that walking away was giving someone else the opportunity to have a family. Maybe a couple who couldn't have one of their own... two people who would make much better parents than he would. Maybe everything did happen for a reason.

Still, though, it didn't feel right. His stomach still twisted at the idea of what he'd be leaving behind. The baby could go to the best family in the world. She could be loved unconditionally, wanting for nothing her whole life... yet she could still be cursed to a life of abnormal intelligence and social awkwardness, not to mention the risk of drug addiction on both sides... perhaps even doomed to become schizophrenic. Genetics was like a poker game and if he were the father, he was dealing the child the worst hand she could get.

That test had to be negative. He couldn't be a father... he couldn't risk a life being in this world because of him.

The door next to reception opened and a young nursing assistant stepped out, "Spencer Reid," she called into the crowd.

The time was upon him. Slowly, Reid stood, his legs feeling like pudding. He clutched his bag around his middle, unsure if he could walk in there.

"Come on," JJ said as both she and Morgan got to their feet. "The sooner we get in there, the sooner it's over."

"And sooner this is all behind me." Reid stated plainly, maneuvering through the rows of chairs.

Everyone in the waiting room, the team and strangers alike, watched as the young man headed through the doorway, his two friends behind him. He walked with his head down in shame, giving the impression he was being lead to the gallows.

* * *

The assistant lead them past each of the private exam rooms to the largest one at the very end. Four beds were set up in here, with curtains between each in case a patient wanted privacy. Reid spotted a pile of hospital gowns sitting on the long counter which held an array of medical supplies. For a moment, he feared he'd have to change, but relaxed as the assistant indicated the first bed. "Just have a seat over there, the NP will be in soon."

She waited for them to congregate in the area, watching curiously as if unsure why such a large group was needed for something like this. Thankfully, she said nothing, hurrying on with her work. There were other patients to see that day.

"Why are they doing it here?" JJ wondered as she claimed a stiff wooden arm chair by the bed. "Wouldn't the hospital have better facilities for something like this?"

"This is the allotted establishment for Social Services." Reid explained. "Paternity testing can be done anywhere, but when Social Services gets involved, it has to be done at a government approved facility. So there's no bias."

"Sounds like you did a bit of research on this." Morgan mentioned, taking the stool by the curtain.

Reid nodded. "Last night, after I got home. It's a habit I have when my life feels carried away. Learning has always been something I can control."

He didn't see Morgan and JJ glance at each other nervously. They didn't know how to make this better. Because frankly, no one had much hope this was going to turn out alright. Perhaps they were wrong, and soon this would all be a memory. Something Reid would learn from and perhaps mention in passing. They weren't confident, though, wondering if, when they finally did walk away from this, it would be a discussion of what might have been. Something they would talk about in private, but never mention to Reid.

"Right this way," the assistant announced as she led another person into the exam room. "You can take the bed on the far end and the NP will be in shortly."

They were all curious who she was speaking to when a young Spanish woman stepped into the room carrying a large bundle by a plastic handle. While she was a stranger to the others, Reid recognized her immediately. The social worker.

"Ms. Rodriguez," Reid cried in amazement. He hadn't expected her to be here.

He wasn't the only one. Rodriguez looked over, startled to see Reid sitting on the closest bed, his long gangly legs dangling off the edge like a five year old.

"Dr. Reid," she said rather stiffly. "Good to see you here."

"You, too," He stood from his seat, stepping closer. "I'm uh... sorry about how our conversation went last week."

"I understand," she replied, though he wasn't sure she accepted his apology. "Thank you for agreeing to this. Either way, it makes my job easier."

He nodded, avoiding her gaze. He knew he'd acted like a fool that day, running from her request like he were fleeing a burning building. He searched for something else to distract him, not wanting to continue such an awkward conversation and unsure how to turn back and reclaim his seat.

As he searched, however, his eyes landed on the gray object she was carrying. He incidentally gasped as he took in the sight. It was a baby carrier, swinging slightly in her gasp, and inside - her little face just visible under the ruffles - was a sleeping newborn, a plastic pacifier settled securely in her tiny mouth.

Reid wanted to look away. To tear his eyes from the sight and ignore that this was the whole reason for being here, but he found he couldn't. He was hypnotized by the teeny baby, sleeping true to what had turned the phrase into a cliché. She looked so peaceful and pink.

"Is that... her?" Reid asked, staring at her as if in a trance.

Neither Morgan nor JJ could resist coming over to get a glimpse of her. They didn't have the results yet, but they wouldn't deny their first sight of the alleged daughter of Spencer Reid.

Rodriguez smiled. "Yes, it is. This is Madeline Bailey."

Madeline. He remembered being told that was her name, but it wasn't until now he made the connection. Those had been Caroline's favorite books as a child. She'd loved them at same age Reid was discovering Charles Dickens and trying to build a Penrose Triangle... but he knew the stories. When he came over in the middle of the night, after he'd be done crying, he would fall asleep in her bed, listening to her read those stories to him. That was back in a time when life seemed to promise so much more.

He still couldn't stop staring and for a moment, he didn't want to. He was trying to find some sort of distinction that would signify these accusations had any merit. Some sort of detail that could only have been genetically handed down by him. There wasn't. Not one. The child didn't look anything like him.

"Alright," an older woman said as she walked into the large room with her clipboard. The assistant was right behind her. "Another paternity test today, great. Spencer Reid, correct?"

At last, Reid looked away, unsure why his heart was beating so loudly. "Yes," he answered at once.

"And... we have the baby scheduled now, too, good. Alright, Pauline, why don't you handle her and I'll take care of Mr. Reid. That'll save us some time." She gave a smile to Reid. "If you could sit down, sir."

Reid nodded, going back over to the table. He couldn't help but eye the social worker as she carried the baby the farthest seat out of his line of vision. He was unsure why he leaned forward; he didn't know why, he just wanted another peek at the little one.

"Are you ready, sir?" The nurse practitioner asked, pulling on her rubber gloves. "I need you to roll up your sleeve to the elbow."

He agreed, slowly unbuttoning the cuff of his shirt and sliding the fabric up. He nervously observed the needle and vial she was preparing, though not in regard for himself.

"I thought you just needed some cheek swabs." Reid mentioned, remembering his research from just before dawn.

"We were told the results needed to be rushed at the lab, so we're taking epithelial tissue, blood, and hair samples today." She explained with a smile. "A grown man like you isn't afraid of needles, are you?"

Certainly not. He did, however, glance over at the curtain, thinking of what was on the other side. "This test isn't going to hurt the baby, is it?"

JJ couldn't even look at him when he said that, knowing if she did she'd burst out with a wide smile. She suppressed the urge, desperate to find something to land her eyes on.

The NP set to work swabbing a clean patch on Reid's skin. The cold alcohol chilled him, sending goosebumps up and down his arm. "She'll be fine," was all she said.

As she pricked him with a needle, Reid winced slightly, forgetting what else was going on around him. He watched as the blood slowly began to flow into the tube. Thick and red. There was the muffled sound of Rodriguez and the assistant, soothing and handling the little baby. Nothing to be alarmed about.

When the sharp pitched wail filled the room, Reid turned at once, nearly ripping his own vial out of his flesh.

"You said this wouldn't hurt her!" He cried, appalled.

"Reid!" Morgan called, laughing. "You're acting like a nervous father!"

"I am not!" He yelled, sounding very much like a child himself. Looking behind him again, he wished he could see through the fabric of the curtains. "She's just... so small."

"Baby's usually are," JJ grinned, unable to stop it this time. She patted his arm as he looked away. Reid forced himself to keep his eyes on the blood, no matter what he might hear next.

It wasn't the baby's only cry, either. Reid heard another scream as he brushed the inside of his cheek with one of the many swabs they were handing him. It was uncomfortable enough for him, wiping his mouth with this cotton. That baby certainly didn't want some strange object shoved into her mouth. This time, he pretended he didn't hear the disturbed cries.

The blood was taken, the swabs were capped and bag and lastly, the practitioner pricked a few strands of his hair, bagging them quickly. She labeled them efficiently with a permanent marker, wanting to avoid any confusion.

"Okay, that's it!" She said kindly. "You're free to go, Mr. Reid."

The assistant was carrying her own plastic bags, each filled with similiar contents. The baby, however, was still crying and calling uncontrollably with nothing comforting her. Rodriguez's pathetic insisting was insisting her to calm down, as if she could simply be reasoned with.

JJ got out of her chair, trying to eye around the corner. As a mother, she couldn't ignore some poor child in need, especially when she didn't have anyone.

"Where are you going?" Morgan asked.

"You guys go ahead, I'll be right out." She replied. "Maybe there's something I can do."

Reid was all too happy to be leaving, ready to dash right out the door. Suddenly, he felt like the pudding in his legs had turned to lead, keeping him from running.

"You ready, kid?" Morgan asked as he stood.

Reid nodded, rolling his sleeve back down. He struggled to button it, even his nimble fingers had difficulty on the cuffs. "I did it," he mumbled. "I didn't want to, but it's done. And what happens as the end result... I'm not going to feel sorry for."

He wasn't at all pleased about his friends attitude. If Morgan had learned he might have a child, he'd certainly be scared, but nothing would keep him away. Reid wasn't a selfish person, so he knew this had to be about fear. How could he possibly convince his friend who was still afraid of the dark not to be afraid of being in charge of another life? That wasn't possible.

As they stood to leave and headed towards the door, Reid stopped cold, listening. He hadn't realized the crying had quieted. It had taken a few minutes, but the baby had certainly calmed down, making a few intermittent coos and murmurs. He looked back at the other side of the room, wondering what was going on over there.

"Hey," Morgan said quietly, jostling his arm. "You coming?"

Reid continued staring a moment before his feet began to move on their own. "I'm right behind you."

Carefully, he stepped over. Just close enough to peer around the curtain. JJ was over there and had taken the baby into her arms. She cradled her like a natural, and smiling the whole time.

"Oh, you are just a precious little thing." JJ whispered down to her. The baby was dosing off again, mouthing the tiniest little yawn. "That's right, you go back to sleep."

"Thanks for your help," Rodriguez sighed, sitting for a minute. "I do not know how to handle this job."

"I'm sorry," JJ said softly, continuing to rock the little girl. She brought the pacifier up and offered it to her, which she gladly accepted. "First baby, I take it?"

"Just between you and me," she spoke so low, Reid had to strain to hear what was next, "this is my first solo case. I worked with a mentor for the last six months and then when he got handed the Bailey case, he felt I was ready. I hadn't even meet Madeline until today. I'd never even held a baby until I picked her up, how was I supposed to comfort her?"

"It just takes some getting use to." JJ explained. "Trust me, when my son was born, that first week home was a nightmare. It took me weeks to figure out how to comfort him. Every baby's different, but with a few tweaks, the basic techniques always work. You just got to get the hang of it."

She was smiling down at the baby as she said her part, but Reid felt her eyes flash up for a moment, locking with his. As if to let him know she wasn't just talking to the social worker, and this advice should be considered.

Reid didn't move any closer, and he found he couldn't watch anymore. At once, he turned and rushed towards the door, practically shoving Morgan to get out. "Let's go." He ordered. Morgan was right behind him.

It didn't matter what his friends thought and it certainly didn't matter what a test said. Reid was not a father. He could never give the love and attention and care that a child needed in order to survive, in order to be happy. He'd only wind up hurting her, abandoning her like she meant nothing. Reid knew his limits and he wasn't about to push them.


	7. 90 Days

"So, when do you get the results?" Maeve asked in anticipation the next morning.

Reid was standing at a pay phone not far from Morgan's apartment. Hopefully he was sleeping in this morning, and not out for a neighborhood run or getting coffee with his latest flame.

"They said 3-5 business days, so... Wednesday at the earliest." Reid explained. "The latest, Friday afternoon. Trust me, I'm... counting the minutes."

"You need to relax." Maeve ordered in a very soothing manner. "There's no point in stressing yourself out over something that you can't deal with until the time comes. Stress is a major contributor to people with chronic migraines, and we don't want those coming back."

He appreciated the 'we'. At least he knew she was sticking beside him through this. It was one thing for his friends, they'd all known each other a long time, and had seen some of the most depraved aspects of society. Maeve, he hadn't known that long. On an intellectual and emotional level, he knew her very well, but they didn't have a real history. She wasn't obligated to support him as much as she was.

"I think I'm having more of a problem with chest pain." Reid clarified, pulling his jacket closer around him. It was getting colder. Fall was on it's way out and winter was due in soon. "Every time I think about the baby, or Caroline being dead, I feel a sharp pain on my left side."

"Pain on the left of the chest indicates a heart problem." She replied, and there was a definite hint of worry in her tone. "I'd say the stress of the situation is raising your blood pressure. You could take a low dose of aspirin to battle that, but I always prefer the homeopathic approach. Try eating some bananas and low fat milk and unsalted sunflower seeds every day. Spinach is also very good, too."

He grimaced. "I hate spinach."

Maeve giggled. "I know you do."

The attitude seemed light for a minute, but the shadow fell over them again. Their conversation today was solemn, and whenever they tried to talk about anything else, it felt more like they were avoiding the subject. Everything lead right back to the baby. Reid was anxious to go back to the way things used to be. He just kept thinking that this time next week, it would. He and Maeve would have their usual conversations. No other living being could work his mind like she could, leaving him with thoughts that he would ponder for the days following.

"So..." Maeve mentioned, knowing just as well as he there was no point in avoiding it. "Have you thought about... what you're going to do? If the test is positive?"

Reid let out a sigh. Usually, they thought so alike, it wasn't hard for the both of them to agree. And if not, appreciate the other's point of view. Like his friends, however, Maeve wasn't about to live in a delusion that was sure the child wasn't his. She wanted to look at this from all angles, and be better prepared when the results came in.

"I don't want to think about it." Reid shook his head. "I know I have a decision to make if it is, but... right now, the whole situation makes me feel sick."

"Spencer, you need to calm down." Maeve urged. "It's not healthy for you to get so upset."

"I can't exactly help it, Maeve!" Reid exclaimed. "Every time I manage to forget about it, it suddenly hits me like a brick wall all over again... the fact that I might have a child. And suddenly I'm dizzy and I can't breathe."

She was dying to ask this question, and suddenly found she could hold back no more. "Would it be such a tragedy... if the child were yours?"

"Of course it would!" Reid cried. "You know that. Maeve, one of the first things you learned about me was my medical history."

"The largest concern about this is the possible chance of schizophrenia, and there's still no solid proof that is passed down genetically." Maeve explained. "Even if it is, you only have a 15% chance of having the disease, your child would have even less. And I don't think that's the real problem here."

"Oh, so now you're a psychiatrist?" Reid wondered, stopping himself before he said something he'd regret again.

"No," she replied, "but I do know you. I know a lot about your friends and your family and your job and what makes you 'you'... but I notice, I don't know anything about your father. I don't remember you ever mentioning him... and I'd like to know why."

Reid wasn't sure what to say. He hadn't talked about his father. Reid had told Maeve an awful lot about his childhood, but he'd left out the more private parts. He hadn't said a word about Caroline until recently, mostly because it still hurt how they parted. Perhaps that was why he hadn't spoken about his dad, either.

"He left us," He muttered, quietly.

A pause followed on the other end, followed by a whispered. "I'm sorry."

"I was ten," he began to explain. "A lot had happened between he and mother, things I didn't learn about until a few years ago. I'll tell you about them someday." He promised. Now was not the time to get into the subject, or how Reid had come across discovering the truth. "My mom was getting worse and... my dad just didn't know what to do... they couldn't stay together and my dad couldn't raise me. He couldn't even be around me..." That pain in his chest was developing again as he uttered with a catch in his throat. "He was ten minutes away from us my whole life and I never even knew it until I was almost thirty."

"Oh, Spencer," Maeve's gentle voice eased through the phone. "I'm so sorry."

"He told me he lost his confidence, and there was no going back." He explained, trying his best not to get upset over this. "My mother always said he was weak... and the weak can't survive."

She seemed to sense what he was thinking, answering with the strongest confidence he'd ever heard from her. "You are not weak, Spencer."

"I never said I was," He grumbled.

"I know that's what you're thinking," She insisted. "It's what you've been thinking since your dad walked out, isn't it?"

"My dad always wanted a big family." He answered. "I used to think it was me that drove him away, that I was a disappointment as a son, but maybe he just wasn't meant to be a father. People walk into things they've dreamed about for years with the best of intentions and fail miserably. I can't hope for things to be different... especially if I'm doing this alone."

"But, Spencer, you shouldn't just throw that away because you're scared." Maeve insisted. "You may not be able to give her everything, but if you just try, you might be able to give her the best life she could have, all because you love her."

He didn't even know this baby. He'd had merely a week to get used to the idea, he couldn't imagine actually loving a child he knew nothing about.

"A long time ago I was sure I didn't want children, ever." Reid uttered. "When my friend was pregnant, I... thought about it a little differently, that maybe someday, I might change my mind... well, if that day hasn't come with the facts involved, I can't hope it ever will."

"Making this decision can't be done lightly. You have to think it thoroughly to know if what your choosing is the best interest for everyone and not just you." She assured. "Please understand, I am not trying to force you into a decision. Whatever you choose, Spencer, I support you. You're the best person I've ever known... but I worry about you. This could be the only child you ever have. I don't want you to look back on this in twenty years and... regret not taking the chance."

Something about that made Reid's mind come to a stop. It was subtle, but it definitely gave him a hint of what Maeve was thinking in the future. Was she just being logical, thinking in hypotheticals instead of hopeful fantasy... or did she honestly expect there would be no children in his future... or a future with her.

Suddenly, he wondered where that fear had come from. Had he even thought about children with Maeve? It didn't make sense, it had never come into his conscious mind before.

"I won't regret my decision." He reassured. "I will think it through before my final say, I will do that for you. And for the rest of my life... I will have no regrets. I promise you."

That was good enough for her, and the end of discussion on the topic for the rest of their conversation. But it was all Reid could ponder for the rest of the afternoon and the days following.

* * *

Friday morning at last arrived. The week itself seemed to go so slowly for Reid, each agonizing day passing without any hint of news. Yet when the end of the week arrived, it felt like time had gotten away from him. Every time he heard his phone ring, he swore his heart stopped for a moment. It got to the point he quite carrying it in his pocket, swearing it vibrated every few minutes. His nerves were definitely on the edge.

Right now, the team was busy at the unit. Blake was finishing up last case's reports while Reid was trying to work out a profile for the police in Milwaukee. Studying their files was a great way to clear out his head, blocking the outside world for just a little while.

Meanwhile, Rossi was busying himself in his own office. At least, he was pretending to be. Looking forward to the peaceful weekend ahead, he sat back in his chair with a hot cup of coffee in hand, admiring the scene out the window. Judging by the line of clouds on the horizon, the beautiful day the morning had promised would soon be morphing into a monstrous storm. Thankfully, no snow was predicted. He wasn't ready to deal with the bitterness of winter quite yet.

The phone on his desk rang, disturbing his thoughts. Rossi let out a despondent sigh. No one ever called him for a good reason, not at the office. Like the clouds on the horizon, he had a sense his blissful morning was about to be swept up in a storm. Setting his coffee down, he grabbed the receiver. "Hello, this is Rossi."

"Hello, Agent Rossi," the caller delightfully responded on the other end. "I'm glad I caught you, I'm not disturbing you am I?

Rossi smiled widely, pleased his suspicions had been wrong. Of all the women he had in his life, this was one he adored the most, and hoped no matter how far away she was, she'd always be around. "You? Never?"

"Glad to hear to that." She replied. "How are you doing, may I ask?"

"Me, oh, you know, it's not easy being me." He teased a bit. "How is Merry Old London?"

"Uh..." Emily hesitated slightly, not sure how to answer. "It's different... I mean, I like it... I can't say I don't miss being home, though."

That shouldn't be surprising. Emily had been working in the United Kingdom for nearly four months now, taking over as head of Interpol's London Office. It wasn't enough time for her to fully acclimate herself to the new lifestyle... but something about it stood out in Rossi's mind.

"Well, we certainly miss you." Rossi said. "Any chance we'll be seeing you soon?"

Her tone shifted again, as if nothing had bothered her at all. "Actually, that's why I'm calling. I'm... in town now."

"No kidding," He cried. "Should we have known that?"

"Actually, it was a last minute thing, I'm in the middle of a case." She explained.

Rossi retorted, "Hmm... it's kind of odd the boss lady is in the thick of investigating. Is there something going on?"

"It's nothing too serious. We got involved in a trafficking case about a month ago and we recently learned their headquarters seemed to be based in DC. I offered to come in... just to do a little poking around." She clarified.

"I see," He answered. "Well, the team will be happy to see you. Especially Reid..." he glanced out the window at the young man, flipping through file after file from a large stack on his desk. He'd been immersing himself in his work all week. It might be helping him, but that couldn't be healthy. "He could really use you right now."

She paused a moment, and was suddenly filled with worry. "What's going on with Reid? I... I just got a letter from him, he told me everything that was going on with work and... his life... he seemed fine."

"If he sent that letter more than a month ago, he was yet unaware himself what was going on." He replied, still watching the young man. His cell phone must have rang because Reid suddenly looked, staring down at the rectangle in worry. With a trembling hand he answered it, and Rossi wished he could hear what he was saying. They'd been anticipating the results to come in just as much as he was, they were just better at hiding it. "It's too much to go into over the phone... but it will blow your mind. He's been pretty private about it, but he'll open up to you. He's always been able to. When are we going to see you?"

"Actually... I'd prefer if you didn't tell the team yet." Emily admitted. "My schedule's a little hectic right now, I'm not sure when I'll be available. I don't want to treat them like they're just some kind of obligation when I come to town. I just wanted to see if you wanted to meet me for dinner tomorrow night. I've really missed you."

"Uh, sure," Rossi answered. "I actually didn't have any plans, so I'm wide open. I'll make a reservation and pick you up about 8?"

"Sounds great." She smiled. "You can tell me what the hell's going on with our handsome boy."

As he looked out the window again, he now spotted Reid had left his desk and was now hurrying up the stairs to the catwalk, dashing over to Hotch's office. "Sure, thing. Hopefully, you'll be able to see the others soon. I know they miss you, especially Hotch."

Emily hesitated again, a catch in her voice as she replied, "I doubt that. I'll see you tomorrow night."

They said their goodbyes and Rossi hung up. He looked forward to seeing Emily again. Things just weren't the same without her around.

He savored his joy for a split second before he remembered what was going on. Getting up quickly, Rossi rushed out, heading right next door. There, the next office stood open.

"Hey," Rossi called as he walked in. Hotch and Reid looked in mid-conversation, the nervous young boy jumped a bit as the third man appeared. "What's going on?"

"Reid heard back from Social Services." Hotch explained. He stood up, buttoning his jacket in a professional manner.

Anxious, Rossi took a deep breath. He searched Reid's face for a tell. It was panicked, definitely, but he wasn't sure what that could mean. "What's the news?"

"They want to tell me in person." Reid explained, turning to him. "I don't know if that's good news or bad."

"It's probably just because they want to know you're attorney's present." Hotch said gently. "You should worry, Reid. We'll both go down there and deal with this. What time do we have to be there?"

He shook his head. "They said as soon as possible. Rodriguez would be there all day."

Hotch understood, grabbing his keys from the desk before going to get his coat. "Alright, let me inform Morgan where we're going in case anything comes up. You gather your things and meet me at the elevator."

He couldn't speak. His throat was so tight and along with the increasing chest pain, he felt dizzy and light headed. Everything around him felt like a dream. He replied with nothing but a nod.

Hotch quickly stepped out, wanting to get everything taken care as fast as possible. Reid knew he had to grab his own coat and bag, but he couldn't move. He felt so flustered, he couldn't even remember how to walk.

Stepping forward, Rossi kindly patted his shoulder. "It's going to be okay, Reid. I can feel it."

"Really?" He finally choked out. "What if it's not?"

He knew the young man was scared, but Rossi was older, and knew much more about how the world worked. "You'll see. It always turns out alright in the end." He smiled.

* * *

Rain was pouring outside in icy sheets. The two men were bundled up tightly as they headed into the revolving door of the large government building. There were a lot of divisions of social services, ranging from work with all kinds of people, but children was probably its biggest department, taking up an entire floor.

"Come on," Hotch said as they read over the map in the lobby. "Second floor."

Reid nodded mutely as he followed the older man towards the elevators. His feet were freezing from the cold, the rain having soaked through the fabric right down through his colorful socks. The rubber of his soles squeaked along the marble floor, and waited with Hotch and the standing crowd.

They all gathered into the car after it arrived and dropped off its load. Hotch kept checking on the young man who's eyes seemed to have glazed over a bit. It was like he was trying to put himself in any place but here. What was running through that abnormal brain in order to make him feel normal? No one could possibly know.

The agents were the only two to step out on the second floor, stumbling through the crowd that seemed nearly reluctant to let them off. They headed down the hall to the opened door with **Administration for Children's Services** written on the frosted glass. Hotch stepped in first, followed by Reid who was definitely shaking. And not from the cold.

"Excuse me," Hotch said to a young woman at the first desk he approached. "We're here to see Sophia Rodriguez, she's expecting us."

She stood slowly, pulling herself from her pile of paperwork she was focused on. "Have a seat, I'll tell her you're here."

Behind them was a row of chairs, none of which looked remotely comfortable. Hotch wasn't intimidated, taking a seat at once. Reid wanted to pace, to burn this excess energy that was coursing through his nerves, but one glance from his unit chief told him not to. He'd have to try his best to be patient, an act that didn't come easily for him. Slowly, he eased himself into the chair beside him. They waited.

For nearly 20 minutes, they sat there without a bit of acknowledgement. If this were a sign of the United States Social Services work system, it was no wonder it was in so much trouble. There was so much work to be done and so little people to do it. Truly, a thankless job.

At last, they saw the young Spanish woman quickly heading towards them. "Dr. Reid, Agent Hotchner, glad you could make it today!"

She offered her hand as she stepped forward, which Hotch accepted. "We wanted to get this cleared up as soon as possible."

"Understandable," She nodded. "Follow me, I'll take you to my desk and we'll finish up."

Reid had barely acknowledged the woman, his eyes lingering on the floor. At that, however, at the sign that this would soon be finished, he felt a weight come off his chest. This nightmare was over. It was finally over. And his world wasn't about to crash down on him. Finally, he could breathe."

"So the results," Reid mentioned happily as they sat down before he desk. She was almost in the clear back of the spacious room; it was quite a walk back here, "they were negative?"

Rodriguez picked up a sealed white envelope. "I actually don't know yet. Protocol says I'm not allowed to read it until you're present." She smiled as she handed it to him. "Would you like to do the honors?"

Reid stared at the paper in fear, unsure what he was about to read inside. He swallowed hard, his throat suddenly dry and constricted. His chest was feeling so tight again and Reid worried this time, his own heart might be choking him.

"May I?" Hotch asked, looking to Reid for permission. The terrified young man met his eyes and managed a quick nod. He couldn't bring himself to read it, but at least Hotch could. His mind was screaming for it to be negative. It had to be. There was no other alternative.

Hotch took the envelope and carefully opened it. Reid couldn't tear his eyes from the man as he carefully unfolded the paper, setting the torn parchment aside. He started at the top, reading at a speed so much slower than the young man. This was agony.

Hotch instantly became surprised, but there was no way to tell what had startled him.

"Well?" Rodriguez asked, just as curious about the whole situation.

He turned to Reid, who learned the news just before he said it, giving a very sympathetic expression as slowly, he nodded.

At first, Reid's vision became a bit blurry and he squinted at Hotch to make sure he was seeing him right. "You're not serious." He demanded.

"Yes," Hotch answered. "It's positive, Reid."

Part of his brain felt like it went dead. Just blacked out entirely from the sheer shock of what he'd just learn. The other part remained in control, gaping at his boss as if this were a joke. This had to be a joke. He still refused to believe this whole thing wasn't a prank.

Without a word, he snatched the paper from his boss's hand, reading it over for himself. A definite lab report. It had the DNA from both Caroline and her daughter, obviously both matching, and then the DNA from Spencer Reid. The markers matched for certain. In case there were any doubts, there was a labeled result right at the bottom, written in the boldest print he'd ever seen.

"I'm... I'm... a father," Reid uttered in disbelief. He slumped back in his chair, feeling like he was falling through space. His head had begun spinning and he was pretty sure he was about to vomit.

"Dr. Reid," Rodriguez called fearfully, unable to take her eyes from him. "Are you alright?"

How could she possibly ask that question? She knew he wasn't feeling alright. In fact, he felt like the earth was trying to swallow him into a living grave and he was fighting with everything to stay out.

"I think he just needs some air," Hotch insisted, getting out of his seat and tried to pull Reid from his, "Come on, let's go out into the hall."

Reid wanted to stand, but feared he would fall over as soon as he put weight on his legs made of melted marshmallow.

"No," Reid shoved Hotch off him. "I want to go home, just... show me where I need to sign."

Rodriguez paused for a moment, confused. "Excuse me?"

"You have to have some kind of forms or papers that need my signature in order to terminate my parental rights, so where are they?" Reid demanded to know. "I want to get this over with."

"Reid," Hotch urged, "let's just calm down-"

"You calm down!" Reid yelled at him, and in turn got the attention of more than half of those in the room. Turning back, he banged his hand on the desk. "Well, do you have the papers or do I have to come back?"

She wasn't sure what to say, never seeing someone so determined to walk away with this. He wasn't even thinking about it. "There are other options, Dr. Reid."

"I'm aware of the other options!" Reid cried and finally managed to shove Hotch's grip off his jacket. "I've thought about them and frankly, it's irresponsible of this organization to expect me to change my whole life without a thought! I am not taking responsibility for something I don't want, so please... just let me be done with this."

He was so enraged and nearly out of control. Rodriguez wanted to argue with him, but found herself backing down. She was just a breath away from accepting his demands and going to fetch the proper paperwork... and then it would be truly out of his hands.

Hotch, however, knew this man too much to let his rarely seen fury put him off. "Actually, Ms. Rodriguez, I'm advising that Dr. Reid doesn't make any decisions until he converses with his lawyer, so if you could let us talk for a moment."

"Of course," she sighed with relief, and indicated the hall. "Take as much time as you need."

"Thank you," He said, and with that used all his might to make Reid stand. He struggled a moment, like a criminal being lead off to lock up, but eventually complied. He allowed his chief to lead him from the room, past the waiting area and dozens of eyes on him, and out into the quiet corridor.

Hotch took the initiative to close the door, not wanting their conversation to be overheard. "That was completely uncalled for."

"No offense, Hotch," Reid cried, turning to look at him, "but you don't get a say in this! You have no idea what I'm going through right now, and maybe this isn't what you agree with, but it is my decision and mine alone. I've already made it, so don't stand there and pretend like you can lecture me because you can't!"

"All I want you to do is calm down!" He ordered. "You're letting your emotions take control and that's inhibiting you from making a controlled and informed decision. I know this is a shock, but you haven't been planning for this all week like you should have been. You need to think this through rationally."

He shook his head, staring at Hotch with sadness and hatred and, no surprise, the most fear he'd ever seen in a man's eyes. "I cannot take care of a child. I am not father material. It's bad enough this child could wind up like me without me having any contact with her, but to subject her to a life with no one but me to care for her... that's a sentence I wouldn't wish on anyone."

"Why are you doubting yourself so much?" Hotch asked, appalled. It pained him to think this brilliant young man thought so little of himself. He was capable of great things and, while there was no proof he would succeed at this, he couldn't imagine a caring man as this wouldn't make at least an adequate parent.

"Because I know I can't do this." Reid answered with a shrug. "I'm alone because I can't hurt anyone that way... and I'm making a very big risk right now with Maeve. I could hurt her so much and that's the last thing I want, but I'm addicted to her. I can't stop myself from connecting with her... this baby I can stop. I can't let this baby get attached to me when I could never love her like a person should."

He expected further argument, but Hotch looked at him curiously as he questioned, "Who's Maeve?"

Reid staggered a moment. He was so distraught over this, he couldn't even control what he said, and he certainly couldn't think of an excuse right now.

For lack of a better term, Reid gave in and labeled her. "She's my girlfriend."

Now it was Hotch's turn to be stunned. "I... I... I didn't know you had a girlfriend."

"No one, did." He insisted. "We, uh... don't have a conventional relationship. We've actually never even seen each other, we just talk on the phone and exchange letters."

Reid was grateful his boss didn't ask why. "Does she know about this?" Hotch answered.

He bowed his head, nodding and answering with a meek voice, "She's the only person I told. I couldn't keep this from her."

Taking a step closer, Hotch thought he might be able to use this to his advantage. "And how does she feel about this? Does she share your enthusiasm to walk away?"

"I wouldn't say that," Reid answered, looking up. "Maeve said she will support me with whatever choice I make... but..."

"But what?" Hotch demanded.

Reid grumbled, "She wants me to make sure I think my choice through."

"Well, excuse me for saying so, but that is not what you're doing right now." Hotch indicated. "What are you going to tell her about this? Are you going to tell her you immediately turned the child over to Social Services... or, are you just going to make the story fit your fantasy and tell her the test was negative?"

"Of course not!" Reid yelled. His voice echoed through the corridor, letting him hear how out of control he was. He barely recognized himself. He lowered it again, trying to speak calmly. "I could never lie to her."

"Dr. Reid?" a call came from the doorway. They hadn't even realized it had opened again, letting the bustling noise invade their solitude.

Hotch turned to look, with Reid moving so as to see for himself. Sophia Rodriguez was coming out to the hall, closing the door behind her. Silence fell once more.

"We'll just be another minute, ma'am," Hotch said, not done arguing his point. He probably never would, and if Reid walked away from this, he was sure he'd never be able to respect him again.

"I actually have something I need to say." She informed, looking to the young genius. "I have some middle ground for you."

Middle ground didn't seem like much of a bargain at all. He didn't want to give in to this, not in the slightest. But he was so emotionally exhausted, he couldn't argue.

"A lot of fathers come in here in your position, Dr. Reid." She explained. "Men who had no idea they had a child, left behind when their mothers died. Children who are older and much more devastated at the loss of their mother than Madeline. It's difficult to start a family that way, to make an innocent child form a new life with someone they'd never met... so we offer a term of temporary custody."

"What's that?" Reid wondered. "She... lives in a foster home and I come visit her?" He wasn't even so sure he liked that idea. He just wanted to put this behind him and never look back. No matter what it took, he'd force himself to forget.

"No," Rodriguez corrected. "It's more like... you are the foster parent. You would take custody of her for 90 days. That's three months with the baby to see if you can adjust to a life with her, to find out if you're capable of raising her. During which time a social worker - which will be me - keeps an eye on your progress. Every two weeks, I come for a visit to check the living conditions, make sure the baby is healthy and cared for. I also observe you with the child to see how the two of you interact. At the end of 90 days, if you decide you'd like to keep permanent custody, and I sign off that you're a fit parent... the child will be yours. But, if you choose not to, you can sign over your rights and the baby will become a ward of the court."

Hotch turned to him at once. "That sounds reasonable, don't you think?"

"No, I don't!" Reid cried, ready to lose his temper again. "I don't know why you're so invested in this child, but it's not your call. I've made up my mind and you're not going to change it, Hotch. I don't want her and that's the end of this discussion."

Hotch was tired of arguing about this, lowering his voice as he stepped closer. "Reid, you have a daughter. You need to accept that, because whether you take her or not, she will always be yours. She is alive in this world because of you. You owe it to her to be the best father you can be. Maybe it's not right for you to raise her, but you have the chance to see if that's true or not, no strings attached. And if you can't do it... than at least you tried."

He was definitely going to have to take something for the pain in his chest, which burned in his heart like fire.

He hated to admit it, but Hotch was right. This baby was alive because of him, and he'd never forget that, no matter how hard he tried. Besides that, he had promised Maeve. He swore he would think it through for her. He was certain he should give the baby up, but Maeve saw something in him. Maybe something he couldn't understand. His last thought was how he was bound to regret this as he looked to Rodriguez with a very green complexion.

"90 days?" He questioned.

"Yes," She nodded.

He was certain he would live to regret this.


	8. Hang In There

It was the shortest 48 hours Reid had ever experienced. He couldn't remember most of his weekend, the only vibrant moment was his conversation with Maeve on Sunday. He wasn't even so sure he'd be going through with this today, had it not been for her. What had he done in his life before he found her?

_The phone started ringing, but Reid didn't answer it right away. His fingers lingered on the receiver in doubt. It was the first time he hadn't wanted to talk to her... because he couldn't have this conversation with her._

_He had to answer though. Reid would never just leave her. At last, mustering his strength, he picked up the phone, slowly setting it to his ear. "I'm here."_

_"Spencer," she sighed with relief. "I was getting worried."_

_"I know, I'm sorry," He replied. "How are you doing, I've missed you."_

_She didn't reply. Maeve paused a moment before she answered. "The baby's yours, isn't she?"_

_He had hoped to lead up to that. Eased into this part of the conversation. It wasn't exactly like he could keep this from her forever, or lie. For three months, he would be trapped into this. There was no way to tell if he'd get another Sunday to call her for the time being. He choked a bit on his words, trying to find the right ones to say. Nothing seemed right at all._

_"How did you know?" He finally hissed, trying to clear his throat._

_"It wasn't difficult to deduce, Spencer," she pointed out. "If the test had been negative, you would have been exceedingly happy. You would have called me right away. When I didn't hear from you by Friday night, I knew... and I knew you'd come to me when you were ready."_

_"I can't believe this happened, Maeve." Reid said, still in shock about the whole thing. He shook his head, feeling like his brain had come to pieces and were rattling inside. "Never... never in my life... could I have envisioned... in my wildest... it's just not something... I can't even fathom... I'm so ashamed of myself."_

_She shushed him gently, and Reid could almost feel her comforting presence surrounding him. "Spencer, it's alright, just calm down. I know you're feeling a lot of things, but the last thing you should feel is ashamed."_

_"I did this!" He cried. "I... was so stupid, I got Caroline pregnant. I made her have a child and she died because of it, and I made this child an orphan!"_

_"Spencer, you didn't do nearly that much!" Maeve exclaimed in debate. "Yes, you got your friend pregnant. It's not a subject to take lightly, but it happened! It's not a tragedy. And you're not the only one to blame about that. Caroline chose to have the child. She knew the risks and she knew the situation she was in... she must have felt that having this child was more important than the consequences. I'm not going to pretend I can relate to her situation, but as a woman, I can appreciate that."_

_Reid was curious. "How so?"_

_Maeve explained her reasoning. "I'm not going to deny the fact that I've carried a strong sense of maternal instincts most of my life. It's a primitive drive that evolved with our species in order for females to care for their young until they reached an age of maturity."_

_He couldn't help but smile. Reid liked when things were made scientific. It made them seem so simple, down to their natural state._

_"Not to mention," she added, "I had a very strong female influence in my life. My mother has always been a great role model for me and... her caring and loving nature has given me a sense of nurturing. I like to care for people important to me... and, while I won't pretend I knew Caroline as well as you, I know if I were her in that position... I wouldn't be so quick to dismiss the life of having a child."_

_"So..." Reid was interested in seeing how this scenario would pan out. He wasn't sure whether he considered himself a part of it or just a theoretical male, he had to continue. "If you discovered a man... important in your life, but not necessarily a lover, had gotten you pregnant... you would keep the child? Even if you knew it wasn't safe or smart for either of you?"_

_Maeve hesitated, making her sound not entirely truthful on her point. "I said if I were Caroline... finding myself in that position might yield different results."_

_It was certainly a deflating comment. Reid backed away from the subject, unsure where it would lead to, and unsure why it started to upset him. "Well, I still feel a sense of responsibility. The more I consider that, the more I know I have an obligation to this."_

_There was a silence for a beat or two before Maeve asked, breathless, "You mean you're taking that baby?"_

_Now it was his turn to hesitate. It was not clear if she was happy or saddened by this news, but she was definitely taken. "I've been actually given an... interesting opportunity."_

_"Is that a fact?" Maeve wondered. "What, exactly?"_

_There was no turning back now. Closing his eyes, Reid forced the block in his throat to clear and started to explain. Before he knew it, he was too far in to stop. Thankfully, Maeve remained silent on the other end, letting him get everything out._

_When he finished, he waited, anxious for her response. He knew her very well, but at a time like this, he couldn't predict what to expect. In the quiet, he waited, simply listening to the sounds of the traffic behind him._

_"I can't believe it," Maeve said, slightly stunned. "I... really never thought you'd do it, Spencer. I thought if the test was positive... you'd give her up."_

_"Believe me, I wanted to," He replied. "I was ready to walk out of that building and never look back, but a lot of things kept me grounded. Hotch for one, he wouldn't let me leave. He might have shot me if I tried."_

_"I wouldn't put it past him." Maeve laughed, who knew so much about the BAU team, it was like they were her friends, too._

_"Another..." Reid wasn't sure how to say this, still feeling awkward when he opened himself to her, "was you."_

_He heard her smile as she answered. "I didn't think you'd listen to me."_

_She really had no idea the effect she had on him. "At first, I only thought I'd have the two options, but... when I learned about temporary custody... I thought about what I promised you. That I would think it through... and this is the best option to do that... although..."_

_He trailed off, hating himself for feeling this way. Every time he thought about the next day, his stomach turned into knots. He was eating Tums like M&Ms and hadn't even tried to sleep, knowing it would be hopeless._

_"What?" Maeve pressed. "What is it, you can tell me, Spencer, you know that."_

_He wondered if she would just let it go if he didn't want to talk about it. But he did. He needed to get this off his chest and after today, he'd never get another chance. He had less than 24 hours before that baby was in his possession._

_"This is a huge mistake!" Reid confessed. "Maeve, I feel like every part of me is saying I can't do this. I don't even have her yet and I'm already thinking of backing out."_

_"That's not going to be the case. You will pull through this, Spencer, and everything will be just fine." She assured. "And, in three months, no matter what you decide, you'll be happy you did this."_

_"I want to believe that, but I'm not a fit father!" He wouldn't budge on that subject, and couldn't see why no one else would accept that._

_She didn't get angry. She didn't argue or speak loudly in order for him to see her point, as the others did. Instead, she let out a dreamy sigh. "It pains me how little you think of yourself. There is so much more to you than you realize. You know how smart you are, everyone knows. But I know so much more. You have such a good heart and a kind soul. I can see that and I've never even laid eyes on you. You may not have the baby yet, but I am already so proud of you. You are the strongest, bravest man I've ever known and this baby's life is going to be changed forever because, even if it's just a little while, you were in it." She paused a moment, as if expecting him to retort. Reid didn't know what to say, but it didn't matter. She was in his head and knew what he was thinking before the thought even crossed his mind. "You don't believe that, but I do. It happened to me, Spencer. You came out of nowhere into my world when I desperately needed you and I didn't even know it. I have a feeling your daughter is in the same situation right now... and I'm sure she's much more impressionable than me."_

_For a moment, all Reid could do was stand there, reveling in her words. To think that someone felt so strongly about him, that believed in him so. It might not mean much to someone else, but to him it meant the world._

He'd almost done it again that morning. For a split second, he was ready to admit his love for her. Truly this time, not as some Freudian slip while emotionally devastated. Maybe she would have said it back... maybe she would have been too stunned to say it at all, or just think he was overly emotional about his situation. It didn't matter, he knew it wasn't the right time. He'd have to keep waiting... if that time would ever come.

"You've been awfully quiet back there, kid." Morgan mentioned, glancing at him in the rearview mirror with a smirk. "You doing okay?"

The seconds were ticking away and Reid was getting closer and closer to his doom. Morgan was in the passenger seat, with Hotch driving the three in his jeep. Even though it was Monday, the entire team had managed to get the day off in order to assist Reid on what seemed the most important day of his life. Reid, on the other hand, had gotten a month's leave starting today. If he made it through that, he'd need to find a daycare and a babysitter... but right now, that felt very far away.

"I'm just wondering why I'm always forced into the backseat." Reid muttered, slumping down a bit against the vinyl. He was trying not to look at the plastic car seat fastened securely beside him.

"Because you've got to sit with the baby on the ride home." Hotch explained sternly.

"Yeah," Morgan mocked, glancing over his shoulder. "Do we need to put you through Daddy Orientation again?"

Indeed, last night JJ and Hotch sat the young man down to teach him the basics of what he needed to know. Changing diapers, heating formula, everything a new parent took months to learn. Of course, other parents had months before their baby arrived, not forced to become an expert in just a few days time.

"Shut up, Morgan," Reid grumbled, glaring at him. "You know you could just as easily have been in this situation."

"Yeah, isn't it funny how life works?" He laughed, turning around. He was getting too much enjoyment in seeing the young man squirm. Reid decided not to retaliate, folding his arms as he stared at the carpet under his feet. There was a smear of peanut butter that went under his shoe, no doubt left from Jack recently. They would be there soon.

Soon suddenly became now. Hotch pulled into a more residential area, directed by the calming voice of his GPS. The home was around here somewhere, it was just a matter of finding it.

"I remember this place," Morgan remembered as they turned onto Cherrywood Lane. "I had to come here on a case a few years ago."

"Really?' Reid wondered, sitting up a bit.

"Yeah, Prentiss and I had to gather some evidence on the twin infant daughters of a victim." He continued. "It's such a sad place, being in there... knowing all those kids have been orphaned... or abandoned. It breaks your heart, you know."

"Yeah," Hotch found Reid's gaze in the mirror, staring back at him notably, like he were trying to convey to him how important this opportunity was.

Their destination was at the end of the block. It was an old Victorian house painted burgundy with green shutters. Like most of the houses on this block, it looked old enough to have seen the Civil War. Most of the houses on this street had been turned into small businesses. Dentists and attorneys and small boutiques. This was the only none profit one to be seen.

Outside the house was a large sign. Jefferson Children's Home, Est. 1919. The place was well kept, but it didn't give off a friendly appearance. It didn't look like the place a child would want to live. Then again, if the circumstances arise that would bring a child here, it wouldn't be for a happy occasion.

"Doesn't even look like kids live here." Morgan mentioned, getting out the car. Some leaves had gathered in the lawn from the autumn winds. It did have a rather spooky appearance to it, and if Reid weren't so disturbed about being here, he would have found it very fitting for Halloween.

"They don't typically take children over two." Hotch explained. "This place is mostly used to house those left under the Safe Haven law."

Reid couldn't help but stretch his intellectual muscles as they started up the path to the front door. "Not originally, Save Haven's only been in effect since the turn of the 21st century. Most likely, this was first established as an orphanage. It certainly would be large enough for one, but when the orphanages were decommissioned in the 70s, they most likely decided to make it more of a temporary residence."

"That definitely was a mistake," Hotch mumbled as they climbed onto the wooden, winding porch.

Reid and Morgan couldn't help but stop, looking at him in amazement. "What do you mean?" Morgan wondered. How could he say something like that?

"You may disagree with me, but I strongly object to the foster system of this country. Today, they're given to families who, most of the time, see them as meal tickets and aren't given they care and love they need. Orphanages may not have been ideal, but they were run by decent, often religious people who were only concerned about the children's well being, and tried to find them families who really wanted them." He glanced at Reid a moment. "I'm a father, I can't help thinking about these things, feeling for all those starving and neglected children."

They both stood in awe for a moment, never having been in the older man's shoes. They cared about children, but couldn't relate to that kind of love as a father would. Although it did fill Reid with so much more guilt. He knew about the foster system, he had researched it fully as a child, knowing how social services were breathing down his family's neck. For so many years, he spent all day in fear he'd come home to find a strange car in his driveway, waiting to take him away from his mother. Every time the door knocked, he panicked as to who it might be. His mother might have been sick and difficult to handle, but she loved him. He wouldn't have found that living with strangers.

It occurred to him at that moment that his daughter might not, either. Baby's were much more desirable than older kids or teens... but it wasn't a guarantee she'd be adopted.

"Reid?" Morgan asked as Hotch rang the doorbell. "You ready?"

He pushed the fear from his mind. He couldn't think about those consequences, because that was out of his hands. Discovering he couldn't do this and needing to turn her over wouldn't change the system, and he needed to forgo those worries in order to worry for himself.

"Yeah," He nodded, standing at attention with the two other men. This was it... he was finally here.

The door opened and an elderly woman answered. "Can I help you?"

"Dr. Spencer Reid is here on behalf of his daughter, Madeline Bailey. I trust he is expected." Hotch explained. Reid was grateful, he wasn't sure if he'd be able to say hello, let alone say why he was there.

The woman eyed all three of them. "Which one of you is Spencer Reid?"

Reaching into his pocket, he pulled out his badge. "I am," he announced and reluctantly made his way to the front, showing her his picture ID. The woman tried to take it from his hand, but that wasn't protocol, and so he hung on. She eyed it carefully through her spectacles, trying to determine if it were a fake.

Once she was satisfied, she grumbled and opened the door further. "Come in, she should be ready by now."

The three followed her inside. It was darker than seemed natural for a home with children. There wasn't a sound to be heard. No crying baby's, no soft music. In fact, it felt more like they had walked into a mortuary than a children's home.

"How many kids do you have here?" Morgan wondered, getting a look at his surroundings. There was a large wooden staircase that disappeared out of sight past a landing.

The old lady picked up a phone, pressing two numbers and waited for the line to connect. "Right now, we only have four, thank goodness. Our average is five or six, but we've been known to have as many as ten."

Hotch was stunned. "That seems awfully excessive."

"Well, what can you do, sir?" She wondered, waiting for an answer on the phone. "When an abandoned baby needs a home, we're there to give it to them. We never turn anyone away. It's usually no more than a few weeks before we find a placement in a foster home. Yes, Theresa," she turned a bit, speaking into the receiver. "Is Madeline Bailey ready to be picked up?... Good, her father's here, if you could bring her down."

She listened a second longer before hanging up. "It'll be just a moment, your social worker left some paper work to sign, if you could come over here."

"What paperwork?" Reid wondered. He thought he signed everything last Friday. All the agreements to temporary custody and the allowance to let the social worker into his personal life for the next three months. He signed his name so many times, it didn't even look like his signature anymore.

"Just to indicate that you've picked up the child and have taken responsibility for her. Once your name's down and you've stepped off the property, she's no longer a concern of the Jefferson House." She explained. "Is there anything unclear about that?"

It all seemed perfectly reasonable, but Reid still felt confused and outraged by all of this. His life was completely upside down right now and he doubted it would ever be normal again. He simply shook his head, taking the pen she offered him.

"Just sign next to the tabs," She ordered, indicating the arrow post-its throughout the paperwork.

It was no surprise to Morgan and Hotch that Reid hesitated. The pen was poised right over the line, almost as if he'd forgotten his name. Hotch wanted to push him, but he kept quiet, waiting for him to make the decision. He hadn't even realized he was holding his breath until he watched the ink swirl over the bold line.

Once his last signature was down, the old woman took the papers away. "Okay, all set. Now, if there is an emergency or you feel you can't care for the child, you are welcome to bring her back here, but you'll need to sign more papers that say you're surrendering your rights to us. If you do bring her here, it will be permanent at that point. You will not get her back, so do not make the decision lightly."

"I understand," Reid answered rather impolitely. He felt like some common criminal, getting his rights ripped from him for one stupid, yet minor mistake. He still couldn't believe he let this happen.

Going back to stand with his friends, he avoided their eye contact at all cost. He couldn't take anymore of the questioning glances and unheard judgement. He just wanted to go home, but knew it would never feel like home again.

The sound of footsteps came from upstairs and soon a pair of feet were slowly walking down the staircase. A woman, much younger than the first, was making her careful way down to them. As her torso came into view, they saw her arms were protectively caring a sleeping baby, swaddled tightly in a blanket.

She smiled as she came across to the three men. "Sorry," she whispered as she reached them. "I was in the middle of feeding her, but she's full and been burped and is ready to go."

Her words were directed to only two of them. The two who were looking to the baby curiously, their eyes glowing with their interest and adoration, as many people felt when seeing a baby. Especially a baby belonging to one of their closest friends.

"I have her bag upstairs." She continued, rocking the sleeping little one gently in order to keep her at ease. "I'll grab that as soon as I hand her over and then you can put her in her car seat. Which one of you is the father?"

"Uh..." Hotch uttered as both he and Morgan looked to the younger man who looked as if he were about to be sick. "That would be this gentleman here."

The younger girl turned to him, trying to win him over with a kind smile, but quickly saw it was futile. "Uh... okay. Well, sir, if you could take her, I'll get her things and then... you can be on your way."

Reid couldn't even move. He stared at the baby with terror filling him through to his bones. She was so tiny and fragile... he couldn't keep this little thing alive. Couldn't the other's see that?

He looked ready to run out now and leave the baby here where she belonged, so Morgan spoke up, patting him firmly on the back. "I'll grab the car seat for you, kid. You just wait here."

"Right," Reid answered, stepping forward. His arms felt like unbendable steel, not wanting to reach up and be forced to at last take this child. He'd drop her for sure.

Just as JJ had in the hospital room the day her son was born, the girl didn't wait for an answer before shoving the child into his grasp. Reid had no choice but to take her to prevent her from splattering to the floor. He gasped as the full weight of her came into his embrace, holding her up tensely.

Instantly, the peaceful, sleeping baby began to wake. She squirmed and started to whimper in discomfort, unsure what was rustling her from her slumber.

"Easy," Hotch warned, landing a supportive hand on the new dad's shoulder. "Stay calm, they can smell fear."

Reid felt like he was suffocating. The more he tried not to be nervous, the more anxious he became. The baby was instantly becoming fussy, her tiny lips pouting as she got nearer and nearer to letting out her cries.

This shouldn't be so awkward. Reid had held babies before. He'd even fed Henry a few times when he was this small. Yet this time, it was like he was meeting an alien, not someone who apparently shared his ancestry.

Her whimpers were getting worse, which only made him more tense. "Relax," Hotch urged. "Try rocking her, she needs to be eased back to sleep."

"I can't do it!" Reid hissed, glaring up at him. "She doesn't like me!"

"She just met you!" Hotch insisted. They were getting nowhere this way, and so he decided to step in, easing the baby from his arms. "Here... I'll show you."

Like a pro, Hotch took the infant from the stiff arms of her father into his own. Supporting the head while keeping as relaxed as possible so she wouldn't get anxious. Suddenly, it flowed back to him. That joy of holding that cuddly warm weight in his arms. It seemed like just yesterday, he was holding Jack like this. How time did fly.

"There we go," He gave the rarest of smiles at the tiny one, holding her securely. He barely noticed how he began to bounce her, the gentle vibrations easing her to back to sleep. "She just needs to feel safe, that's all. It'll come to you."

Reid did not believe that in the least. A part of him had hoped when he first received the baby, something inside him would click. Wasn't there supposed to be some instinct that a parent had, something to make him feel connected to their child? If it didn't come instantly, it wouldn't come at all.

"She'll be alright," the girl assured, brushing the top of her head. She didn't notice the slight glare Reid shot at her. It wasn't fair this baby that was supposed to belong to him took to two people who were complete strangers to her in every way. "I'll be just a moment."

"Thank you," Hotch smiled as she hurried away. He continued to rock the baby. She was fast asleep now, nestled in the comfort of her warm blankets and the protection of this man's arms. Her tiny mouth twitched a bit in a sucking motion while she dreamed.

Reid watched Hotch carefully, who couldn't seem to take his eyes from the little girl. He hadn't seen his boss so taken since the day he brought in his newborn son to show everyone. That had been so long ago.

"I have missed holding a baby," He said, unable to hold back a smile.

"You make it look so easy." Reid mentioned. Nervously, he took a step closer to get a better look at her.

"Well, I've had a lot of practice." Hotch replied, glancing at him a moment. "But not as much as I'd like."

Slowly, Reid began to lift his hand. Five tiny fingers were poking out of the top of her pink duckie blanket, curling around the hem. He was having this unexplainable urge to brush those fingers... just once. Maybe touching her hand would make this more real.

"So..." Reid mentioned as he moved slightly closer. "You're saying... you wanted to have more children?"

"Not too many," Hotch corrected. "I didn't want a huge family, but I would have liked one or two more." His grin widened as he watched the little girl lick her lips gently in her sleep. She was too adorable. "I always wanted a daughter."

"How come?" Reid wondered. His hand was resting on the edge of the blanket now, trying to work up his courage to reach over.

Hotch wasn't sure exactly how to answer that. It wasn't something that could easily be put into words. "I don't know... boys tend to belong to their mothers, but girls connect to their fathers. They look to them to be protected and loved. A girl's entire personality can be created just by how her father loves her." He rocked the baby soothingly as she stirred slightly, but all she did was nuzzle down into her blankets again to keep warm. "There's something so magical about having a little girl. You're very lucky, Reid."

That comment did not settle easily with the young genius. He had been just about to reach for her hand, but at that, he backed off, taking a step away. As they heard the feet on the steps again, Hotch turned back to him. "You want to try again?"

The front door opened and Reid suddenly felt saved. "Let's just... get her in the car so we can go. I have three months to hold her, after all."

He looked to the floor, shuffling his sneakers on the polished wood floor. Morgan and Hotch exchanged two very bothered looks as they moved to put the baby in the car seat. Reid just stood aside, letting them do the work.

The young girl brought over two bags stuffed tight with supplies. "This is everything the police managed to salvage from her home. Toys and blankets and clothes. We've also supplied you with some diapers and formula. She's on a specific kind, it's next best thing to breast feeding, so she'll be healthy and strong.

She shoved the bags at him much like she had with the baby. Reid took them easily, swinging the straps over his shoulders. They were surprisingly heavy.

"There we go," Hotch announced as he fastened the last buckle. They'd managed to get her into her seat without disturbing her too much. She slept on without a care in the world.

"There are lots of pacifiers in the front pocket. She sometimes gets a bit fussy while she's sleeping, so she likes to have one. Other than that," she backed away, indicating the door, left open from Morgan's return. "You're ready to go."

Reid looked uncertainly at the baby and then out onto the porch. The jeep was parked right outside, looking very much like his last chance at escape. Reid would have loved to drop these bags, dash into that driver's seat, and take off for the horizon. His legs were shaking to do so.

"Thank you for all your help," Hotch said to the two women while picking up the handle of the carrier. "We appreciate it."

"You're very welcome," the older woman said as she led them out the door. Hotch was first, followed by Morgan, and lastly the nervous father himself. She called after him, "Good luck, Dr. Reid."

Pausing a moment, Reid felt himself cringe. It was all on him now. As much as he wanted to reconsider, he refused to look back. He wasn't that weak.

Hotch went to the driver's side to attach the carrier to the fastened seat in the car. Jack's old car seat still worked perfectly, and it didn't take more than a minute to buckle the baby girl securely.

Reid wanted to try for the front seat, but knew he'd never get in there. Morgan would pummel him if he had to. Reluctantly, he tightly clutched the handle of the back door and swung it open. Hesitating, he stared inside at the mound that took up the center. The blanket draped over the tiny form that slept safe and sound.

"Come on, Reid," Hotch said as he was about to climb into the driver's side. "Let's get her home."

He managed a nod and forced himself to climb in on the passenger's side. He buckled the seat belt, his eyes avoiding everything around him.

Morgan, however, couldn't take his eyes off her. He was positioned in his seat, craning his neck over the shoulder rest just to see the sleeping bundle.

"She is so cute!" Morgan exclaimed as he caught sight of her, suckling in her sleep again. "Too cute to be yours, I think."

Reid at last couldn't help but look at her, and his thoughts were not too far off.

* * *

Garcia had been staring out the curtains for over an hour now. Her attention couldn't be wavered. While she kept vigilant at her post, the other three worked tirelessly to add the finishing touches to Reid's bachelor pad. The night before, as JJ and Hotch gave Reid the rundown on basic infant care, Rossi and Morgan helped set up Jack's old baby furniture while the girls brought all of Henry's hand-me-downs, all of which was on loan for the next three months. Reid was fairly certain that was all he'd need.

"Not too shabby," JJ mentioned as she and Blake finally came to sit on the living room couch. "I don't think Reid's apartment has ever been this clean."

"I think this will pass for a baby." Rossi said as he sat in the rocking chair they arranged in the corner of the living room. He let out a sigh as he rocked back and forth casually. "The little one will be fine, it's the daddy I'm worried about."

"Once he gets the basics down, I'm sure he'll do great." Blake said assuredly. "One thing I've always noticed about Reid is he lacks a lot of confidence when he's in unfamiliar territory. He can study all the books he wants, he can listen to past experiences, but he's not going to feel he's capable of this until he gives it a try. And... we'll be here with him every step of the way."

"Are you kidding?" JJ exclaimed. "I don't plan on leaving his side for a while. I'm taking a few sick days and even told Will I'll be camping out right here for at least a week."

She prodded the couch beside her to emphasize her point. Reid didn't need to be so scared. Yes, raising a child would be difficult, but he wasn't in this entirely alone. He had his friends and would have every support needed until he was ready to go solo.

Garcia squealed as she clutched the curtain, shaking it anxiously. "Oh my God, she's here! Little Baby Reid is here!"

The others couldn't resist hurrying over to see. The four gathered around the window, straining to get a sight of the child. Even JJ, who'd already held the baby for herself, was desperate to get another look, standing right at Garcia's side.

"Looks like we've got an audience." Morgan chortled to Hotch as he climbed out of the car. He glanced up at the window, taking in the sight of his friends and gave a wave, which Garcia excitedly returned. "You'd think some big celebrity was here."

"Could someone help me, please!" Reid whined from the back. "I can't... figure out how to unclasp this."

Hotch opened the back door, climbing into the other side. "Relax, Reid, it's not that difficult."

The boy was getting frustrated, unsure how to get under the seat to undo the lock without waking the baby. "I'm sorry I'm not an expert at this stuff yet! I've only had custody of her for twenty minutes, I don't know how to take care of her!"

He wasn't exactly yelling, but the harshness of his voice was enough to wake the sleeping child. Her face started to scrunch up, choking out tiny little sobs as her disturbance grew, unsure why she'd been suddenly awoke by such a startling sound.

Her wails began to fill the car, making Reid flinch. "Oh, hey, don't cry!" Hotch insisted, quickly reaching into his jeans pocket and extracted his keys. He held them over her, jingling them in a playful many. The chiming mixed with the shine of the metal was enough to distract her. Her lips kept pouting, but she was much more interested in the amusing spectacle than her discomfort, which seemed a memory now.

Hotch smiled. "There you go," he continued to shake the keys a moment longer, entertaining her just a bit more. He caught sight of Reid's rather stunned expression, suppressing a laugh. "Trust me, when you deal with a screaming infant, you pick up a few tricks. Baby's love shiny things."

"You're learning from an expert here, kid, take his wisdom." Morgan informed from outside. "Now, it's cold out here. Let's get that baby in where it's warm."

He supposed there was no point in putting it off. Hotch took his keys back, easily reaching under the seat to unhook the clasp. Once it was free, he climbed out of the car. Hotch was leaving the responsibility to him to bring her inside. Grabbing the handle, Reid carefully guided the carrier out the door. Even this was nerve racking.

Once they were safely on the sidewalk, Hotch locked the car and they headed inside. Morgan couldn't help but laugh and shake his head as he saw Garcia rush from the window, no doubt waiting for them in the hall.

A few minutes later, the two men lead the new father and daughter into the home. "Goodness gracious!" Garcia uttered as she caught sight of the baby at last. "Reid, she is absolutely adorable!"

He wasn't sure if he should say 'thank you', and so stayed silent. He walked to the center of the room, setting the baby on the coffee table. She was wide awake at the moment, her tiny eyes darting from each stranger of the room, surrounding her in order to get a better look.

The girls gathered in the front while Rossi stood behind, just as curious. Hotch and Morgan watched, rather amused. It seemed the only person who wasn't enjoying the moment was the father himself as he tried to conceal himself in the corner.

"So this is Madeline," Rossi nodded with approval. "She's so pink."

"And precious," Blake added. She may not have children of her own, but she was just as taken by a little baby as any red blooded human. She sighed as a tiny hand curled around the hem of her blanket again. "Look at those little fingers, she's just so tiny."

"Oh, I could just eat her all up!" Garcia cried, her voice inverted her words to baby talk without even realizing. She turned to Reid with a hopeful expression, ready to beg if need be. "Would it be alright if I hold her? Just for a little while, please?"

Reid was amazed she felt she needed to ask. "Knock yourself out."

She shrieked with a bit of delight as she turned back around, hastily trying to undo the buckle to release her. While everyone was focused on the baby, Hotch could hardly look away from Reid, his concern growing with every passing minute. He could barely be in the same room with her right now, and it would just get worse as the days went by.

Garcia managed to pull the baby from her seat, cradling her in her arms carefully. The baby didn't fuss or squirm as she had with her father. Indeed, she seemed to take to her right away. "I'm your Aunt Penelope, yes I am." She cooed down to her. "And you are going to be the coolest little girl in town all because of me. Those toddler boys won't know what hit them when they see this little fox crawl into the sandbox."

The others laughed and joked with her, waiting for their turn to hold her. None of them had any idea what Hotch was contemplating... what he'd been contemplating for the past few days. He hated to do this, because it wasn't like he knew exactly what to do in the beginning... but it might be the only way.

"Reid, you know, we left the baby bags in the trunk." He took his keys out again, holding them out to the young man. "Why don't you run down and grab them, I have a feeling the girls are going to be fawning for a while."

"You've certainly got that right," Blake added as she took the bundle from Garcia. She couldn't help but sigh as the full weight of her little body settled in her embrace. "Oh, I always wanted a little girl of my own."

Reid was grateful for the reprieve, needing a few moments to himself. "Hey!" Morgan called before he could close the door. "That's not a getaway car, just so you know!"

The door closed and Garcia shot her boy a glare. "Would you stop teasing him, he's got enough of a burden to deal with." She turned back again to make another face at the baby. "Not that you're a bad burden, little one. No you're not. No you are not, you are so precious!"

"Guys," Hotch announced, stepping closer to his friends. "We need to discuss something and we don't have much time."

"What's up?" Rossi wondered, looking away from the baby as he gave her a brush on her bald head. "Is Reid okay?"

"He has never been so far from okay." Hotch replied. "But we can't blame him, not about something like this. He's never been so scared and I can't think of one father in the world who wasn't terrified when he brought his new baby home."

"Reid doesn't know how lucky he is." Rossi insisted. "Some people go their whole lives without something as wonderful as a child to show for it. I hope soon he realizes that."

"He will," Hotch assured. "But, I have a feeling there's a better chance of that happening with a little help."

"Well, we are here for him!" JJ declared. "Anything he needs, he will have his friends support."

"Yeah, he knows he's not in this alone." Blake added as she bounced the baby a little more. Rossi was waiting for his chance, but she wasn't ready to give her up quite yet.

Hotch shook his head, taking another step closer. "That's just it. No, he's not in this alone, but in order for him to see what he's truly capable of, we need to do the best thing for him... and that's absolutely nothing."

Morgan looked at his unit chief like he'd had a stroke. "You're joking, right?"

"I'm not saying we shouldn't be there for him. If Reid has a genuine problem, we should intervene... but we don't need to hold his hand. He can do this, we don't need to stick to his side through the whole ordeal. So much good can come from this if we step back and give him a chance. So, after today, we leave him alone."

"Hotch, I'm not comfortable with this." Cried JJ, who was nothing short of terrified. "Reid has never taken care of a baby. He never spent a night alone with Henry until he was two and a half! I really think he needs us right now."

Hotch shook his head. "I can't force you to follow through with this. This is not an order, and even if I could make it one, I wouldn't... I'm asking as a friend to help our other friend. We all know he can do this... so let's just let him!"

He was right. Other parents didn't have a group of people helping them through the first few weeks of parenthood, and plenty of mothers as well as fathers walked away without another soul in the world to lean on. They would be ready if the need became too great, but until then... they needed to step back and let him try.

"Reid does loathe it when we treat him like a baby." Garcia muttered. "I guess that is what we're doing... I mean, I don't think we'd be this concerned if it were one of us in the situation, right?"

"I suppose," Morgan shrugged as he walked to the other side of Blake. He, too, hadn't gotten a chance to hold her and was waiting eagerly. He gently grabbed her tiny foot through her blanket, shaking it delicately. "He's not a bad guy... he'll do just fine."

Hotch felt very relieved. "Good, it's settled then. He won't like it, at least at first... but it'll work out in the end."

They didn't have anymore time to talk as the door opened again. Reid stepped in with both the bags, depositing them beside the door. "That's everything... I swear, we didn't have that much when we left."

"Come on," JJ offered as she stepped over to him, picking up one of the bags for herself. "Let's get this unpacked so you're not searching for everything later."

Reid agreed, stepping out of the room with her, the other bag in hand. Blake at last surrendered the child over to Rossi's waiting grasp. His smile could rival no one. "Oh... Reid's going to fall in love with her... I can feel it."

There wasn't a soul in the room that didn't hope for that, while doubting it at the exact same time.

* * *

Reid had just finished unpacking, slipping the last of the baby clothes out of sight. An entire drawer had been cleaned out for her in his dresser. Part of him thought it was futile. She was only going to be here for three months anyway.

A cry came from the living room and Reid suddenly felt himself tense. It was a bone chilling sound that made his heart speed up and his throat become dry. He supposed he should get used to that sound, but right now it was just terrifying.

The crying grew closer and closer. Reid turned just as JJ walked into the bedroom, cradling the fussy baby as carefully as possible. "Hey," she said kindly. "I think she needs a diaper change, so I brought her in."

"Oh," he could only manage to utter.

She brought her over to the wooden changing table, laying the baby down gently. "I'll give you a hand, if you'd like."

Reid let out a relieved sigh, stepping closer. "Thank you. All of this is so... so overwhelming, I have no idea what I'm doing."

She patted his arm as he stood beside her, both gazing down at the baby, who was squirming uncomfortably, desperate to be cleaned. "Believe it or not, every parent has been right where you are now. You just need a little time and a little practice; things will get easier."

He hoped so. All he wanted was to get through this temporary custody as efficiently as possible. If he had to take care of her, he wanted to at least keep her healthy.

"So," he said with a deep breath. There was no more running, and the best thing to do now was to dive in. "She needs changed?"

"Yeah, it's not as hard as people make it out to be." JJ assured. "You can't over think it."

He gave a half smile and an understanding nod. The baby started to cry lightly again, and Reid stood back, wondering what JJ could possibly be waiting for.

"Okay," Reid indicated the baby before them. "Go ahead."

Stunned and lightly amused, JJ gaped at him. "You expect me to change her?"

"Well, yeah!" He exclaimed, trying to talk over the cries. The baby needed someone to help her, it wasn't fair to leave her like this. "I don't know what to do, I've never changed a diaper before, you've changed thousands. You should do it."

"Oh, no," she shook her head. Grabbing him by the arm, she dragged him closer. "No, no, this is your daughter, you are going to change her diaper. And then you are going to heat up her formula and feed her. She's your responsibility; now," He stood right in front of the table and she stood back with her arms folded, "take her diaper off."

His cheeks were a pale shade of green as he looked down at the baby, who looked utterly miserable. With her little pink face squished as she yelled in discomfort, her chubby arms and legs wavy slightly, desperate for attention.

He took a deep breath and hoped he wouldn't be sick as he unbuttoned the clasps of her onzie, white and covered in sheep. He pushed it up far enough to reveal her soft white tummy. Her umbilical cord stump was already gone, revealing a perfect hollow belly button.

He took another nervous breath, trying not to inhale the smell that had wafted up to his nose by now. He had just started to rip the tapped tabs as he looked back at his friend. "Wait... JJ, this is a girl. Should _I_ really be doing this?"

"Oh, for God's sake!" JJ cried, starting to get annoyed by this. She knew he was nervous and she knew he'd been talked into this, but this was getting ridiculous. She quickly grabbed the wipes as she ordered him "Take off her diaper now!"

"Okay!" He grumbled and let out a groan. Within a moment, he pulled open the diaper, trying not to heave as he looked away a moment.

"Oh," he moaned, trying not to breath through his nose. "How does something so small make so much of something so gross!"

JJ shook her head, remembering herself at the beginning stages of motherhood. Of gagging at baby poop and burning the formula and running on no sleep. It would be interesting to see what her friend would morph into in the weeks to come.

Once he'd gotten his bearings again, Reid turned back to the baby. "That is disgusting."

"Everybody does it." JJ noted as he at last removed the stinky parcel and tossed it into the pale by the table. It settled with a heavy thump at the bottom. The first of many. She handed him a wipe, watching as he started to clean her off. "Just remember, your mom did this once for you. You might be a genius, but you didn't come out potty trained."

She'd never seen his face contorted into so many expressions, letting out intermittent groans to cope with this. He felt like he just couldn't get her clean enough, using wipe after wipe until he was satisfied.

"Okay, the hard part's over." JJ assured, grabbing a clean diaper for him. "First you lay this under her bottom, and you smear this cream her on her skin to keep her from chaffing."

"I know." Reid muttered. "I did read about this during the weekend... they just leave out a lot of the important details, like how disgusting this is."

"That's one thing parents never tell you," she said as she observed his work. So far, so good. As good as a veteran parent, just at a slower pace. "Baby's are disgusting. They poop, the vomit, they spit, they spew. It gets all over them and all over you, all of which you've got to clean up. In a few days, your clothes are going to smell like diapers and your hair will smell like sour milk. There are lot of downsides to this, but... oh, Spence, you'll know how worth it is when you see the rewards."

"I don't know," Reid shook his head, continuing to rub the cream on her. He had no idea how much was enough. At least she wasn't crying any more, laying back as she allowed herself to be cleaned. "In theory, I can take care of a child. I can feed her and clean her and, well, changing her is going to be a real chore, but I can do that, too. But comforting her? Entertaining her? She's going to be miserable with me, and it's not fair she's with someone who doesn't love her."

That pained JJ so much to hear that. It felt like Will was in love with his child the minute he learned about him. Here was Reid, caring for his daughter like any father would... and he shared about as much affection for her as a house plant. Less than.

"Reid, despite what you think, this just might turn out okay." She assured, reaching to take the cream away from him. That was certainly enough. "You're really good with kids. I mean, Henry loves you... now fold it over her and tape up the sides."

He obeyed her command, struggling to get the paper to settle on her body. She was keeping rather still, yet the diaper kept shifting like it was being put on a slippery eel. "Henry's easy. All I have to do is give him presents, play soccer with him, and pull candy out of his ear. He loves me! This is a bit more complicated."

"He loves you because you've been there for him his whole life." She corrected. "You took care of him once for the whole night a few months ago. That wasn't that hard, was it?"

"Firstly, I didn't have to change Henry's diaper. All I did was walk him to the potty." He assured. He was nearly done, struggling to get the tabs attached to the sides. "Secondly, that was one night. I made him macaroni and cheese, I read him stories, I tucked him in... we had fun that night. This... can't be like that."

"Not entirely." JJ corrected. "It's going to be harder... but it's going to be even better."

Reid was getting frustrated with the entire situation, about to retaliate. In his grievance, he gripped the tab too harshly, ripping it from the soft padding and paper of the diaper, rendering it useless.

He stared at it in fury, unbelieving he'd just did that. It felt like a symbol of his incompetence was now held firmly in his hand.

"Here," JJ reached for another one. "It happens all the time, just start over."

Bitterly, he snatched it from her, looking down at the baby who was quiet, staring up at him with curious eyes. If she could comprehend her surroundings... he shuddered to imagine what she would think of this man who held her very life in his hands.

* * *

It was getting late. The others, one by one, had decided to call it a night, giving Reid their best wishes and assurances that everything would be fine. It was getting late and all that was left was JJ and Morgan, starting to rethink the whole plan.

"I don't feel good about this." Morgan whispered as Reid stepped out of the room for a moment. JJ was holding Madeline, rocking the sleeping baby in her arms protectively. "I mean, it's his first night, we should at least help him through that."

She'd be lying if JJ said she didn't feel the same way. She wanted to stay here, doing everything she could until he was ready to try it on his own. A few hours ago, she might have defied Hotch's wishes, but after he changed her first diaper, she knew that wouldn't be the case. He would get too comfortable letting them do his work and he'd never learn to care for his own child. As a mother bird does for her chick, they had to push him out on his own... and see if he would fly.

"No," JJ shook her head. "We have to go."

Morgan was stunned, believing at least she would be on his side. "Jay-"

"I know him!" She hissed with dangerous eyes. "Morgan, I know there are men in this world who are not good fathers. Men that shouldn't even be allowed to breed... but Spence?" Staring down at the baby, she gave a sad smile, feeling like she might cry. "Spence is not one of them. I have seen him with my son, and I see the instincts he has. That's something that can't be taught. He doesn't know it yet, but Spencer Reid is meant to be a father... the problem is, he doesn't believe it. He is a rational man who needs to discover things in order to accept them. So he needs to learn this by himself."

"But is this a good idea?" Morgan wanted to know. "Just throwing him to the wolves like this, it seems cruel."

JJ looked up. "It is cruel... and I think we need to be a little cruel right now."

It was the cold truth, right out on the table, and there was no denying it. As their eyes met, they came to an understanding. This was what they had to do... and hopefully, it would all turn out right in the end.

"Okay," Reid said as he returned from the bathroom. "Well, what should we do now? Put her in the crib or... does she need rocked some more?"

JJ locked with Morgan's gaze a second longer before she answered, "That's... up to you, Spence. She is your daughter, you get to call the shots."

"Okay," he nodded, unsure how to answer this. For the last few hours, he'd been taking direction. He preferred that until a routine was formed. "Well, if you want to keep holding her, that's fine."

"Actually," JJ felt her stomach clench as she started to say this, but now that she was talking, she couldn't stop. The decision had been made. "I need to be getting home. If I hurry, I might be able to catch Henry before Will puts him to bed."

Reid's face fell at that, disappointed as well as surprised. "Oh... okay, well... have a good night, give Henry a hug for me."

"I will," she smiled with a nod.

"Yeah, I need to be going, too, Reid." Morgan said, heading to grab both his and JJ's coats, preparing to make their exit. "The rest of us have work tomorrow, we need to get some rest."

Now, Reid wasn't just surprised. He was flabbergasted, not to mention horrified. "You both are just... going to leave me here alone? I can't do this alone."

JJ couldn't stand here and argue with him, because he'd never give in. They had to make him. She bounced Madeline a moment longer before forcing her into her father's arms. He had no choice but to take her. "Yes, you can." she corrected. "You've read the books, we walked you through the basics, you can handle this."

As he took her, he instantly became tense again. His arms stiff and rigid as they claimed the baby, constantly reminding himself to support her delicate head. She was instantly uncomfortable, much like she'd been laid on a wooden board. He was scared and confused and never felt more afraid in his life. He could barely hold her, and they were just going to leave her with him? That should be considered child endangerment.

"No, you guys can't leave!" Reid exclaimed, watching desperately as they pulled on their coats. "Please... I need you guys! I cannot do this!"

"Spence," JJ exclaimed, speaking sternly as any mother would. "You'll be alright. If she needs something, just think it through. She'll need another bottle in a few hours, remember to burp her half way through and when she's done. You'll be able to tell if she's uncomfortable. You have plenty of diapers, and don't be afraid to be generous on the cream. Make sure she's on her back when she's in the crib, no loose covers or clothing, and rock her to sleep. You'll both be okay."

"Yeah, Reid," Morgan said with a confident smile no one could tell was forced. "I know this is new and frightening, but you're going to be just fine. Hang in there."

Hang in there. He was left with a helpless infant with the advice to hang in there. Well, that was fine, if his friends weren't going to stay, he would have to do it on his own.

"Alright," he muttered bitterly, turning his back to his friends who were certainly turning their back on him. "I can do this... we will be okay."

Taking a deep breath, he started to walk with her through his living room. He tried bouncing her, but all it did was make her fuss more, so he kept still. Having a better idea, he stepped over to his couch, bending down carefully in order to lay her onto one of the cushions. JJ and Morgan watched a moment longer before opening the door.

As her back hit the cushion, the baby began to cry, obviously uncomfortable on this new surface. Reid, already beginning to panic, jumped up and called out to his friends in desperation.

"Wait!" He cried, needing them to come back. "What's wrong? What's the matter with her?"

The two looked back one more time, meeting his worried eyes. While Morgan was silent, JJ gave a smile. "Goodnight, Spence. I'll call you in the morning."

His jaw fell as she followed Morgan out, closing the door behind her. Reid was alone now, the only soul there to attend to the baby, who was screaming out of control for no apparent reason. He looked to her in fear, having no idea what she wanted or how to help her. The morning was a long time away.


	9. True Colors

Warm water sloshed over Reid's hand as he tried to pour it into the bottle. He was so tired, it was hard to keep his hands steady. Too bad he didn't think to buy a funnel.

He grabbed the can of formula, taking a glance at the baby in her bouncing chair, rocking gently on the table. "I don't know why I bother giving this to you." He muttered in an immature manner. "It just goes right through you."

Her eyes were focused on him, as if she could understand every word. This past week had felt like a nightmare, the memories becoming more and more fuzzy as the sleepless nights and exhausted days went by. The first two days had been filled with nothing but the most shrill crying ever heard while he struggled to get the baby on a regular schedule. That didn't seem to be working, although Reid was following everything he'd read exactly. By Wednesday, he forgot about the books and just waited for the baby to tell him when she needed things. It didn't make things much easier, though. Just different. They'd have moments of tense quiet and then hysterical cries without warning. Unless she was hungry or wet, he had no idea what she wanted. What else was there in her simple little life?

The baby was starting to get fussy, whimpering as she thrashed her little hands a bit. She was on the verge of crying again. Reid spun the rubber nipple onto the bottle and shook it up profusely as he hurried over to her, pulling one of the chairs under him

"Alright," he urged as he held the bottle close to her. He eased the topper into her mouth. As usual, she refused to take it at first, trying to push it away with the little strength her body had. He let out a resentful sigh, hanging his head a moment as he tried to keep his temper.

"Come on," Reid whined as he tugged himself closer. "I know you're hungry, you just... need to take the bottle, come on. Just take it."

He made another attempt, but she again tried to pull away. Feeding her was such a chore, almost as bad as changing her... or putting her down to sleep. Or putting on clean clothes, which happened more often than anything. It seemed every time she moved, something disgusting spilled out of her. Madeline was a very finicky baby, and no matter how much Reid read and studied, he could not figure out how to please her.

It was just proof he shouldn't be doing this in the first place. And he had eleven weeks to go.

He checked the temperature on his wrist a second time just to be sure and then tried again. "Please, Madeline," he begged, distressful. "Just... take the bottle. Take the bottle."

The sound of his doorbell rang; a surprise this early in the morning. He couldn't get up to answer it, though. "It's open!" he called as loud as he could, hoping his visitor could hear.

Thankfully, she did. He listened as the newcomer entered and called out to him from the living room. "Spence?"

"In here," he called, unable to hide the desperation in his voice. He'd been calling his friends all week when he had a problem. JJ more than anyone. They were very willing to listen to his problems and offer advice, but it felt like he was on the other side of the planet. They wouldn't come over, they wouldn't even offer. At last, hearing her voice in person made him feel like a shipwreck survivor finally returning to civilization.

She was a vision as she appeared through the swinging door. She stopped in her tracks, taken by the full sight of him. "Oo," she muttered, holding back a laugh. "Yeah... I remember those days."

Reid looked nothing like himself. His hair was messier than ever before, greasy from so long without a shower. It coincided perfectly with the layer of thick dark brown stubble covering his face. His clothes seemed a complete 180 from his usual outfit. A pair of black ratty sweatpants and a t-shirt; mostly white with a few messy smears on it, which, if she had to make an educated guess, were whatever bodily fluids the baby could expel.

"I'm glad you're amused." He grumbled. "What are you doing here? I thought you told me I was on my own."

"It's been some time, I thought I'd stop by to lend a hand." JJ said, setting her purse down on the counter, which was littered with empty bottles and spilled formula, both powdered and liquid.

Had it really only been a week? Reid was so sleep deprived, he felt like he'd aged ten years. His body ached from exhaustion, only getting approximately two hours of sleep a day, and never more than 20 minutes at a time."

She walked over and Reid felt a pang of jealousy at the clean clothes and sweet smell of her shampoo. What he wouldn't give for a hot shower. Claiming one of the other three chairs, she casually sat down. "It is nice to see someone else suffer through what I went through. It's kind of entertaining."

"Did you come here just to mock me?" He grumbled, giving her a glare. "You could have saved yourself a trip and just sent Morgan."

She tilted her head with a condescending expression. "Do you want my help or not?"

He'd been begging for help all week; what suddenly changed? Still, he wouldn't deny some assistance if it meant a little of the burden was taken off him. "Yes, please," he mumbled.

Watching him a moment, she asked, concerned, "Why... Spence, why are you her feeding her like that?"

"What?" He asked, unsure what was wrong. "I'm doing just as the book says."

"Why can't you hold her?" She wondered. Never in her life had she seen someone try to feed a newborn like that. That was more suitable for a 12 month old, but not so young.

With a voice slightly muddled, Reid lowered his head a bit, sighing lightly. "Because she doesn't like me."

He cringed as JJ laughed a bit. "Oh, come on!"

"It's true!" Reid sorely cried, looking over. "I've tried several times to hold her and she just cries and squirms, she gets upset and then I can't quiet her for hours, it's better this way. Trust me."

"But you can't feed her like that." JJ indicated.

"I could if she would just... take the bottle!" He urged. This part always took forever. Sometimes nearly an hour, and often he'd have to reheat the formula, come back and try again. It got so tedious it made him want to scream.

"Spence, she won't take the bottle because she's not comfortable!" She stood, shoving his hand out of the way to undo the buckle. "There's no reason why she can't be held while she eats."

He set the bottle on the table, backing away a bit. "If you want to feed her, be my guest."

"No, _you_ are going to feed her." She said sternly. With her expert hand, JJ lifted the infant from her seat and brought her over to her hesitant father.

"Incline her elbow and support her head." JJ insisted, helping him adjust his arms. His stress was obvious, radiating from him like a heat source. "Spence, you need to relax. She can sense your tension and it frightens her. She needs to feel safe."

"Then entrusting her to me was a smart move." He snapped as her full weight fell into his embrace. He tried to take her advice and remain calm, but it wasn't working. One wrong move, he could drop this fragile being. She was so delicate, she might just shatter like a porcelain doll.

JJ chose not to respond to that. Madeline whimpered, but she appeared to be taking to him a bit better this time. Maybe she was giving him a chance.

She handed Reid the bottle, who offered it to the baby again. He sighed with relief when at last, she took it, sucking on it eagerly. "I knew she was hungry."

Sitting back, JJ observed them for a moment. The father and daughter during quality time. In truth, they really did look good together. This was going to take some time, but it would be worth it in the end. The problem was getting him to see that.

"I'm sorry you've had such a hard week." JJ told him as she watched. Madeline was closing her eyes contently, completely focused on her breakfast. "But it seems like you made it through."

"Not that you would know anything about that." He said bitterly as he glanced up at her.

She gave him a stunned expression. "_I _don't know what you went through? I was a first time parent myself once."

"Yeah, but that's... different." He muttered, avoiding her eyes.

She was curious, asking as she folded her arms. "How exactly?"

"Well... you're..." He glanced at her, giving a shrug, "you know..."

Finishing his thought, she cried out, amazed at his thinking. "I'm a woman?"

He gave a nod. "Not to sound old fashioned, but yes. You are a woman."

"Spence, that doesn't necessarily mean I know how to take care of babies." She shook her head. "I read for months about baby care, but I felt just as clueless as you when I brought Henry home."

He didn't believe her. "It didn't seem like it. I stopped by to see you every week, you... handled him like a pro. There was no place he wanted to be than in your arms."

She said with a heavy sigh. "That's true, we managed to connect very quickly, but do you know why that is? We spent nine months together. He knew my voice, my heartbeat, I was the first thing he smelled when he was born. He knew I was the most important person in his life. So, yes, I did have a bit of an advantage... but not by much. I still had to get used to sleep deprivation and constant crying and..." she brushed the baby's little hand, smiling wide as her teeny fingers wrapped around one of JJ's, "holding him naturally... but it did get easier. You just have to give yourselves time to bond."

He grumbled lightly, like he had a stomach ache or something. "How much time is that supposed to take?"

She faltered a bit, not having the right answer to that. "There's no telling how much time it'll take... and it's true, it might not happen at all. But one week is not enough time to tell, especially when you're not even trying."

"I am trying!" He assured her. "I take care of her, I never let one of her cries go unanswered, even when all I want is to go into my bedroom and smother my ears with a pillow. I give her everything she wants... or at least, I think she wants. I don't know why she's so upset all the time."

"Try to see it from her limited point of view." JJ explained. "She knew her mother, as well as Henry knew me when he was born, and then suddenly she was gone. Not only did her mother disappear, she was ripped away from her surroundings, brought to a strange place with strange people and then she was handed off to a strange man. One who doesn't want to have much to do with her, either."

"Don't, JJ!" He cried, meeting her with dangerous eyes.

"Excuse me?" She asked, refusing to be intimidated.

"Do not try to keep playing these psychological games with me. You are not capable of that!" He was so confident in that statement, knowing JJ could hardly outsmart him. Although in a case like this, she had a definite chance.

She sat back a bit, surveying him. JJ loved her friend dearly, but he was making her so angry. He was acting like a child, as if they were forcing him to take a stranger's baby, one he had no connection to. Reid was a father, he would forever hold a responsibility to this girl, yet he wouldn't accept that. This was not a man she wished to know.

He glanced at the baby, wanting to check if she were still doing alright. She kept sucking away at the bottle, not caring about anything around her, or even who was holding her. He was surprised he'd lasted this long without her getting upset. "Look, I'm not a fool, as you all know. I know what you guys are doing... you think if I'm forced to be alone with her, to have the responsibility left on me... something will happen. We'll connect like a father and daughter should. It's a good theory, but it won't work with me, JJ. In fact, I think it's dangerous all of you leaving an innocent child in incompetent care... and I really think it would be best if I just take her back."

Her jaw dropped slightly at that. JJ was hoping she'd heard him wrong. "Take her back where?"

"The children's home had the option that I could return her. She'd be safe there until they found her a home. It's just like Blake said, there are so many people in this country who want to have a baby. She should be with one of them."

"No!" JJ exclaimed. "She should be with you! A child should be with her father!"

"Not if that father is me!" He exclaimed. "Maybe... maybe I do care about her a little bit. I care enough to not want to hurt her... and if she stays with me, she will be."

She should have been expecting that. "Because your father hurt you."

"That's the only lesson I've ever learned about being a father." He pointed out. "You can't understand how painful it is to watch your father walk out on you, to give up on you, to basically say you're not good enough... I'm giving her up before she can experience that. It's better this way."

"No, it's not!" JJ wanted to yell, but didn't want to disturb the baby. She finished the last of the bottle, letting it fall out of her mouth. Immediately, she began to squirm uncomfortably, no doubt her belly felt too full.

It looked like instinct as Reid set the bottle aside, his hand landing on her tummy to rub it gently. The whole time, his furious eyes never left his friend's.

JJ calmed a bit as she continued, trying to speak rationally. "I don't think you should give up yet. Spence, I can't imagine what you went through, and I feel for you, I do. I don't, however, feel it's a good enough reason to give your own child up so easily. Your father abandoned you, and that's terrible... but walking away from your baby without a thought, without even trying to have a life with her... that's abandonment, too. Walking away now doesn't protect either of you and it doesn't make you better than your father... it makes you the same."

Comparing Spencer Reid to his father was possibly the worst insult he could receive. Reid saw red and felt an anger boiling in his veins. There had only been one time he'd been this enraged with her; when Emily had come back from the dead and even then, it felt like a picnic to how he felt now.

Subconsciously, he snatched a cotton cloth from the table and wiped the mess that had just spilled from the baby's mouth. She seemed much more relaxed now that she had burped. For a moment, Reid seemed to forget he was holding her, allowing his body to relax. Madeline wasn't fussy or irritated or frightened. She was calm, and her little eyes were starting to close now that she was happy and full.

JJ didn't notice either, too concerted by her friend's idea than to notice the baby, although that was who she was supposed to be looking out for.

"I am nothing like my father." He expressed with malice in his voice. "You're supposed to be my friend, JJ. You're supposed to support me... tell me that I'm doing the right thing."

She let out a scoff, "I'm not going to help you feel better about this. Spence, you've always been so brave and caring, you're one of the greatest people I know... how can you just walk away from her like she means nothing? You're own flesh and blood."

Looking down at her, he suddenly realized she was still in his arms and became nervous again. Madeline had almost been asleep when his sudden tension disturbed her, and she started to wiggle uncomfortably. Reid lifted her, handling her with caution and worry as he brought her back to her chair, letting her get comfortable there. It was a safer place for her, he was sure.

"I shouldn't have been forced into this in the first place." Reid uttered, fastening her back in. Once she was safe, Reid stood and walked away, giving neither girl a second glance. "We all know how this is going to end, JJ. This baby is better off without me, I'm better off the way things were, and all of you are better off not worrying about me. You certainly haven't bothered to care over the last five days. It's just like when Emily came back all over again."

He dropped the bottle into the sink, deciding he'd clean and sterilize it with the others in a little bit. Madeline was in the process of dozing off, but neither cared as their discussion was turning into a heated argument.

"What is that supposed to mean?" She growled as she got to her feet.

Reid turned around, glaring at her. "Only that you give this impression that you actually care about me... and then when the truth comes out, I see your true colors. You only care about me to the point that it benefits you, after that... I'm just that pathetic kid who asked you to a football game, aren't I?"

Her jaw hung at that. "Spencer Reid... you are my best friend, how could you believe I don't care about you?"

"If you do, why can't you just support me!" He cried. "I'm sorry I can't live up to the vision you have of me, but what in the world made you think I was at all capable of this? I've never wanted to be a father. I've even tried considering it and I just don't have the instincts for it as Hotch and Will do. And it has nothing to do with my father, I'm better than him because I know this is something I'm not capable of. I don't want a child and the sooner everyone accepts that, the better. Can you please accept that?"

She'd had enough. It was too exhausting and devastating to argue about this, at last realizing she was fighting a losing battle. "Fine... if you want to make this decision, you do it alone." She picked up her coat and made to leave.

He watched her walk across the kitchen before calling out. "At times like this, you really find out who you're friends are, huh? You learn just how alone you are in the world."

With hatred in her eyes, JJ turned to him. "Funny... I thought you wanted to be alone."

At that, she pushed her way out the door, letting it swing ferociously behind her. A moment later, he heard the slam of his door. She had to have known what that would do, because it rattled the baby in her sleep. Madeline instantly opened her mouth and let out a scream. Reid hung his head and let out a sigh as the noise surrounded him, rearing to go through yet another day of agony.

* * *

Silence had never sounded so sweet. For once, there was a decrepit hush about the apartment, able to be broken at any second. Madeline's eyes were closed, eased asleep by the gentle whoosh of her swing, moving back and forth. Reid was sunk in his couch, doing nothing but repeatedly pushing the swing to keep it in motion, not wanting her to wake.

After an entire week, he finally had some peace. Right now he was numb, allowing his fatigued mind to shut down as much as possible. One part was still active, however, thinking over his fight with JJ this morning. He was twisted over it, wanting to apologize but still stinging from her hurtful words.

She had no right to say those things. Reid was better than his father. His father had chosen to have a child and realized too late he was in too deep, hurting those he was supposed to love and protect. Reid had been fighting this since the beginning and the fact he was failing at it just proved his theories all along. Why couldn't anyone see that but him?

He should feel something by now, he was sure of it. Something positive besides the constant exhaustion and the growing dread when he knew she'd need something soon. The frustration when feeding her or changing her was a struggle. It wasn't fair, it shouldn't be this demanding. Maybe it was childish, or he just wasn't thinking clearly, but he couldn't help but hold a resentment towards Madeline about all this. Like she was making it difficult on purpose. That was silly, she was a baby. Just because she didn't like her father didn't mean she had the cognitive ability to make life hard for both of them. It did, however, feel like he was told to swim upstream with boulders on his back. It felt like an impossible journey. A riddle even he couldn't answer. Except there was an answer... a simple one that didn't feel so simple at all.

This morning the thought had occurred to him and now, watching the little baby who, for the first time all day, was finally sleeping longer than ten minutes, he was considering it more and more. The Jefferson House wasn't far away. They never turned any baby away and had explained explicitly, if Reid had to bring her back, they would take her. She would be safe there and soon, he was sure, a real family would want her. She'd be better with a real family. With a mother and a father... a father who wanted her... and loved her.

He looked over her little wrinkled face, the pacifier gently bobbing in her mouth as she suckled on it in her slumber. She was cute, and were she a stranger he wouldn't think twice of admiring her, maybe even adoring her a little. Making faces to amuse her, where she awake. It was different now. She was his and therefore... was supposed to love her. His eyes darted away from her like she were something grotesque. A PhD in psychology yet he still couldn't figure this out.

On the threshold of making his final decision a knock sounded on the door, disturbing his thoughts. Letting out a low groan, Reid checked behind him at the door, wondering who could be on the other side. Perhaps JJ, coming back to apologize, or maybe even round two. He was too tired for company and anyway, he wanted to keep the apartment quiet. Whoever it was, he'd tell them to leave. They hadn't wanted to help him before, they shouldn't be here now.

He feared Madeline would wake when he stopped rocking her, but she didn't move. Her sleep continued and Reid let out a sigh of a relief. Standing up, he hurried to the door, checking the peep hole first. Surprised, he pulled it open, not entirely sure he should send him away so soon.

"Hey," Reid said softly as he opened the door. "What are you doing here?"

"I saw the light on." Rossi said kindly. His hands were stuffed in his pockets and he looked much too nice just to come over to a friend's. Either this was a stop over to a more important function or he'd just come from one.

He indicated the open doorway that the young genius was blocking. "May I come in?"

Anyone else, he would have bitterly said no. He would have told them off for abandoning him all week, not sure if their friendship could be completely salvaged after what they'd done to him. But Rossi was different. He'd never come to Reid's for a casual visit, which made him want to hear him out now.

Nodding, he stepped aside, allowing the older man in. "You look a little overdressed, are you heading somewhere?"

He turned to him with a slight guffaw. "I had a busy day helping an old friend. I thought I'd stop by on my way home, see how you're doing." Looking around the messy room, covered in blankets and towels and dirty clothes, not to mention the Picasso of stains covering Reid's clothes. The poor boy was in need of a long nap and a good shower. He was surviving, and in the beginning, that was the most important.

"If JJ sent you by, you needn't bother." Reid assured bitterly, closing and securing the door. "I'm fine and the baby's fine... she's still here, at least for now."

Rossi shook his head. "Relax, Reid, I'm here on my own. I'd ask how the first week went, but by the looks of things..." He glanced at the baby, the only thing in the room that didn't look like a disaster. She was clean and healthy and resting without a peep. That was plenty of an accomplishment, "you seem to have survived."

Dripping with sarcasm, he smiled, "Well, I guess congratulations are in order."

With a sympathetic bow of his head, Rossi replied, "I realize you're stressed, but that's expected. The first week is always the hardest, it'll get easier."

"Easier?" He said, his voice involuntarily getting louder. "It didn't have to be this hard in the first place, but all of you made sure of that. None of you bothered to stick around and help me and now you have the nerve to come to my home - one by one - and... mock me."

"Reid, I am not mocking you." He rectified. "Just calm down, I know you're upset-"

He couldn't help but yell now, his anger that had simmered for nearly seven days was spilling forth. A hot spring that erupted into a volcano.

"I am so sick of being told to calm down! What exactly am I supposed to be so calm for?" He cried.

The answer to that came forth at once. The cries from her father disturbed the sleeping beauty. With a rumble, her afflicted shrieks filled the room as Madeline awoke, her pacifier falling to her side. She was unsure what had just awoken her, but she was not happy about it.

Letting out a huff, he glared at Rossi. "You woke her up! Thank you!"

He rushed over to her aid, unbuckling her from the swing. "Come on, it's okay." Reid urged, pushing the swing again, hoping the movement would quiet her. He would have tried his keys as Hotch had showed him, but he didn't seem to do that right, either. Jagged metal waved in her face just upset her more. "Please, go back to sleep, Madeline. Please?"

"Would it be alright if I hold her?" Rossi suggested, stepping forward. Sure, she'd been passed from person to person on Sunday and he'd gotten his fair share, but there was something about babies that Rossi just loved. More so as time went by and more years were behind him than ahead.

Reid gave him a glare, blaming him entirely for startling her, but he nodded. He unbuckled the clasp and stepped aside. Rossi came over and reached in, easily lifting her from her seat and guided her into his arms.

He hated seeing Rossi hold her more than Hotch. It made sense Hotch took to her so well, he'd had practice. David Rossi didn't have the same experience; what made him such a pro? It was just another clue that said some people were meant for this... and others weren't.

"Yeah," Rossi said as he rocked her. She's incredibly fussy at first, but he didn't give up right away. He made silly faces at her, a trait most people couldn't help when in the presence of a little one. "Aren't you a cute one. Yes, you are. Yes, you are."

In a moment, she started to calm down and gave another yawn. She eyed Rossi curiously as her eyes began to drop again, comfortable in his embrace. Her cries eased into coos and before long, silence reigns once more. All is right with the world.

With a heavy sigh, Reid shook his head. Collapsing on the couch, he exclaimed in as audible a whisper as he could, "I don't get it! Why is it she likes everyone but me? I mean, I've held babies before... why can't I comfort her like that?"

"Probably because a fussy baby can't be tended to by a fussy daddy." Rossi smirked as he sat down. He could have put the baby back in the chair, but he found no bother in letting her sleep right here for the time being. He wasn't going anywhere, and something about an infant seemed to rejuvenate them. After the day he had, a little youth was just what he needed.

His teeth gritted, he answered, "I don't find that amusing."

"Oh, Reid, would you lighten up!" He said sternly, trying not to get too tense. The littlest shift in emotion could wake Madeline once again and continuously being roused out of sleep was not good for one so small. "Ever since you learned you might be a father, you've been walking around like the world's so unfair to you. You want things to be better, stop pouting and try to figure out how!"

Sitting up, he exclaimed, while softly, "You all act like this should be so easy for me! Why can't you all just accept that I can't do this! I shouldn't have tried in the first place... in fact..." he paused a moment. "I'm done."

He pulled his gaze away from the baby and stared in amazement. "What do you mean you're done?"

A weight seemed to come off his shoulders as he finally made the decision. Like he, too, had at last accepted this was a lost cause and was finally ready to move on.

"I tried telling JJ this, but she wouldn't listen. I hope you won't be so closed minded, but tomorrow morning... I'm going to take her back to the children's home." He answered determinedly.

He knew any one of his friends would argue, and Reid was ready to go on the defensive. He should have known Rossi would be different. He was wiser and knew better the workings of the world than anyone else he knew. Except maybe his mother, but it made more sense listening to a sane, unmedicated mind.

What he was about to learn, however, Reid could never have predicted. And nothing could have either affected him nor ashamed him more.

Quietly, he looked back to the darling face of the little baby. "I urge you to reconsider, Reid."

With certainty, he answered with much more assurance than he'd felt in weeks. "I have reconsidered it. Believe me, I did think this through-"

"Do you have any idea what you could be throwing away?" Rossi asked as he looked to Reid again. It was like another man had taken his place. In his usually easy going eyes that could turn to fire and passion in an instant, there was a quiet desperation. A pleading man was ready to pounce forth from him if he didn't at least listen. "You might be giving up the best thing that ever happened to you, and you won't get this chance again, I assure you. Not with Madeline... not with anyone."

Still, despite the sudden neediness, Reid stood his ground. "Don't misunderstand, Rossi, I appreciate the faith all of you have in me... but you have to realize it's just not a good fit. JJ said I'm not a man who gives up, but that's only because I don't quit when I still believe I can win... and I know I can't. Not every man should be a father and I'm one of them. I accept that, it's time everyone did."

Rossi shook his head. "You can't know that after one week. It might be true, but you need to give it a real try for a longer amount of time before you can be sure. This is a big decision." He paused, needing to take a hard swallow. "It can't be made lightly."

Hotch's urgency was understandable as was JJ's, but Rossi had no right to sit here and preach his beliefs. He had no idea what the young man was going through.

"What makes you think I have made it lightly?" He asked in a bitter tone. Why couldn't just one of them be on his side?

"For a minute, could you please stop arguing with me and just listen?" Rossi questioned. "You don't realize just how lucky you really are. Do you know how many men would want to have what you have now? Even if they came about it in the way you did. They would be ecstatic to have a child of their own."

"I'm sure there are, but I can't relate to any of them!" Reid answered. "I don't even know any of them."

It pained his heart to speak of this. Rossi was ready to take this to his grave, right beside the very ones that shared this secret. But Reid needed to hear this, to help him understand... to help him see some of his pain of love and loss was shared with another.

"Sure you do," He answered. The only safe place to look was down at the baby. Madeline would neither judge him nor pity him and that made him feel safe."One of those men is in this room."

Reid wasn't exactly stunned. After all, Rossi was a caring man, perhaps he had wanted a child. But years of time consuming work and failed marriages prevented that from being so. Maybe he was a little jealous Reid had gotten a child without even trying and felt the young man was tossing the opportunity aside so carelessly.

"I never knew you wanted to be a father." He said with as much sympathy as he could muster.

"Oh," he replied, still unable to look at him. His throat was already feeling tight. "I am a father."

Now that was news. He knew so much about the lives of his friends. He knew their basic histories and he shared memories with them and they also shared so much about themselves with him. They felt they could trust Reid, a man who would never betray their secrets to anyone. Or at least believed he had no one to betray them to.

"I never knew that." Reid answered, and the catch in his throat had been unexpected. Perhaps he wasn't as numb as he thought, feeling more empathy and emotion right now than he knew.

"No one does." He answered, and at last pulled his eyes from the sleeping baby to meet the hazel gaze of the young man. "I've never wanted anyone to know about this... so I trust that after tonight, it will never be repeated again."

With a shake of his head, Reid answered. Nodding again, Rossi turned away. Madeline's little hand had rested on her stomach and the old man couldn't resist reaching over with the tips of his fingers. They were dry and calloused from many years clasping the cold metal of a gun. Feeling the soft, perfect flesh of the tiny baby's hand was rejuvenating. He smiled as while she slept, her hand lifted at his touch, reaching out for him. He couldn't help but smile as her entire fist fit around his finger, clasping onto him. She had quite a strong grip. After all she'd been through, this little girl was clearly a fighter.

"My son's name was James," he stated. "And he lived for approximately ten minutes."

That was difficult to hear. Knowing his friend went through something so horrible. Reid hated when his friends were in so much pain and he could do nothing to help.

"I'm sorry," he offered, his voice soft and troubled. At a time like this, rarely did a person know what to say, especially if they never suffered through such a tragedy before.

"It was a very complicated delivery... or so I was told. My wife... my first wife, Carolyn, had a C-Section and... even today, an emergency surgery like that, they don't typically let the father in. Back in the mid seventies it was unheard of." He thought for a moment, as he often did when he imagined how life might have been. "Prenatal and maternity medicine were light years behind what it is today, it's amazing what they can do now. Babies who are smaller and weaker and sicker... born at 6 months, born without developed lungs or immune systems... and they grow up to be as normal as you and me... well," he chuckled, glancing at the young man. "Me, at least."

He smiled and gave a wink to the younger man and Reid couldn't help but smile, giving a light laugh. Suddenly, the air felt a little lighter, despite the solemn tale. Turning back to the baby, Rossi found the strength to go on.

"It was so unexpected. The complications came out of nowhere... Carolyn had had a very healthy pregnancy. Everything in our lives seemed pretty good. I was still in the Marines, I had met Carolyn right after I came back from Vietnam and it wasn't too long before we got married. We were right at the start of what promised to be a wonderful life together. We had wanted to be surprised, so we didn't know what we were having... oh, but I just wanted a son so much. Every time I put my hand on her belly and felt him kick, I longed to hold my baby boy... but I never did."

He trailed off into silence, as if second guessing his choice to tell this story. Reid needed him to continue. He wasn't sure why, he just did. He needed to hear this.

"What happened?" He asked.

"The day came when Carolyn knew something was wrong." He closed his eyes, bracing himself for the impact of what this memory always brought. When his whole world shattered apart, leaving his world a broken mess that had taken him years to glue back together. "It was late one night in April. A heavy spring ran was pouring outside. Normally, we'd be going to bed, but Carolyn was suddenly panicked. She hadn't felt the baby move in several hours... we had to go to the emergency room. I rushed her there and... what felt like hours later, the doctor examined her and said she needed an immediate Cesarean. We were parted very quickly, but I had enough time to tell her..." he drifted off again, practically forcing himself to continue,"...to tell her... that everything would be fine. I loved her and I loved our baby and everything would be alright. This would be a very interesting story to tell our child someday. We kissed and I left... never knowing the next time I saw her, we would be completely different people."

He choked a bit, coughing to clear his sticky throat. Sensing his discomfort, Reid asked, "Would you like some water?"

"No," Rossi answered. The sooner he finished this, the better, and he'd be able to push it deep down again. "I never really knew what happened in that room. I sat down the hall, just praying... and I've never been a man who turned to God a lot, even back then. I'm a believer, Reid, but I don't turn to Him for every little thing. I begged Him to save them both... to make sure they would be okay. I just kept waiting for a baby cry. When I heard that, I'd know everything was alright... but it never came."

He swallowed again, and his breathing was heavy, like he were fighting back tears. Perfectly understandable. "What had happened was the baby had tangled himself in his umbilical cord and... they just couldn't get him out in time. He managed to breathe, but his brain had been without oxygen for too long. While the doctor sewed Carolyn up, there was just enough time for the nurses to hand the weak baby to his mother... he died in her arms a few minutes later." Stopping again, Reid pretended he didn't see the tear leak out from under his eyelid as he finished. "Sometimes late at night, I hear that cry again... Carolyn's sorrowful sobbing from down the hall. It breaks my heart all over again."

Reid had to admit, he was taken by this story, suddenly feeling like crying himself. No one deserved to go through that. It was incomprehensible, but suddenly Reid felt the urge to reach over and take Madeline away from Rossi. Why, he wasn't sure... but he felt the need to protect her. That was unusual, he'd never felt that way before.

"We named him James David Rossi and buried him a few days later. Every time I see the parent of a victim, I can't help but feel for them. No one should out live their child, and they certainly shouldn't bury them within days of their birth." He at last opened his eyes and found himself back in Reid's messy apartment again. Back home, where the pain was behind him, but felt as real as it had nearly thirty years ago. "It ended our marriage. Carolyn and I loved each other so much, she was the true love of my life... but going through the death of a child - even if that child only lived ten minutes - is often too painful for a couple to bear. We couldn't even look at each other without feeling that pain and we knew we'd never survive as people if we didn't free ourselves from each other. We promised we would always be there when one needed the other, and we were. And... as the years went by, it got easier. It wasn't painful to look at her... she was becoming that woman I loved again, my best friend, my favorite person... at one time, I felt we could rekindle our love and start over, but I lost her much too soon. Now, they're both gone and I'm alone. Not a day goes by I don't think of our son... who he would have been, what we would have shared together... who he could have become in this world."

"You never tried again?" Reid wondered. "Never tried to have another baby with your other wives?"

"I wanted to," he answered, looking over, "but I wouldn't risk it. Carolyn had a perfect pregnancy all the way to that last day... there was no way to explain how James got tangled in his cord. I was too afraid to take that risk again, to suffer through that pain. My second wife knew what had happened and she tried to comfort me, to assure me lightening doesn't strike twice."

"That's inaccurate," Reid replied. "Lightening striking in the average place is about 1 in 600,000 so, while it is improbable, it can happen. In fact, the Empire State Building has been reported to be struck approximately 100 times each year."

"It's an expression." Rossi explained. "Despite what the odds were, I just couldn't take the chance... I couldn't lose another one. That ended my second marriage... and then my third..." He smiled at the baby again, "well, that was a horror story that I'd rather not discuss in front of the baby."

Reid smiled at that, envious of how her hand was still wrapped tightly on Rossi's finger. She seemed to feel safe with him... she never felt that way with Reid.

Then again, it suddenly occurred to Reid that he hadn't been doing much to make her feel safe. After all, if he suddenly found himself absolutely helpless, in the care of some surly person who despised every moment of having to look after him, he wouldn't be very happy, either. He certainly wouldn't be making things easy for that person. As an adult, he'd be desperate for any means of escape. Madeline was too young and impotent to think like that. She must be so confused how she went from a loving mother to a grumpy man who... who wouldn't even hold her. Because it wasn't that she was uncomfortable with him, he didn't want to take the time to make her comfortable.

Rossi began to conclude. "I miss my son every day, but not trying again... I look back now and find myself with a lot of money and a lot of options and a lot of free time... and no one to share it with. Living with that regret, I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. And I certainly would not wish that on a friend, Reid. That is a heartache that can cripple your whole life. And you're soul is much purer than mine. This regret will destroy you and I can't let that happen to you."

"I don't want to regret it, either." He responded, at last picking up his side of the argument again. "But this is... it's just getting too hard."

At that, Rossi stared deeply into his eyes, staring straight through him to the purity of his good soul. "It's supposed to be hard. If it wasn't hard, every man would do it. The difficult is what makes fatherhood truly great... eventually. You're going into this with the idea you should have instant gratification."

"That's not it!" He argued.

"You don't think so because so many things in life have come so easily to you." He indicated. "You can't just give up because it's taxing, because it's difficult, because you can't find the right answer right away. You have to give it a real try. You have to take chances and make mistakes and then come back and try again."

"It's not just that!" Reid urged. "I'm not..."

He didn't want to say this out loud, but Rossi wouldn't back off. "Not what?"

He let himself answer before he lost the nerve. "I'm not sure I can love her. Not the way I should."

He wasn't bothered, like JJ or Hotch were, treating him like a child who simply wouldn't give in and eat his broccoli. Instead he just smiled. An almost cocky smile, like he for once knew something the genius didn't.

"I think you need to do what any man of your intelligence has done over the years." Rossi answered. "Pursue the truth and prove it... you might be surprised what you learn in the end."

That was the truth. Where would the world of mathematics be if the great minds of Archimedes or Da Vinci hadn't persevered to find the truth. Einstein worked right up to the moment of his death to prove one of his many theories. Of course, their contributions to the world were much more important than Reid's responsibility to his daughter... but finding out he was wrong might be more bearable to looking back and thinking what might have been.

He did know one thing, as he slouched down into his seat, staring at Madeline, still resting undisturbed in this man's arms. He wasn't going to take her back in the morning. He could give this a little more time. He could at least give it another week, when Sophia Rodriguez would stop by for her first visit this coming Saturday. Making it that far was at least a small victory.

"I have faith you can do this." Rossi declared softly. The way Reid's eyes were drooping, Rossi knew his energy was running as low as his daughter's right now. It had been a hard week for both of them. "All your friends do. We wish you could see the man that we see. If you give this baby a chance to see that wonderful young man we've come to love and care for... she's going to adore her daddy. And, if I'm not mistaken, you're going to find a piece of yourself in this little one. And maybe you'll start to see in her what we all love about you."

Whether Reid heard that or not, Rossi never knew. His eyes had fallen close, at last giving into his exhaustion after days and nights of having less than a half hour of sleep if he were lucky. Rossi smiled, allowing the young man all the rest he wanted. There was no where he needed to be tonight.

Looking down at the baby, he grinned wider as he saw, while her father was asleep, her eyes were now wide open. They were dark and, if he weren't mistaken in the dim lighting, there was a thick hue about them as they began to change to green. Reid's eyes were more a brown hazel than green, so she must be taking after her mother. She might have met her ultimate fate, but at least part of her would remain immortal in this little one.

"Give him a chance," he whispered, leaning down to her. "He's a really great guy, he's just scared. He's been abandoned and heartbroken, so he's been afraid to love for a long time, but you just need to be patient with him. Your daddy is an incredible man. You're very lucky to have him, Madeline. You'll see that soon enough... and don't worry," the tip of his nose pressed right against her tiny, button one, giving it a little brush, "there are a lot of people looking out for both of you. It'll turn out alright."

It was almost like she knew what he was saying. Her hand at last released his finger and reached out to touch the scruff of his face. How long had it been since someone really talked to her? She enjoyed it immensely, very happy to be with someone who was so calm. He sat up straight as he watched her yawn again and her eyes fell closed. Within a moment, the breathing beside Rossi told him both father and daughter were asleep, and the house was quiet once again.

* * *

With a grunt, Reid moved his stiff body out of the scrunched position he was in. It had been so dark when he closed his eyes and now the sun was pouring in. Hours must have gone by... and he'd slept right through.

"Madeline," he uttered in worry. Forgetting his inflexible form, he forced himself onto his feet, looking around the living room. It was completely empty. The carrier was still attached to the swing, but she wasn't sitting in there. Wasn't that the last place he left her?

So groggy, it took a moment for him to remember. Rossi. Rossi had stopped by last night. "Madeline... Madeline?" Reid called, looking around, as if the baby could call back. Looking to the closed door to the kitchen, he rushed over, practically jumping through the swinging door.

As he stumbled in, he felt a wave of relief. Rossi stood in the middle of his kitchen with the tiny baby still cuddled in his arms. She was wide awake and sucking down a freshly made bottle without the slightest fuss. The older man didn't look stressed or upset, though his clothes were slightly wrinkled.

"Morning," Rossi said with a smile as he spotted the worried father. "Sleep well?"

"What are you doing here?" Reid wondered, slightly amazed.

"Oh," he indicated the bottle. "Having breakfast. She's a good eater, this one."

Honestly, Reid hadn't noticed. The last week was such a blur to him, most of his mind blacking it out. "I mean what are you still doing here? You could have woken me and gone home."

"Reid, you were exhausted. I wanted to give you a break." He insisted, and suddenly there was a look of remorse on his face. "I want to apologize."

"For what?" He wondered, still eyeing the baby in worry. He wasn't sure what he was looking for or what had bothered him so, but there didn't seem to be anything wrong. Madeline had been just fine with her David Rossi during the night.

Rossi hesitated. He didn't want Hotch to take the blame for this. Truly, they were all to blame. "I'm sure you know why we've been pretty elusive this week, and it's not just about work."

Nodding, he replied, "I figured it out. You thought if you left us alone and had the whole burden left on me, I'd have no choice but to take complete control and, in turn, cause the two of us to bond. As you can see, it didn't work."

"At the time, it seemed like a good idea. And maybe, for someone else, it would have been, but we weren't being fair." It was obvious he felt very guilty about this, and it wasn't due to his Catholic background. "You've had so little experience with children, and making you do this alone... that wasn't only cruel, that was dangerous. It's hard enough for a married couple to handle this the first time. One person shouldn't be expected to do this all alone... I am so sorry we forced that on you."

It was true, he did feel very abandoned when his friends walked out. Now, though, hearing Rossi apologize, that anger subsided and could see the silver lining. Reid knew their hearts had been in the right place all along. They had seen something in him that told them he could do it. If it really existed, he didn't know nor did he believe it, but it meant a lot they thought so highly of him.

"Let's start over," Rossi offered. "We will help you out more. A lot more. We can't take over, but you need a lot more support than you're getting. It's our fault you felt so out of control, you deserve better than that."

Madeline was okay, he knew, but still Reid found himself hypnotized by her. During the last week, he'd avoided looking at as much as possible, and when he had to... it was like he hardened himself so he wouldn't truly see her. Now, though, in the light of a new day, Reid felt different. Like he was seeing her for the first time again, and that pain in his chest returned.

He'd been awfully selfish this week. Feeling forsaken by his friends, he'd done nothing but blame everything on Madeline. An innocent creature who couldn't fight back, just as a bully would do. She was just a baby, after all... she was his baby. Something started stirring inside him at that thought and knew, perhaps, he did have a bit of feelings for her.

"It wasn't fair to be left alone, but I'm not entirely faultless here." Reid said, feeling sick to his stomach at what a monster he'd been. "I'm not even trying. There have been so many things in life people said I couldn't do, that I was too young or too weak and I fought back every single time. Now I have a group of the greatest people in the world who are completely in my corner and all I've done is act like a big baby myself."

The revelation upon them, Rossi carefully tilted the bottle more, helping Madeline finishing sucking down every last bit. "Well, it's a new day... and it's certainly not too late to start over."

He was taking in everything about her. Her clothes had changed, now dressed in a light blue onzie with stars on it that had once belonged to Henry. Rossi must have needed to change her clothes in the night, possibly during a diaper fiasco in the wee hours of the morning. Her arm lay at ease beside her, her little hand flexing and unflexing as she ate happily. Slowly, Reid lifted his hand and began to reach out for her, feeling the urge to lightly touch that little hand... just to feel it. He'd held her a few times, but he'd never taken the time to appreciate her.

And then it happened. At last, the tips of his fingers brushed to the top of her hand, just as Rossi's had done last night. To his surprise, she seemed to respond the same way. Reid was stunned as she reached out and grabbed his index finger, grabbing onto it with a strength he never expected in something so small.

"Wow," he said with a smile. "She's got such a tight grip... I didn't think she could have this hold on me."

Rossi smiled, knowing the little girl may have just started to bridge the gap between them. That hold was not going to be an easy release. In fact, given time, Rossi was sure a lifetime wouldn't be able to sever the two.

"I'm going to do better," he said, staring down at where his finger and her hand were joined. "I'm really going to try my best now. I think Madeline deserves that. She's been through so much, she's lost her mother, she doesn't even have a real home... I should at least try to be a real father to her, even if it's just for three months. And I shouldn't need my friends to hold my hand."

"You do need some help, Reid." Rossi assured.

"I agree," He answered. "But I'm capable of standing on my own two feet. I can do this, I can take care of my..."

As confident as he felt, it still wasn't the easy thing to say. Like an alcoholic, having to admit he did have a drinking problem.

"My... my daughter." He finally stammered out. The word still sounded so unnatural. Hopefully, that would get better in time as well.

He looked to Rossi again, desperately. "You guys will be there for me, though... right?"

"We've always been there for you." He replied. "If you need us, I swear we will be here. We love you, Reid."

Rossi couldn't deny how proud of him he was. This was definitely the first step in the right direction, and Rossi could sense a very happy ending on the horizon. It would be a long journey, but the father and daughter would get there. In time.

As the doorbell rang, Reid was started, looking back towards the living room. He wasn't expecting anyone, but if JJ hadn't sent Rossi here last night, perhaps she had returned. He hoped so. He supposed they should talk about what happened...

"I'll be right back," he said and stepped away. It took more than a moment to pry his hand from the baby's grasp, almost like he wasn't ready to let her go.

Stepping back to the living room, he hurried to the front door. He hadn't a doubt who was on the other side, not even bothering to check the peep hole. As it opened, however, his jaw dropped at the sight of the familiar, yet unexpected sight of a raven haired woman.

"I'm sorry," Emily Prentiss said with a smirk, "but I just had to see this."


	10. The Debt

"Oh, my God!" Reid exclaimed as Emily stood in the doorway. He gaped at her for the longest time, just trying to deduce who he saw was who was truly there. He was sleep deprived, after all.

As it sunk in, a wide smile matched Emily's and he pulled her into a hug. She clung to him to tightly, showing that the ambiguous shield on the outside wasn't in the least how she really felt. It was only four months, but after spending nearly every day together, it was so difficult to be away from each other. And neither realized that until they were in each other's arms.

As she pulled away, seeing Emily's familiar smile. Reid felt so elated with joy, the horrible memories of the last week wiped from his mind. "I missed you!"

"I missed you, too!" She answered. Her voice was kind and excited, trying to fight to urge curl her nose a bit. "I heard about what was going on and thought I'd stop by. I can't believe you're a Baby Daddy!"

"Believe it," he uttered with a chuckle of the slightest denial. He was still unable to believe it himself. "Wait... how did you even know about it? You didn't... you didn't come all the way from London just for this, did you?"

He really was the same old Reid. "Slow down!" Emily urged, wanting him to keep calm. It wasn't hard to tell he'd been stressed out lately, and she would prefer to keep this light. "No, Reid, not that I wouldn't get on a plane and come home if you needed me, but I was in town on a case."

"Who told you?" He wondered.

As if in answer, the kitchen swung open as Rossi eased his way through, the baby still cradled protectively in his arms. Emily was stunned, not expecting him, but gave a smile of amazement.

"Speak of the Devil!" She replied and indicated him. "I met Rossi for dinner last week and... he filled me in on what was going on. My real question is why didn't _you_ tell me? I move to London and suddenly, I'm not a part of the group anymore?"

She poked him in his chest and Reid felt a little guilty. "It's not that... it was hard for me to admit this to anyone... I've been having a hard time dealing with this."

"Yeah, but he's coming along," Rossi smiled with a wink. He stepped forward, bringing the baby into view for everyone. "And here is someone you haven't met yet; Miss Madeline Bailey."

Emily paused for a moment at that, looking over the child. Reid supposed she was still shocked at the fact that he was a father, and seeing the proof before her eyes was a doozy. However, in a moment, her mouth spread into another smile. Much different this time. Filled with joy and adoration, filled with love for her. Emily loved her already, just because she was her friend's daughter.

Reid still couldn't understand how they did that. Why couldn't he love her, too?

"Hello, Madeline," Emily uttered, reaching over to brush her hand. Her little eyes had closed and she was fading into sleep, happy after a filling breakfast and still so safe and warm in this carrying man's embrace. "I'm a friend of your daddy's, and I've got to say, you are one beautiful little girl. Yes, you are."

"That seems to be the popular opinion." Reid mentioned, watching with envy yet again as two strangers bonded with his daughter and he couldn't even manage to get her to stop crying without hours of work. "I should... probably put her down. I'm sure you'll want to be getting home, Dave."

"Actually, Reid, I'm okay for now." Rossi said, exchanging a glance with Emily. She instantly tensed, but it went away after a moment. "If want to get some more sleep, I can watch her, no problem."

Reid wouldn't mind a little time to himself, but he knew that wasn't fair. "No, I'll be alright. I don't want to take up anymore of your day."

"Take some time, Reid, I can help him!" Emily announced. "At least go get a shower. I didn't want to mention this, but you smell like you haven't bathed in a while."

"Hey!" He exclaimed, slightly offended, especially at their stifled giggles. "It has been a very rough week! For both of us!"

"I understand that, kiddo." Rossi answered. "So take advantage of some free child care. Go get yourself cleaned up and we'll look after Madeline. It's not a problem."

A hot shower did sound good. Who knew something so simple a few weeks ago was now such a luxury. "You guys wouldn't mind making some coffee, would you?"

Rossi smiled. "There's already a fresh pot in there. It's all ready for when you come out."

Reid was delighted. "Great, thanks guys... I really appreciate it."

Inadvertently, he took one more glance at the sleeping baby. Madeline was still nestled in her blankets, safe and sound. She'd need another diaper change soon, but right now she was just fine. She was in good hands, too, so it wouldn't hurt to walk away for a minute.

It was odd, as he started to head down the corridor to the one tiny bathroom his apartment had. Was it some kind of separation anxiety that made Reid want to stop and go back? It had to be, because he hadn't been out of the baby's company for the entire week, except for the odd minute or two. He thought he'd be happy to have some time to himself... but he was wrong. He felt anxious and worried, not too fond of being apart from her.

As he stepped into his bathroom and closed the door, he determined his distress was his basic sense relating to homeostasis. Reid liked things to stay the same, so when they changed suddenly, it made him very uncomfortable. That had to be it. He'd had Madeline in his life a week now and he had adapted to a new sense of identity. That was all. Reid forced it from his mind as he turned on the shower, wanting to spend every second allowing his mind to relax and focus on things that were important to him... though that was difficult.

Meanwhile, Rossi and Emily moved back into the kitchen, both wanting a cup of coffee. "Oh, man," Emily uttered as she spotted the mess. "It's like the Gerber baby's threw up in here."

"Well put," Rossi uttered as he stepped over to the table, taking a seat. "He's been struggling a bit, but the important thing is, he made it through his first week. That's a victory in itself."

Emily decided it might be nice to clean up a little of this mess for him before he returned. It was the least she could do... considering her presence was here under false pretenses.

"I didn't think you'd be here this morning." Emily said as she gathered up a spilled can of formula. Normally, when it came to food, she'd try to salvage what she could and put the lid back on, but there was a baby concerned here. They couldn't be too careful. "Are you checking up on me, making sure I do it?"

"No," Rossi gave a shake of his head. "I stopped by last night to check on him and when he fell asleep, I thought I'd stick around and give him a little break... I knew you'd do it eventually, and I'm glad you didn't want to wait any longer."

As she grabbed a few paper towels, she went to the sink to wet them. "I don't know if I can do this, Dave." She uttered, unable to look at him. "I feel like I'm violating his trust."

"Emily," Rossi urged, "we discussed this just last night. He's not only the best option you have, he's the only option you have. He's the only one who can give you answers... and without them, you're going to get nowhere."

Stepping over to the counter, she started to wipe the crystalized mess away, revealing the brown tile underneath that had been hidden for days and days. "It's just not fair... I didn't even know this person... and I'm supposed to shatter his entire illusion of her."

In her sleep, Madeline gave a yawn and Rossi smiled. "Reid's a lot tougher than you think. He won't like what you have to say... but he'll accept it, and it might come a bit easier for him coming from a friend. I know he'll want to help you. It'll be okay."

At that, Emily met his eyes. Rossi looked at her with deep concern and she knew he didn't doubt that in the least. It would be a terrible truth to learn, but Reid would understand... at least she hoped.

* * *

Who knew a rain of hot water and a clean pair of clothes could make him feel like a new man. He'd spent much longer in the shower than he meant to, but it just felt so good. The sprinkle seemed to wash more than the dirt and stench away, his worries went with it. He felt like his old self and a new man all at the same time.

Not to mention, the kitchen looked immaculate when he walked in. The counters were clear and the room smelled strongly of bold coffee. It was so delicious, it made his mouth water. Without a word, he rushed to the cupboard to grab a mug, dashing to grab the carafe, not even caring when a few drops splashed onto his hand. The slight burn made him feel alive.

"I see you're feeling better." Emily smiled. Reid had nearly forgotten his friends were here. But they were, seated at the table, each with a cup of coffee on the wood as they chatted. Madeline was still fast asleep, nestled on the table back in her bouncy chair. Rossi had even grabbed the blue blanket JJ had leant him to wrap her carefully, keeping her warm. There was no chance she'd roll over, so she couldn't suffocate.

"Thanks for cleaning up," Reid said as he grabbed the sugar. "Really, this is the best I've felt since we brought the baby home. I'm feeling much better, thank you so much."

"No problem." Rossi raised his mug to him, giving him a proud smile. "Come, sit and talk with us. It's been awhile since the three of us have been in the same room."

That was indeed the truth. After a week of minimal human contact, he would have sat at that table with just about anyone. Maybe even his father. However, he was pleased it was two of the group of people he cared about most in the world.

Testing his coffee with a sip, he determined it was just right. Emily was seated right in front of the baby and Reid took the one next to her.

"I really appreciate you guys giving me some time to get cleaned up." Reid said again, running a concerned eye over the baby. She was just fine. He still didn't know why he felt so nervous at leaving her before, but now it felt nonexistent. Madeline was content, quiet, and sleeping; that was about as good as he wanted it.

"You needed it." Emily said with a nod. "I could tell. Sometimes, when I feel anxious and out of control, or I just can't sleep, there's nothing like a long hot bath that soothes me. I can't explain it, but just a little while submersed in soapy lavender water puts my mind at ease and I fall right to sleep."

"Studies have shown that the scent of lavender helps in matters of sleep. It slows down a person's heart rate and blood pressure, along with putting you into a relaxed state." Reid explained without missing a beat. "Mint is another scent that promotes relaxation, which makes sense since lavender is a part of the mint family."

At that, Emily let out a laugh. Full and heavy, but still mindful of the sleeping baby. "Oh, it's good to be home!"

For a little while, the three just sat around the table in animated conversation. Rossi and Reid filled Emily in on all the details of their lives since she left, including the rundown on Blake. She was rather interested in her replacement on the team, as well as the rest of them, having missed them so much. The whole time, Madeline slept soundly. Her blue pacifier bobbed around in her mouth with her head leaning to the side. She hadn't slept this well all week, and Reid was both amazed and grateful. He hadn't even realized he'd been staring at her until Emily was calling for his attention.

"What?" He asked, snapping back over.

Emily smiled, but she didn't draw attention to his moment of indiscretion. She'd heard enough from Rossi alone how difficult this was for him and making too much of a fuss about it too soon would put him off. The same thing happened when she came back from Paris, and that had set them back quite a bit in their friendship. Thank goodness they were able to get over that hurdle, and now seemed better than ever. She just hoped today wouldn't destroy everything.

"I still can't get over this little girl," Emily said as she gently tugged her tiny foot. Madeline didn't even feel it, not budging an inch. "She's just adorable... you're taking good care of her, it looks like."

"Are you kidding?" Reid wondered, hanging his head a bit. "I'm a mess."

"A successful mess." Rossi said with another raise of his glass. "It's only been a week, and most of parenting is learning as you go."

Emily turned to him with such a sympathetic simper. "I am sorry about... everything you went through. I heard the mother was an old friend of yours?"

Reid stopped short, staring at her intently. His eyes glanced up to Rossi's for a split second before a conclusion could be formed. "How did you know that? Have you... you've been talking to Hotch about this!"

"What!" Emily shrieked, a little louder than she meant to. Thankfully, it didn't disturb the baby. With a slight stammer in her voice, her cheeks tinging just a bit pink, she tried to brush it off, "No... I haven't... spoken to Hotch since... my goodbye party."

Actually... it had been just after the goodbye party... but no one needed to know that. Emily would rather erase the whole memory, anyway. It was humiliating.

"Oh..." Reid uttered, confused. "But... how could he have known-"

"I had a hunch, Reid." Rossi interrupted. "The others might be fooled to think you picked up a woman in a bar, but I'm good at what I do. I know you'd never take a woman home unless you had a strong connection to her, and you wouldn't be able to form such a connection without years of companionship... since it's someone we never heard of, I knew she had to be an old friend from your past. I don't like to jump to conclusions, but I have a feeling I'm not wrong."

He was right, and Reid felt - after everything he'd done for him in the last twelve hours - he owed it to him to be truthful. And Emily... Emily was the one he could always rely on. Who didn't treat him like he needed his hand held all the time. He wondered if Emily would have walked away from him last week as they had... probably not... but it wasn't like she'd take the job over for him either.

These were the two people he could be open and honest with, deciding to let them into his private world... even just a little bit.

"Yeah... she was." Reid nodded, looking away. His eyes traveled over to the blind covered window above the sink, staring out at the early morning sky through the open strips. The sun was flowing through the clouds like melted butter, it was beautifully blazing.

"What was she like?" Emily pressed, refusing to tear her eyes from him. She needed every tell his face could give if this was going to work out.

Now that, Reid hesitated. He wasn't ready to talk about Caroline. Really talk. There was so much to share about his childhood friend and wasn't sure he'd ever be ready. Their parting had soiled the happy memories they shared over the many years, and thinking about them now, he was sure would bring back the pain.

"Oh, you know..." he answered with a shrug, looking down. "She was nice... artistic... she'd had a lot of tough breaks, so her life was never easy."

"I'm sure," Emily answered, and with that leaned a bit closer to him. "When, uh... when was the last time you saw her? Just an estimate, about ten months ago?"

Reid suddenly had a flash of Rodriguez; a total stranger grilling him on information on a very private matter. Emily wasn't usually this inquisitive... unless she had an ulterior motive.

"More or less," Reid answered. His eyes traveled over to the baby, thinking about the last time he saw her mother. How familiar everything was about her, like going back in time. Everything about that night had been so right... like it was supposed to happen.

"Mm," Emily nodded, trying to sound casual. Her eyes fell on the baby, not wanting Reid to feel like he was being interrogated. Her hand reached over to lightly tug on Madeline's tiny foot, sticking out from under the blanket. It brought a smile to her face. "What did you guys talk about?"

Now Reid was really getting irritated. "How is that any business of yours?"

Her eyes wide and innocent, she looked to Reid, giving a shrug. "I'm just... making conversation. I feel bad she died, I was... wondering if you had any idea she was sick."

That twisted his stomach, knowing he should have suspected. "If I had any idea she was remotely sick, I would have done something. But no... she got sick from the pregnancy... it's not the baby's fault. If anyone's, it's mine."

"Oh, no, it's not your fault." Emily shook her head. "But... just out of curiosity... how did she die?"

"Excuse me?" Reid exclaimed. How could she possibly think he'd want to discuss this right now. The death of his friend, while her daughter was still in the room. She might be only a month old, but it still didn't seem appropriate.

"Emily," Rossi hissed. She glanced at him, shot by his glaring eyes. As if urging her to stop. Stop what, though?

"I..." She looked back, wishing there was another way to do this. But her first attempt was dying quickly, and Reid was getting angry. She couldn't blame him, if someone were questioning her about the death of someone she cared about. "I'm just... I'm just trying to create a real picture."

"The real picture's not important!" Reid cried. "Emily, what my friend and I went through, what we shared... that's none of your business. It's difficult for me to think about, and I have enough on my mind right now, so... please, as another of my close friends, just drop it. Help me with the present instead of the past."

Emily closed her eyes as she sat back, desperate to think of an argument. She just couldn't do it, giving a sigh. "Okay, I'm sorry."

"Damnit, Emily!" Rossi exclaimed in the softest of cries, yet still sounded deadly. "Just tell him!"

Reid was confused, and a little scared. "Tell me what?" He demanded to know. "I don't understand."

There was no avoiding it now. Bracing herself, Emily turned back to Reid and said, with the most apologetic of faces. "I'm sorry, Reid. I came here today under false pretenses."

"What do you mean?" Reid wondered. "You didn't want to meet the baby? Because of all my friends, you'd be the first who wasn't flabbergasted at the fact that I'm a father."

"Don't get me wrong," Emily avowed, her hand kindly brushing the sleeve of his cardigan, "I did want to see the baby, but there is another matter. As he said, Rossi and I went to dinner last Saturday and he told me everything. About you, the baby... who he suspected the mother was. He said you mentioned her name was... Caroline?"

"Yeah," Reid nodded. "What's that got to do with anything?"

He needed a clear picture. With another deep breath, she went back to the beginning. I've been in DC for a few weeks now. I didn't tell you guys because I've been busy working on a trafficking case and didn't have much free time."

"You found time today, though." Reid informed. "Do the international criminals take Sunday's off?"

It suddenly occurred to him. It was Sunday... their day. Maeve knew what he was enduring right now, but did that stop her from waiting by a phone? Hoping he would call? And what would happen if he didn't? She'd be worried and frightened, wishing there was some way she could reach out to him. He just needed an hour to find a new spot and call her... but could he sneak away?

"No," Emily answered, getting his mind back on track. "After I contacted Rossi, he offered to help me a bit."

"Emily and I were searching through the case files last night." Added Rossi. "I found one belonging to a woman named Caroline Bailey who disappeared about ten months ago. Red hair, about 5'9, between 30 and 32 years old... born and raised in Las Vegas. That with the fact she shares the same last name as your daughter, it seemed too much of a coincidence."

He was stunned. "I'd have to see the file to be sure, but... that sounds like her."

"There's a picture included with it, I'll show it to you if you'd like." Emily promised.

"But Caroline promised she'd gotten clean." Reid informed. "And anyway, she didn't make the smartest or healthiest choices in life, but I'd hate to think she'd stoop as low as to smuggle drugs."

Emily corrected him. "It's not drugs... it's organs. This case is investigating and taking down an organ trafficking ring that's based right here in DC."

Either he didn't want to acknowledge his friend was associated with something like that, or his mind was just on a track that couldn't be stopped. With this news, Reid questioned, "But why would you get involved? You're Interpol, you're based international. The FBI takes care of domestic, and that's only if they country deems it illegal."

"If they're murdering people to get the organs, that's illegal everywhere." Emily indicated. "This is an extensive group of people that was spanning across several continents... but they're based primarily here, and conducting their business within the capital and neighboring cities. If Interpol can bring the center of the group down, it might be enough to cause the rest of the organization to crumble."

Organ trafficking. Now that made perfect sense. Caroline had been on the transplant list by UNOS, but disappeared without receiving her heart. This might have been her answer, although there were still holes in the story.

"So... you think Caroline... was one of their buyers?" Reid voiced. He shook his head, "Where did she get that kind of money?"

Now was the hard part. Emily suddenly took Reid by surprise again, making a gesture he rarely saw from her. She reached over to take his hand. She already knew this would be hard on him.

"Reid... Caroline Bailey is one of the main suspects." Emily explained. "The buyers are too extensive and discreet to track down, we're not focusing on them... but Caroline has been reported to help with the process. We're not exactly sure what she did, but we think she did a lot smuggling and transporting."

It was like getting kicked him in the stomach. Hearing that, learning how deep his friend had fallen, caught up in an underworld of crime... it made him sick. He clung onto Emily's hand as he shook his head. "Why... why would she do that..."

"We're not really sure, Reid-"

"I'm not asking!" He exclaimed, looking up to his friends, who both watched with caution. "I'm just trying to process this. Sometimes it helps to do it out loud."

"From what I could deduce last night, Reid," Rossi explained, "it seems Caroline got involved with the group a few years ago. She was living in New York, I'm assuming getting some kind of treatment and waiting on a heart. Heart's are hard to come by, and she was probably getting anxious... these kind of groups have scouts in all the major cities, especially near the coasts where a lot of immigration comes in... one of them could have found out about her and knew she'd be easily recruited. Told her she'd get a healthy heart as soon as possible and she could work off her debt with them."

That made sense. Caroline always made a joke that she didn't go looking for trouble, it came looking for her. Maybe this time, she was right.

"I can't believe this," Reid said, shaking his head. How could she have been so stupid?

He had yet to let go of Emily's hand, clinging to it tighter than he realized, but she in no way minded. "I am so sorry, Reid. Believe me, I never thought I'd have to tell you something like this, I know it's a lot to take-"

"Yeah, it's a lot to take!" He agreed, opening his eyes. "I just... can't believe Caroline was so stupid. Why would she do this?" He glanced at Madeline just in time to see her yawn, the pacifier dropping out her mouth. For just an instant, Reid thought she looked cute. It was the first time he thought that. "It's not like she had a baby to take care of yet, she had nothing to leave behind."

"It was probably just the fact she was getting sicker." Answered Rossi, always good at forming a theory when needed. "She was facing the end of her life and it scared her... she was willing to do anything to save herself."

"Anyway, she suddenly disappeared, for reasons no one knew. We haven't had any close informants to question about it and I was beginning to think they killed her." Emily added, and at that, smiled over at the baby. "Of course, now I know she ran away."

"And for good reason." Rossi added as he looked at Madeline as well with sympathy.

Reid was so confused right now. His hand slipped from Emily's as he sat back in his chair, his mind swarming like a hive of bees had just infiltrated through his ear. "I really can't believe this."

"Reid, please listen to me!" Emily urged. She rarely saw this distressed, discombobulated expression on his face. In fact, he looked about ready to have a panic attack. "I hate that I had to tell you this. The last thing I would ever want to do is hurt you."

"Oh, Emily," Reid urged, holding up his hand to hold her back. "I'm not mad at you. I know you wouldn't tell me unless you had some form of tangible proof... and I'm really not surprised by it."

Rossi wondered, "Then why do you look like you're about to have a stroke?"

"Because I hate that she didn't come to me." Reid uttered. "She knew what I did for a living. If she got pregnant and was scared and needed protection, I had the resources to help her."

This was getting to be too complex and he needed a chance to clear his thoughts. Maybe he was rusty after a week in this solitude, his thoughts only centered around an onerous infant, or maybe he was now spoiled having a mind as challenging as his to bounce ideas off of. Either way, his intellect was being stifled in here. His only solution was to talk to Maeve.

Standing out of his chair, Reid ran his fingers through his hair, still moist from his shower. Emily and Rossi both watched him with concern, unsure what reaction might meet them next.

At last, he turned to them, his eyes bright and sounding a bit too calm as he spoke. "Would either of you mind watching the baby for me?"

"What's the matter?" Rossi wondered.

"Nothing," he answered. "I mean... I need some time to process this and... I think the fresh air would do me good. Help me clear my head."

Emily looked incredibly bothered, but found nothing unusual about that. Reid often liked to be alone when he was caught off guard by something. Rossi, however, eyed Reid suspiciously, giving the young man the sensation he was reading his mind.

"Hm," Rossi uttered, glancing over at the baby. Madeline was quiet now, but it wouldn't be long before she'd need a change and probably want to be held and cuddled. It would be a good opportunity for Reid, if he were serious about starting over with her. But he sensed a trip out of the apartment would do him good. Especially in the long run.

"Sure," he answered with a nod. "Take your time, we'll wait here."

Reid breathed with relief. "Thank you. I promise, it won't be more than an hour."

He wanted to run to the door before Rossi could change his mind or Emily could protest, but something held him back. As if he needed further assurance he was given this freedom for just a little while. His eyes landed on Madeline again, her little tongue sliding out for a moment over her tiny lips.

"Are you going?" Rossi pressed, following his gaze and trying not to grin.

"Yeah," He muttered. "I'll, uh... I'll have my cell phone if there are any problems."

Rossi casually drank from his cup. "She'll be fine, kid, have a good time."

He stared at her for one more moment, feeling that same urge of worry as he had when he went to get a shower. This was probably just a result of cabin fever, and once he got outside and experienced the world again, he'd feel like his old self. He just needed to walk away.

Practically forcing himself forward, Reid headed out of the kitchen. A few minutes later, the two at the table heard the door close carefully... as if being mindful of delicate ears trying to sleep.

"Do you think he'll ever forgive me?" Emily uttered sadly. She watched Madeline's little hand poke out of her blanket, the chubby little fingers flexed and stretched, like plump pink caterpillars crawling on the hem.

Rossi set his mug down. "Emily, Reid said himself he wasn't mad at you."

"Not about my case, about leaving." She explained, leaning her elbows on the table. She reached over with her one finger to delicately brush them. In her sleep, she reached out to her, craving her touch. She'd been so deprived of human warmth and contact, she reached for it whenever she could sense it, unsure where all the love she first found in the world had gone.

"Reid used to talk things over with me when he was hurt or confused or caught off guard... when he's angry, he rushes away. And he won't tell you he's angry, either, he'll bottle it up and make snide comments, pretending nothing's wrong."

"He's not bottling anything," he said, and couldn't help but gentle smile as the baby clung to Emily's finger. No one could resist a smile once they were in the clutches of the precious child. "I think he's just... evolving."

"To what?" Emily wondered.

But Rossi wouldn't answer. He had his own suspicions as to what was changing the young man before his very eyes. A change not even Reid could sense. For no man could sense it until he was so deep within its possession, he'd never be freed. And if he were wise, he'd never want to.

* * *

It was a beautiful day. The sky never looked so vibrant as it did in the thick of autumn, contrasted perfectly against the golden orange of the trees, whisking lightly in the breeze. Reid nearly forgot how much he loved this time of year. Getting to experience it after a week behind closed doors; it felt like he'd been born again.

He went a bit further than he'd first intended, but Reid wanted to experience the morning a little bit longer. Besides, a longer walk would allow him more time to mull the conversation over, and it seemed like today was the most important conversation they'd had to date. He was anticipating it like a boy anticipates his birthday.

At last, at the corner, the phone booth came into view. He hadn't used that one yet. In fact, he hadn't used any of the booths near his apartment. Not for protection, though, or at least not his. He saved them in case of an emergency. What that would be, he couldn't imagine, but he was always prepared.

There was a woman talking there as he reached it, complaining to whomever was on the other line that her cell phone had died. She went on for nearly ten minutes, and Reid stood back and tried not to look anxious. It was hard to be patient when he longed so much to hear her voice again.

As she hung up, she'd barely stepped out of the way before Reid rushed forward. "Sorry," he muttered, slipping some change into the slot. The lady shot him an annoyed look, but stepped off without a word. He was finally alone.

He listened to the commands and punched in the right codes. Hanging up, he stood back and waited. And waited... and waited... sometimes it took her a while. Reid had sensed this pattern a long time ago. He noticed when he called her very early, she'd always respond in a timely manner. In the late morning or afternoon, however, there was often a longer gap, sometimes even spanning a half hour. Not every time, but enough for him to notice a pattern, and he'd come to the conclusion that Maeve often didn't sleep at night. If she were particularly afraid night, she'd wait until sunrise before letting her guard down. Things always seemed less threatening in the light of day.

At last, when twenty minutes had passed, the phone began to ring. Reid snatched it up before the chime could finish. "Hey, it's me." He said and couldn't hold back his smile for anything.

"Spencer!" Maeve exclaimed, absolutely delighted. "I can't believe it. I didn't think you'd call me this week."

"I wasn't sure if I'd be able to." He replied, at least feeling at peace, finally able to find some familiarity in his disorganized life. "But I managed it."

There was a pregnant silence on the other end, and Reid could have guessed what she was about to ask, word for word. "So... how's the baby?"

"She's..." Reid spoke slowly, hoping the right words would come to him. It wasn't an easy thing to say, to admit what a failure he'd been this week, how just twelve hours ago he was all but ready to give her up, and now he had a determination to take care of her. He could open with a neutral statement. "She's still alive."

Oh, his heart felt so light as he heard her giggle. "Well, at least you're off to a good start. I know this week must have been quite a battle for you."

That seemed an appropriate statement. "I honestly can't believe I made it... and I did it almost entirely on my own. I didn't want to, but my friends didn't give me much of a choice."

Her soft voice responded, "Well, I am very proud of you for that. Taking care of a baby is no easy task."

"Yeah," He mumbled, and hung his head a bit, feeling slightly ashamed. "I took care of her, she's still alive and healthy... but..."

He trailed into silence, not wanting to say this and feel that shame again; that he was an inadequate man because he couldn't comfort and love his child. Admitting this to his friends was difficult, knowing what they expected of him. Maeve, however, was blessedly different, and he knew no matter what he admitted to her, she wouldn't judge him. It allowed him to continue.

"We're not really getting along." He answered. "I know she's a baby and she can't know what's going on... but, I haven't exactly been an affection father for the past seven days."

A short pause followed, as if Maeve were considering something. "Well, what can you expect, Spencer? It's only been a week, you barely know each other."

He was about to argue when he stopped short. Not only wasn't he expecting that... but it made perfect sense.

She even continued. "I know as a society, we live under an impression that connections like these should be instant. 'Love at first sight' as it were. But that's impractical. It works with primitive animals, not evolved humans. I mean... look at you and me. We didn't start out like this, it took time to build what we have."

That was very true. When Maeve first contacted him, he wasn't looking for a romance or even a friend... he was just responding to a fellow scientist who was intrigued by his article. What they shared now had blossomed from such a humble beginning, and it was much better than anything he could have imagined.

"There is a flaw in your example, however." Reid insisted.

She'd been expecting that. "Is that so? Explain your reasoning."

"What we have, while wonderful, was never our inital intention." He said. "It happened without trying, and I don't believe we would have the same results if we'd tried to force it."

"I agree," Maeve replied, and Reid sensed she'd been expecting that all along. "So why not try the same approach with your daughter?"

Did he hear her right? "What? You... want me to ignore her?"

"No," Maeve uttered kindly, "I think you need to let a bond happen in its own time. When we first started communicating, we weren't thinking about where we'd be in six months or a year... we only thought about the next letter. What the next one would say, what we'd write about in response... and then it evolved into phone calls. We still only think about it as one moment at a time because, frankly... in this situation, thinking about the future isn't practical, and in your situation with Madeline, you only have a foreseeable future together. Applying the same concept is the most constructive choice. You have to try that with her. Just concentrate on one day at a time; one bottle, one bath, one experience after the other... the results may surprise you."

She was incredible. This whole experience made him feel like he was blind, completely trapped in darkness, yet Maeve stepped in to simply show him he just needed to switch on the light. If his friends had suggested that, he'd be too stubborn to try... but he'd do anything to make her happy.

"I will take that into consideration." He said, trying not to smile.

A slight giggle erupted on the other end, but was quickly stifled. "So, who's watching the Madeline?"

"Oh, Madeline, right... I knew I forgot something." He muttered, trying not to laugh.

"Spencer!" She squeaked, "Don't tease me, I know you wouldn't leave that little baby alone."

"Right you are," He answered. "Actually, there are two sitters there right now. Rossi and... Emily."

"Emily?" She asked, curious. "You mean Emily Prentiss?"

"The very same." He responded.

She was just as stunned as he. "Wow... I thought she was in London."

"Apparently she came to town recently to investigate a case." He explained. "And... this is going to blow your mind, but you'll never guess who was involved in this case."

A pause sounded before an unsure voice asked, "Caroline?"

"Yes," He said, feeling deflated. "How did you know?"

"You said 'was involved' indicating he or she isn't a part of it anymore, perhaps even has died, and if it's someone relative to this point in your life, it would have to be Caroline." She explained.

Reid stood in amazement for a moment. He hadn't even suspected Caroline could be connected, although Maeve wasn't as emotionally involved as he. "I think you'd make a fair profiler, my dear."

"No," she answered with a smile, "I've just learned a thing or two from talking with you. You're quite captivating, Dr. Reid."

At that, Reid couldn't help becoming flustered, "Huh," was all he could utter at first, his cheeks turning red.

After a few attempts, he managed to clear her throat. "Any... anyway..." He stalled, trying to find his train of thought again. "It seemed Caroline got involved with an extensive organ trafficking ring... so she could get a new heart. She was a part of the organization, but ran away when she got pregnant."

"Oh, my..." Maeve uttered. The fun and playfulness of the conversation was nonexistent now. "I'm... sorry, Spencer... that must have been a real shock."

"I wish it were," Reid responded, "but... I can't honestly say I'm surprised."

Maeve was a bit startled, "Indeed?"

"I don't want to believe Caroline would stoop so low... she was my friend, I want to think the best of her... but if I objectively think about it... I know full well she would. I know she was capable of doing the most horrific crimes short of murder... and even that, I wouldn't put past her, especially not after all this time. People change a lot in one year, let alone thirteen. Not to mention, Caroline had always felt lost... even as a child. She had a hard time relating to the rest of the world. If these people accepted her, even if it was par a contractual agreement... she would have stuck by them, even after her debt was paid."

He paused a moment, just letting himself contemplate this. Why was it so much easier thinking this through here, on the phone with Maeve, than with his friends. Two people in his same field that he'd worked with for years. It didn't make sense.

"What I can't seem to understand," he continued, "is why she decided to stay so close to DC to have the baby. If her group was positioned here, she'd want to get as far away as possible. Find a small town or an unconnected city... or maybe even go to Canada. She could have started over up there, no problem."

"Isn't it obvious?" Maeve wondered, and before he had a chance to reply, "She wanted to stay close to you."

That didn't make sense. "Why, in case she got into a jam? Mm... that makes since, Maeve, but I know Caroline. If she were in trouble, she wouldn't go to anyone for help. She always felt she had to take care of things on her own. She'd been that way since she was a teenager."

"That's not what I was thinking, but it does explain why she never told you." Maeve corrected. "I think she wanted to stay close to the father of her child."

Now that was an even worse theory than his original thought. "But Caroline didn't know her daughter was mine."

"I suspect she did." She argued. "You just said yourself she liked to handle things on her own, which explains why she never told you. Considering her health and history, she knew she didn't have great odds, so until she knew she was capable of caring for her child, she wanted to make sure she could contact you in case she needed you to take her."

Before he could think a response, the former words of Diana Reid sounded in his mind. _A mother knows_. Maybe Caroline didn't have enough proof to want to put his name on the birth certificate... but that didn't mean she didn't have a gut feeling. Caroline must have known he was the father all along.

"Huh," Reid said again, contemplating that. "There's a lot of holes in that theory... but it definitely makes the most since out of any scenario... and it doesn't seem impossible. And when you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable-

"-must be the truth." Maeve finished with him, and they both laughed. "I fully agree with that, as I'm sure you're aware."

"There is something I don't understand, though." Reid added. "And I don't think you'd be able to shine some light on it, either."

Maeve wondered. "What's that?"

Reid took a moment to put his thoughts into words. "Why did Caroline feel she needed to run away in the first place? I'm not sure how long she worked with the group, but if she'd already proven her loyalty... wouldn't they help her support her child?"

"Maybe she knew if they learned about the baby, they'd order her to have an abortion in order to continue working... and Caroline didn't want to lose her. Lots of mothers feel like that, even if they're not prepared." Maeve replied.

Somehow, though, Reid knew that wasn't it. He had no doubts Caroline was a good person, and nothing in his life would sway his feelings on that. But, if it came down to her survival, she wouldn't risk the life of an unborn child to protect herself. Not if she was only a few weeks along.

Reid felt a sudden urge of protectiveness at that, consumed with the thought of Caroline killing their baby to save her life... and suddenly pushed it from his mind. Where had that come from?

"Or maybe she was just tired of working for them. Running one job after another and not working any money off. These groups do tend to have obscene interest." Reid checked his watch. They still had some time... but not much. "I do know, however, there's a lot more to this than Caroline running owing a debt... and I plan to find out what."

"Do you have to?" Maeve asked, worried. "These people sound dangerous, Spencer. I know you're used to this work, but if you don't have to get involved, maybe it's best if you don't. I don't want you to get hurt and... you have a baby to think about now."

Yes, he did, and he knew Maeve was constantly worried for him, terrified of what danger he'd face and whether he'd come back to her. It was a new experience, having someone care for him so deeply. Someone who wasn't his mother, anyway.

"I know," he finally answered. "But... Caroline was my friend, and she died alone. I'll never be able to forgive myself for that, but I can do this. I know why she joined these people... I ought to at least know why she ran away. Even if it were something as simple as wanting to have a life with her daughter, I should know. I have to know."


	11. Justice

It was close to the end of the week and Emily had returned with some information on her case. Anything important that pertained to Caroline's involvement. Emily was reluctant to bring Reid into this. After all, he was personally involved. But she could see just how important this was to him, and of the few people in this world she fully trusted, Reid was one of them. Plus, with Rossi out of town with the team, it wouldn't hurt to have the extra help while she figured out her next move.

Late Thursday, Reid and Emily were settling for the evening with a stack of heavy, thick files and two mugs of hot coffee. Emily was laying out the folders she figured would be the best place to start. Reid came back from his bedroom with the baby in his arms. Madeline was fresh from a diaper change and, Emily couldn't help but notice, was fussing madly in his arms. Her little hands waving and her moans just seconds from turning into screams.

"Is she alright?" Emily asked, glancing over the back to check on them. She knew as much about babies as Reid did a few weeks ago and not much more about carrying for them.

"Yeah," Reid moaned as he brought her over to her carrier. "At least... I think so."

"Maybe she just has colic." Emily suggested as he carefully laid her in her chair, buckling her much more easily than before. "She's about the right age."

Reid lifted her chair to hang on the swinging contraption. As he took a seat next to Emily, he gently pushed her back and forth, setting her at a soothing rock.

"I thought about that and, other than crying, she doesn't have any other symptoms." He said quietly as he watched her fall quiet. "I think it's me... we just can't seem to bond."

"Have you been trying to?" Emily wondered.

"I've been trying to take care of her." Reid said, looking to his friend. "I don't have much experience with this and right now, I'm making that my main concern." He turned back to the baby, who was staring back at him like she knew him. Like she was trying to study him, too. "We hope in time, she and I will be able to form a real connection."

"We?" Emily asked, confused. "You mean... you and the baby?"

He hadn't meant to say that. Reid's hand froze as he realized that had come out. Anyone else, he might have thought of a coverup but he felt he could trust Emily. At least enough not to blatantly lie.

"No, just... someone I've been talking to. You don't know her." He was talking very quickly and decided this would be a good time to get started. He looked to the stack of files she set on his cluttered coffee table. "So, where do we start?"

Emily decided to let it drop for now. Grabbing the three top files, she began. "Okay, I've assembled a list of suspects of people regularly associated with those involved with the organ ring. These three here are the last three people Caroline Bailey interacted with before she turned up missing."

With his free hand, Reid took them. Setting them in his lap, he opened the first one and quickly flipped through to read. "Let me know if anything sounds familiar."

"I doubt it will," Reid answered as he set the first aside and opened the second. "Caroline and I didn't have any contact since we were eighteen until about ten months ago. And that was only for one night. I have no idea what she did the rest of the time." He paused a moment, focusing on a few of the details. "I bet this was her boss."

Emily reached over to see the name on the second file. "Yes, Bradley Odell. He owns a diner in Connecticut Heights, but was arrested for drug dealing two months ago."

"Connecticut Heights," Reid said in a partial whisper. Emily watched him curiously and he clarified. "The night I ran into Caroline, I went to a bar in Connecticut Heights. I'd never been there before, but... she said that was her home away from her."

That was something. "Did you ever go back?"

After a hesitant pause, he shook his head. "It wasn't my regular scene. After that night, I started to feel like my old self again. And besides..." he hesitated a moment, ashamed. "I was too afraid I'd run into her again."

Emily gave a scoff as she reached for her coffee. "Please, Reid, if I had a nickle for every one night stand I regretted..."

She trailed off as she took a sip. It was an attempt to lighten the tension, but all it did was make her feel awkward. Ever since she'd come back to DC, she'd been trying to keep her mind on her work, but getting more and more involved with her old friends was making it difficult. It wouldn't be long before everyone knew she was home. Everyone.

Setting her coffee down, she got back on track. "Odell wasn't associated with this ring. Organ trafficking is a bit more of a sophisticated trade. Almost White Collar. But, Odell was one of the last people who spoke to Caroline before she vanished. I went to the corrections department to speak with him about her disappearance. He was vague, but gave me enough information to suspect Caroline had been murdered."

"You suspected him?" Reid inquired.

"His story was Caroline came by to get her last check, although she never told anyone it would be her last. She never said she wasn't coming back to work, even talked to a few of the other waitresses about going out for drinks the next night." Emily explained.

"Is it possible she didn't know about the baby yet?" Reid wondered.

"It's possible, but I believe, she was putting a show for the traffickers." Theorized Emily. "They must have looked for her when she disappeared, odds are they asked her coworkers. Which brings me to another witness."

As she spoke she pulled the third file from Reid's lap, flipping it open. "David Miller, a former DC cop who vanished when his connection to the trafficking ring was discovered. We suspect he went underground."

"He was a cop," Reid asked as he grabbed the file, the better to see it. He was stunned.

"He worked in Narcotics, which I think is what got him involved with the ring." Emily explained. "There are so many more dirty cops than any of us care to admit, and they make money in dozens of different ways. Miller might have gotten in touch with the organ ring while working on a case and saw how much there was to offer in these transplants. The ringleaders would have been thrilled with a little police protection."

Reid glanced up in question. "And he saw Caroline before she disappeared, too?"

"As far as we know. We got a hold of his phone records and she made a call to him just three hours after picking up her check at the diner. It lasted for a total of three minutes and it was the last call her phone made." She said.

He thought for a moment. "If he was as deeply involved with the ring as you say, there's no way he knew she was running."

"I don't think so, either." She agreed. "I think he was giving her instructions for another job. For when, I don't know."

"So that just leaves..." Reid opened the first folder again. "Sam Gregson. Have you spoken to him?"

"He's in the wind as well." Emily explained. "He was also a part of the ring, but I believe he had the same connection as Caroline. Possibly owing a debt to them as well. I'm trying to find if he needed a transplant like she did, but I haven't had much luck yet."

"Hmm," Reid wondered. "I know someone who could help you find that."

With slightly pursed lips, Emily shook her head. "I thought about that, and, while Garcia's assistance would make things much easier, I have no right to get the BAU involved."

"Why not?" Reid wondered.

"Because I don't have justification to bring all of you in. I'm taking a big enough chance working with you and Rossi." Emily announced.

"You could at least tell the rest of the team you're in town." Reid argued. "You're not that busy."

"Busy enough," she said quickly. "And that's not the point. The point I'm trying to get at is I believe Sam Gregson was the last person to speak to Caroline before she disappeared."

Reid questioned, "Why do you believe that?"

She explained. "Because her cell phone was found in his abandoned car. There were also fibers of her hair on the passenger head rest. She had to have been in the car with him. Maybe he even helped her get away."

"So he helped her disappear and then vanished himself because he knew he'd get in trouble by helping her escape with, what the traffickers would say, a stolen heart." Reid suggested.

Nodding, Emily agreed. "That's what I think. One of these two men could give us the information we need, but Miller's in too deep and Gregson's too far gone. These can't be our only options."

"Gregson would be a better shot, but since I'm here working this myself, I don't have much of a means to track him down." She shook her head.

"Don't you have a team back in London?" Reid wondered.

"The Interpol team doesn't exactly work like our team always did." Emily was suddenly avoiding his eyes. "I don't even know if team is the appropriate word."

Perhaps Reid would have bought that had her hand not suddenly flown up. Her fingernails absentmindedly landed in her mouth and she bit down hard, chewing nervously.

"Emily, what's wrong?" He asked, worried.

"Nothing's wrong," She replied. It was easier to talk when she was looking at the baby. That sweet little baby who could never judge anyone. Her eyes were starting to close as she continued glide through the air. "It's just... I don't know... I didn't think it would take this long to adjust. I mean, I've worked in Interpol before... maybe I just assumed that part of my life was over and it's been hard going back."

He was sure he heard a plea for help there, even if it were just a small one. He didn't want to push his friend into anything, though, no matter how much he missed her.

"Are you unhappy?" He asked.

She certainly wasn't happy, that was for sure. "I don't know. I feel very lost right now, Reid. I have not felt right since I came back from Paris. I told Morgan many months ago that ever since then, it's felt like an uphill battle. But even when I tried to move on, it still feels like I'm fighting. And that scares me because now I really don't know what is I want."

Suddenly, he felt deflated. Sinking back in his seat, he shook his head. "I'm sorry... I wish I knew how to help you. Is there anything I can do?"

With a kind smile, Emily reached over to brush his arm. "You just keep being the wonderful friend you've always been, Handsome."

Normally, Reid would smile at a comment like that. He might blush a little, but he'd be flattered at his friend's compliment, never drawing attention to it. This time, however, he shifted uncomfortably, and inched away from her a bit. "I'm... not handsome."

Stunned, "Yes, you are, Reid. And any girl who doesn't think so is no girl you want to be involved with. Trust me."

It didn't make him feel better. In fact, he looked as if he were about to be sick. Had a knock not sounded on his door at that moment, Emily would have dived more into this and find out what the problem was.

Jumping up, Reid went to answer the door, unsure who it might be. He had a hope, but that was dashed as he checked the peephole.

"It's Morgan," Reid said, glancing at Emily.

She was surprised, still under the impression they were on a case as Reid believed. She wasn't sure what to say, but if he didn't answer the door, there'd be a lot of explaining to do.

"He's probably just here to check on me." Reid said as he undid the latch. Once it was released, he opened the door.

"Hey," Reid said, blocking the inside from view. "I didn't think you guys were back from Nashua yet."

"We got back this afternoon." Morgan answered, waiting to be invited inside, but Reid wasn't moving. Suspicious, he asked. "What's going on?"

"Nothing," Reid shrugged. "We're fine."

"Who were you talking to?" Morgan wondered, trying to take a step closer. He spoke with an accusing matter, yet highly amused.

Hesitating a moment, he shrugged. "Madeline."

"Madeline?" He wondered. "Awe, that's nice, having a little conversation with your daughter. And was that Madeline I heard talking back?"

Reid closed his eyes, caught in a lie. He took a deep breath. "It's not what you think."

"Oh, come on, kid!" Morgan exclaimed with delight. Reid's lack of strength was no match for the man as he forced open the door. "I just want to meet her! Give me a chance to say... hello..."

He trailed off, however, as he stepped in and spotted not a stranger, but the familiar face of Emily Prentiss. Nervous, Emily got to her feet, trying to hide her delight at seeing her long time partner and most trusted friend after so long.

"Prentiss?" He asked, wanting to be sure.

"Hey," she said with uncertainty.

He stared at her for the longest time, as if trying to process this whole thing together. For a moment, he looked back at Reid, hoping to find some answers there.

"This isn't..." He started, eyeing him suspiciously.

"No, Morgan," Reid answered, slightly offended. He wasn't sure why he was so bothered by that, but he was. There was nothing wrong with Emily, she was a beautiful, wonderful person... but she was nothing compared to Maeve.

Emily was a little confused, but forgot about it for a moment as Morgan walked over to her. The silence was broken by nothing but the uncomfortable grumbles coming from where the baby was nestled.

"Then what are you doing here?" He questioned, rather accusingly.

She wasn't sure if he was angry or just caught off guard. Trying to lighten the attitude, Emily smiled while folding her arms across her chest. "After four months, that's the best hello I get? You seemed happier when you were saying goodbye last summer."

A moment passed and Morgan gave a small smile. "I don't mean this isn't a nice surprise, Prentiss." He reached over to pull her into a hug. "It's good to see you, I missed you."

Her eyes fell closed as she held her dear friend in return. Reid watched how relaxed she was in his arms, clinging to him like they were about to part forever. Watching that with her reluctant confession told Reid all he needed to know. Emily might not have been happy back in the FBI, but she wasn't happy now, either.

As they parted, Morgan asked again. "What are you doing here?"

"I'm working on a case," she explained. "I've, uh... I've been back in DC for a few weeks now trying to gather evidence on an organ trafficking ring. I was going to tell you guys I was here in a week or two, but work was my first priority."

He glanced at Reid, "Does anyone else know you're here besides Daddy Dearest?"

"Rossi knows," she said with a laugh. "He told me how our sweet little Reid's got a little one of his own. I couldn't believe it until I saw it for myself."

Reid opened his mouth to retaliate, but Madeline beat him to it. Her annoyed grunts and grumbles turned into a wailing cry, filling the whole room.

"No, no, no, don't cry!" Reid pleaded as he rushed back to his seat. He urgently began pushing the swing again, but even that wasn't enough to ease her now. "Madeline, it's alright... don't cry."

"What's the matter, little angel?" Morgan asked as he stepped over. "Was Daddy ignoring you?"

Reid shot him a dirty look, his heart pounding a bit as her cries became more desperate. It wasn't time to eat yet and he'd just changed her. What could be bothering her so much.

"Hey," Morgan said as he patted his shoulder. "Would it be alright if I held her?"

Reid nodded and unbuckled her seat for him. Despite regular phone calls, Morgan hadn't been by since he and JJ left together over a week ago. Reid wasn't so bothered by Morgan's lack of assistance. Like Emily, his experience with children was limited. He wouldn't have been much of an assistance, anyway.

Yet, he watched his friend reach in and carefully lift the infant from her place and realized even Morgan was better at this than he. He eased the tiny baby into his arms were she nestled in perfectly, fitting it the crook of his arm. As he bounced her gingerly, her cries began to quiet, and soon Madeline was cooing softly.

"Oh, what a little princess." He grinned, smiling down at the baby. "Do you remember me? I'm you're Uncle Derek... yeah, you got bigger since the last time I saw you."

Reid watched silently as the two seemed to instantly bond. She murmured contentedly as her little hand reached up to him. This man who, to her, was all but a stranger.

Sensing he was being watched, Morgan looked up. "What is it, kid?"

He couldn't bring himself to say it; his envy and jealousy that every person he'd seen could connect and comfort her except her own father. He trusted Maeve's advice, that in enough time the two would bond, but it was hard to be patient when seeing how easily it came to just about everyone else in the world.

"She seems to like you," Reid mentioned with a catch in his voice, his gaze falling away. It wasn't just frustrating anymore. It was downright painful.

With concern, Emily questioned, "Are you okay, Reid?"

"I'm fine," he answered. "Just a little hungry. I'll grab the Chinese menu so we can order some take out."

At that, he slipped away, disappearing into the kitchen. Morgan watched him with worry for a moment before looking back to his former partner. "He's helping you on the case?"

"Long story." Emily said with a wave of her hand. "So what are you doing here, anyway?"

"Oh." Morgan slowly sat down on the opposite couch, careful not to jostle the baby too much. "JJ asked me to stop by and check on him. She wouldn't go into details, but I think they had a fight the other day."

"Well, he's just under a lot of stress." She said, reclaiming her seat. "I don't envy what he's going through. If I got stuck raising a baby alone... I don't know what I'd do."

He couldn't help but chuckle. "I'm not so sure he's been completely 'alone'."

Intrigued, "What do you mean?"

With a smirk, Morgan looked to her. Leaning closer, he lowered his voice and replied in a playful tone. "I think Pretty Boy's got a girlfriend."

No surprise, her jaw instantly dropped. Sitting back, Morgan chuckled, pleased at her response. "Are you serious?" She asked.

"I don't know much about the details, but we were working on a case a few weeks ago. Reid asked Garcia to track down a payphone for him where he proceeded to call a mysterious young woman. I don't know what they talked about, but when he got back to the precinct, he had a major epiphany."

"She must be some girl!" She exclaimed. "Anyone who can keep up with Reid's mind."

"That's what I said. He wouldn't give me much details, but I've started to notice a few things out of place about him. Before the baby, he would show up to work in an almost calm attitude, not fidgety like we're used to. And I've caught him daydreaming more than a few times during the day. Plus, we were in New York a few weeks ago and he slipped out early in the morning. His claim was he was he went for a run. Now, I'm not so sure if that's true, but he went out to do something and if he was running, I can only guess why he has so much energy."

"Oh my God!" Emily hissed, checking behind to make sure they were alone. Safe, she spoke in a hushed tone. "I was here last Sunday with Rossi. He asked us to watch Madeline for about an hour while he slipped out. A half hour after he said he'd be back, he returned with pink cheeks and a pretty bright smile on his face."

"He must have went to see her." Morgan speculated. "She must be pretty special."

"Yeah, well, if she cares about him so much, why isn't she here helping him with the baby?" She questioned. She remembered Reid's previous comment, he and someone else having theories about his bonding with Madeline. Obviously, she knew about the baby. She even cared enough to help him. So then where was she?

"There's a lot more to this than we can figure out on our own." Morgan said, looking down at the baby again. She gave a little yawn and was finally starting to drift off, at last feeling at ease.

Reid came back in with a pamphlet in hand, passing it to Emily. "This new place just went in five blocks away. It's pretty good."

"Thanks, Reid." She said giving an all too innocent smile. Reid was suspicious, but ignored it for now, reaching for his coffee.

"What's with all the files?" Morgan wondered, eyeing the substantial stack along with the scattered three on the coffee table. "A little light reading or are these bedtime stories for your baby genius, here?"

"Reid's been helping me with a case." Emily quickly explained. "He, uh... has a bit of a connection with one of the members of the organ ring, he's offered to help me."

Reid was grateful at her discretion. As far as he was concerned, Morgan could think Madeline was the result of a one night stand for the rest of his life. The last thing he wanted to do was divulge not only the truth about Caroline Bailey, but that she was an organ trafficker as well.

"Why on Earth would I read her bedtime stories, anyway?" Reid wondered, bewildered. "Madeline doesn't even know her own name yet, she wouldn't understand a story."

Morgan gently brushed the baby's tummy as he glanced up at Reid. "It's not about understanding a story, Reid, it helps create a connection between a parent and a child." He smiled nostalgically, remembering, "Some of my earliest memories are of my dad putting me to bed. He'd be so tired from his tour, but he always made time to read me a bedtime story and tuck me in. I can't remember most of those books, but I'll never forget the way I felt... just being with my dad."

Reid could relate to that, remembering the books and poems his mother used to read to him. Even before he could understand the Elizabethan English or foreign languages, he enjoyed listening to her words. The tone of her voice and the gentle pattern the stories created. Even today, reading those old tales made him feel comforted, even safe... there was definitely some truth there.

"That may be, but I certainly wouldn't read these to any child." Reid said lightly, grabbing for the first folder on top of the stack.

His face fell however as he opened the to the first page. His eyes landed on the picture clip to the top, and the bottom fell out of his stomach.

Emily watched him as he stared at the file. Not wanting to draw any attention, he flipped it closed and tossed it aside. "Let me know what you guys decide." He said as he stood up, and walked around the couch, disappearing down the hall.

"What's going on?" Morgan demanded, gravely concerned.

"I think he's just tired." Emily said, standing up. She wasn't sure what the story was here, but until she knew otherwise, she wouldn't be the one to betray his confidence. "I'll make sure he's okay."

With that, she followed him to the back of the apartment. His bedroom door was all but closed and Emily pushed it open a bit, poking her head in.

Reid was sitting on the edge of his bed, his face blank. She stepped inside and closed the door softly, giving them some privacy.

She was quiet as she came over to sit on the bed, right beside him. Her hand brushed his and it seemed to rouse him, hearing him take a deep breath.

"I guess I was still hoping it wasn't her." He admitted, hanging his head. "I'm not surprised she was a part of this, but..."

"I know," Emily said as his voice faded.

"I know you see her as a suspect, as a criminal, but... she was my friend." Reid turned to her, pleading with his eyes to understand. "She was a good person, and she's one of the few people in the world who saw me... like you see me."

Emily replied, "I believe you... if she was so important to you, I'm sure she was a wonderful person."

"It's still hard to believe she's dead... let alone was caught up in this." He continued, shaking his head. "She looked just like I remembered... except, she wasn't smiling in that picture. Her hair was the same. Blazing red... and those piercing green eyes that could read me almost as well as my mother could. She was the same girl who used to climb into my bedroom window... who laughed with me and cried with me and I trusted with my deepest feelings."

Finding Emily watching him, listening intently, he swallowed hard. "I'm sorry, I'm just finding it hard to let her go."

"Reid, I promise you, we will find what happened." Emily swore. "It's the least we can do."

With a shake of his head, Reid replied. "No."

"No?" Emily questioned.

"I don't want to settle for the least I can do. Caroline was sick. She was more than likely going to die, and people become desperate in those situations. You and I have both been in similar circumstances. More than once, yet unlike us, Caroline didn't know how to handle it. These criminals fed on her fear for their own greed. How many other victims fell to them in the same manner? Most of which probably didn't live nearly as long as Caroline." He paused for a moment, his throat feeling a little tight. "This is more than finding out why Caroline ran away with Madeline; we have to bring an end to these people, by any means necessary."

Emily had to ask, "I'm not going to deny that I like your determination, or that I wouldn't want your help... but are you sure your head's in the right place about this? I don't know what went on with you and Caroline, but are you sure it's not some displaced feelings or unfinished business?"

"No," he answered without hesitation. "This is the right thing to do. These people need to be stopped. If they'd been caught sooner... who knows what might have happened. Caroline might not have been so afraid to come to me for help, she might have been able to even get a new heart. I may not be a proper father, but I can at least bring justice to the mother of my child."

He was unsure about a lot of things at the moment, but for the first time in weeks, Reid felt like he'd taken back a bit of control.


	12. Bubble Baths and Bedtime Stories

Reid took a sip of his mint tea which had long since turned cold. He barely noticed, though. Right now, he was enjoying the rare window of silence as the baby slept in her crib. The whole time, his mind had a single focus, unable to waver.

With his mismatched stocking feet propped on the coffee table, he laid the brown folder on his lap, reading the contents over and over. _Name: Bailey, Caroline. DOB: 08/08/1980. Birthplace: Las Vegas, Nevada. Last Known Residence: 78 Lakefront Blvd. Apt 8, Washington DC 20065. Current Location: Unknown._

He read every detail Interpol had collected on her. Her time in New York which lead to her supposed involvement with the organ ring, ultimately leading to her disappearance. He recognized Emily's handwriting; her notes explaining her suspicion she to be dead. Lastly, there was a note of her connection with... Seres.

Seres. That was all it said. There were no more details or clues as to what that referred to. Perhaps a person, like the leader of the traffickers. Or maybe a group of them. It could even refer to a company name or just a code for some sort of project. Whatever it was, it was important. He dove through the other files Emily left him and found the majority of them also were associated with Seres... some were even suspected to be killed by it. It could be a clue to what drove Caroline away... if only he knew more.

His eyes were tired of studying, and they landed once again on the photograph clipped to the flap. Reid felt like he was staring right at her again. Boy, he wished he were. He had a lot of things he wanted to say to her... and they were eating them up inside.

"Why didn't you come to me?" He demanded, as if the picture could answer back. "Didn't you trust me? I would have helped you, even if you were in trouble. You didn't tell me you were sick, you didn't tell me about our daughter... you didn't have to go through this alone!"

He longed so much for her to hear this. If he had one more chance to talk to her, though... as much as he wanted answers, he'd forgo them to take the chance to say goodbye. To tell his friend how much she always meant to him... that for a time, she was the most important person in his life and he was sorry. Sorry he had given up on her... and that he would always love her.

Reid was so lost in his thoughts, the shriek of the baby made him jump. He clutched the file, crinkling the papers inside as he checked back down the corridor. Madeline was up and she needed attention. It was starting again.

Tossing the file aside, he stood and started down the hall, all the while fighting the urge to turn and run out the door.

Madeline was crying wildly as Reid finally walked in. Her hands flailed in front of her, her chubby pink face was scrunched up tight as she wailed louder and louder, along with her legs kicking about. She'd probably be mildly dangerous were she taller than two feet.

Without a word, Reid reached inside the bars to lift her out. She didn't fight his hold on her, but it didn't exactly fill her with relief that her needs were about to be meet. Reid took a moment to settle her in his arms, cradling her as safely as possible. The helpless feeling of being in his stiff embrace just made her feel worse. Reid wasn't even sure why he tried to make her feel safe and comfortable. It was a lost cause by now.

He knew she had to be hungry, so Reid brought her into the kitchen. He couldn't make her bottle and cradle her at the same time. He laid her in her bouncy chair. Usually, it was enough to ease her for a little bit, but not tonight. She just continued to cry.

"Okay, okay," Reid gave a wave in her direction as he headed for the counter. "I'm making it, just hang on."

Water never warmed so slowly. Lucky enough Madeline liked her formula at room temperature anyway, but even water out of the tap was too cold. He had to wait until it was just the right heat and tonight, with the shrill screams piercing into his head so sharply, he was starting to feel the return of his migraines. No wonder.

At last, it was ready, and he poured it carefully into a bottle with powder settled on the bottom. Screwing on the cap, he shook it up vigorously for almost a minute, then proceeded to test the temp one more time on his wrist. Satisfied, he headed for the table and, per JJ's instructions, brought her into his arms.

Settling in there again made Madeline wiggle uncomfortably. She did not want to be here, in this place that felt like she was laying on a flat wooden board. She moaned and spurted uncomfortably. Reid just rolled his eyes, reclaiming the bottle. "Come on, the sooner you eat this, the sooner I can put you back to bed. It's what we both want, isn't it?"

Instantly, he felt guilty for snapping at her. He had said himself that he was going to try harder... but after days of no results, it was just too hard. Reid couldn't keep up his determination forever, especially when she couldn't seem to respond to his efforts. Lately, their rounds of feeding and changing were a process of going through the motions. Reid was even dreading the sight of her anymore.

Lifting the bottle, he offered it to her by placing it in her mouth, but she wouldn't take it. Madeline simply made a face and wiggled out of it's reach. Ugh, not this again. They were doing so much better with feeding, it was the one thing he could do, even if she didn't like to be held. Now they were back at square one? That wasn't fair!

"Come on," Reid demanded again in a low tone, shoving the rubber nipple into her mouth again. He groaned bitterly as she acted the same way, refusing to eat. Carefully, he shifted her so as to test the heat of it one more time. No, he knew this was the way she liked it. She just didn't want to eat.

He made one more attempt. This time when she refused, her screams grew louder. "Fine," said through gritted teeth. He disposed of the bottle onto the table, slamming it down with such force it fell over. Drip by drip, the formula began to leak out, but it was the least of his concerns right now.

Picking her up, he rested her on his shoulder to check her diaper. Now, it wasn't wet or full, she was fine. She didn't need a change, she wasn't hungry... what else was there in her little life?

There was no rhyme or reason why Madeline should be so upset, but this wasn't a matter she was taking lightly. Having no idea what to do, Reid laid her back in his arms and stood with her, hoping some time to think would help him figure out what to do.

Over and over, he carried her around the living room, the whole time trying to rock her back to sleep. The minutes blurred into hours and his grievances built with it. Yet, even with his frustrations building, he remained gentle with her. The last thing he'd want to do was shake her so badly it hurt her.

But nothing was working. She just kept crying. And crying and crying and crying. The screams were louder and sharper; Reid's ears were ringing from the constant sheer volume. He wasn't sure how much more he could take.

As he sunk onto the couch, he laid the baby on his lap, staring down at her. The strain was evident on his face and he looked to her desperately, as if in some way she could understand.

"Madeline!" He called at her over her calls. "Please, Madeline, you can't keep screaming, you have to be quiet!"

It did not good, she just kept screeching. He sat back, with his head on the back of the couch, staring up at the ceiling. What was he going to do? Maybe he could try feeding her again? No... and bouncing her and walking with her were doing no good. He was even considering breaking down and calling Hotch or even JJ, but what if they wouldn't help him? If their only advice was to keep trying, assuring him he'd eventually get it.

But he wasn't getting it. He was so furious, he could scream. On the verge of a break down, he sat up again, his eyes filling with tears as he looked down to the frantically shrieking baby.

"Madeline!" He called louder, lifting her up carefully with his hands. "Madeline, please, I don't know what you want!" With his eyes squeeze tight, a few tears leaked out, and with all his might he admitted. "I don't know how to help you..."

He'd finally said it. He was completely lost and had no idea how to comfort his own child. He may as well shout it loud enough for the entire world to hear... Spencer Reid was a bad father... a few hours ago he felt like he'd finally gotten some of his life back, but now it was crazier than it had ever been.

_... when I feel anxious and out of control, or I just can't sleep, there's nothing like a long hot bath that soothes me. I can't explain it, but just a little while submersed in soapy lavender water puts my mind at ease..._

Emily's words floated to the top of his memory and Reid's eyes suddenly snapped open as he came to an idea. What about a bath? He'd spent the last two weeks keeping her clean, washing her up when she soiled her diaper and making sure the mounds of clothes she dirtied every day went through a round in the wash, but he'd never given her an actual bath. Maybe she'd like one.

If memory served - and his nearly always did - among the supplies JJ had bought was a bottle of lavender baby shampoo. It was supposed to be soothing for babies and it just might be the trick he needed to calm her down. Truly, it couldn't hurt.

Quickly, Reid scooped up Madeline as best he could and hurried to get ready. There was no time to waste.

* * *

Madeline was still going strong with her cries as she bounced in her chair. Thank goodness most of his neighbors were elderly heavy sleepers. They couldn't exactly come to his door and threaten him if he didn't shut her up.

It took over a half hour to get ready because Reid didn't want to take any chances. One tiny mistake could be deadly. A towel was laid out in ready, along with a few others folded nearby and a couple of clean diapers for afterward. It took some time to find the baby shampoo, unsure where JJ had left it, but at long last it was located. Finally, Reid was taking his time getting the water ready. It was filling in the kitchen sink slowly. With a thermometer, he tested the heat, getting it to just the right warmth. Just as the book instructed, he dipped his elbow in to see how it would settle on his skin. Much too cold for himself, but perfect for a delicate baby. Okay, everything was ready.

He turned back to Madeline nervously. He was unsure if he could do this, but he wasn't going to take the time to second guess. If he didn't try, who knows how long this would go on... and besides, he was supposed to be taking care of her. He should be able to give the baby a bath. And being afraid wasn't helping anyone, especially her.

Carefully, he unbuckled the strap and lifted her up. Reid brought the squirming infant over to the counter where he slowly started to undo her clothes. She was already squirming from his touch, like she were determined to get away. He just hoped he'd be able to hold onto her in the soapy water.

Once her onzie was off, he carefully removed her diaper and set it aside, picking her up. He remembered what each of the books said. All had a lot of conflicting advice, but most of the basics remained the same, including about the first bath.

Supporting her as best he could, Reid lowered Madeline carefully into the sink. The first to touch the water were her feet and he allowed her a moment to experience it. The liquid might just as well have been a potion, because the first touch of water was so unexpected, it quieted her. Her cries turned to whimpers and moans, too curious to continue her crying right now.

What was a relief was Madeline didn't seemed scared of the water, as the books suggested she might be. Indeed, he watched her toes wiggle underneath the surface, getting a real feel for the wetness on her skin. Reid didn't even realize he was smiling, taking the opportunity to lower the rest of her in.

The water settled right at her hips and Reid sat her down. It seemed Madeline had completely forgotten what had been bothering her in the first place, if she even knew. Suddenly she was caught up in a whole new adventure and was taking the opportunity to fully experience it.

"There we go," Reid smiled, getting a protective but gentle grip on her. Leaning down, he kept one arm wrapped around her to keep her steady, the other at the ready in case she needed extra protection. The free hand reached in to cup a handful of water, bringing it up to trickle down her chest and belly.

He was amazed when she looked down to watch. It didn't seem to bother her, so Reid tried it again a few more times. He smiled as she watched. If he didn't know better, he'd say she was enjoying this. "This is nice, huh? A nice warm bath."

He reached for the shampoo and flicked it open without thinking, his eyes remaining on the baby. A ribbon of purple soap squirted into the water and Reid sloshed it around to make suds. They rose to the surface, turning the warm water into a delicately scented foam.

This bath could have been done quickly, as it had been Reid's initial intention. Now, though, he realized how much Madeline was enjoying it, as if this had been what she'd been trying to ask for all along. He wanted to give her as much time as possible. The bubbles floated over her pudgy little legs. Her feet peaking up out of the water as her toes continued to wiggle.

In turn, Reid found he was enjoying watching her. This shouldn't be so entertaining, but he couldn't help the grin that had formed on his face. It was the first time she didn't seem upset with him, nor happy with someone else... it was a new and exciting feeling, and he was enjoying the experience just as much as she was.

Having an idea, he reached to take gingerly take her little wrist in hand. Patting on the water with it, he showed her how to splash. Little waves of the soapy water flapped around her and sloshed on her legs. She loved the effect so much, a giggle erupted through her.

"You like that?" Reid asked, having never heard her giggle before. He helped her splash a few more times, getting the same response. "I know how you feel... I like bubble baths, too."

He didn't want the water to get cold. Before too long, he took a cotton cloth and started to wash her, allowing the bubbles to soap her skin. She didn't seem the least bit upset anymore, cooing and gibbering as she played in the water, allowing her father to wash her. Neither one was bothered or annoyed or stubbornly agitated. It was the first time they really could appreciate each other's company.

He made sure she was rinsed before lifting the wet baby out of the water. She wiggled a bit, but relaxed as Reid laid her on the towel, wrapping it around her to help her dry.

She continued to giggle as he dried her carefully, her big eyes looking up to him with interest. It was really the first time she was able to see him. He'd been so overwhelmed since the minute he found out about her, he hadn't even taken the time to really get to know her. She was just a baby... and maybe he was making this out to be harder than it was.

Still wrapped in her fluffy towel, Reid lifted her into his arms. He was prepared for the worst now, for the calm to fade and her usual discomfort to set in, but it didn't happen. The weight of her sunk into his arms and she settled there comfortably. It was like a complicated magic trick he had finally mastered, and it was better than any slight of hand. Finally, he was holding his baby and she was happy here. Those big green eyes of hers continued to stare up at him... he swore almost affectionately.

He didn't want her to get a chill though, and after a few moments proceeded to get her diapered and dressed. A warm yellow pair of pajamas with a cows and moons patterned all over it. Why cows and moons were so appealing to babies, he wasn't sure, but she was comfortable. Once she was ready, he cradled her again. He couldn't stop the stupid smile on his face as he did again. Madeline fell naturally into his arms, held both gently, but protectively. At last, she felt safe here.

"You must be hungry," Reid said, going to fetch her bottle from where he abandoned it on the table nearly an hour earlier. It had cooled slightly as he tested it, but still warm enough to eat.

He nearly cried out a triumphant 'yes' as he offered her the top and she took it at once, sucking down greedily. For weeks they struggled trying to get along, yet in just a little bit of time and the slightest bit of real effort, they'd broken down barriers that had towered over them from the start, threatening to crush them both... now they seemed so small, they could have just walked over them.

Reid brought her back to the living room, preparing to walk around with her again. Her eyes were looking around excitedly as she continued to drink down her bottle. He looked as well, spotting the wooden rocking chair Hotch had leant him... the very one he nostalgically remembered was where he sat with Jack after first bringing him home.

He hadn't even sat there yet, let alone with Madeline. Slowly, he walked over with her and eased himself onto the wooden seat. It curved back as they sat, smoothly rolling back and forth on the runners. It was comfortable and a lot more soothing than he thought.

"There we go," He smiled at her. This was unbelievable. He'd never gone this long caring for her without there being some kind of incident, which ultimately would disturb her beyond hope, leading into hours of miserable crying. She was calm and quiet and... genuinely okay being with him. Not just okay, she was happy. Funny enough, he was happy with her.

Reid was starting to realize what his friends were talking about all along. This wasn't so bad, it had just taken time. He should learn to have more patience, she was just a baby.

"Yeah... but I think you liked giving me a hard time." He grumbled playfully as he smiled down at her. "Didn't you, Madeline? Just a little?"

He paused a moment as he considered that... Madeline. He hadn't gotten a say in what her name should be... it wasn't a bad name. Unique, but a bit formal.

"It's such a big name for such a small baby." Reid said with a smile. He couldn't take his eyes off her, and in turn she continued to stare right back at him. He sensed she could understand what he was saying. Not his words so much... more what he was feeling. And now that he was happy and calm, so was she.

"How about a nickname?" He suggested. He remembered how personal it felt to be called 'Spence' by JJ. It really made him feel accepted. Madeline couldn't appreciate that feeling in her young age, but it might help Reid connect to her more.

He thought for a moment before he smiled, suggesting "Maddie?" He waited to see how the name sounded. It was nice, playful with the right amount of affection. He nodded, "Maddie... yeah, I like it. Maddie."

She finished her bottle and he set it aside. He tossed an extra cloth over his shoulder, lifting her against him. After a moment and some gentle caresses, she burped loudly and he brought her back into his arms.

"There we go," he said again, easing her into his embrace. Yes, this was much easier now. Why couldn't he just do this in the first place? He stared down at her in awe, almost like she were completely different to the monster he brought home. She wasn't a monster, she was just a helpless baby... and she needed her father.

"I guess I ought to put you back in your crib." He suggested, and suddenly regretted it. He felt an urge, like something was forcing them both to stay here. Reid wanted to stay... for just a little while longer, at least.

"Or not," he answered, continuing to rock her. Her eyes were wide, still focused on him. She needed something else to ease her off to sleep though.

First, he thought her pacifier, but the closest one was on the coffee table. He didn't want to disturb her, but what else could he do?

_...It's not about understanding a story, Reid, it helps create a connection between a parent and a child... I can't remember most of those books, but I'll never forget the way I felt... just being with my dad..._

There was some truth in that. His mother read books to him since before he could form memories, and what he could recall from his childhood, those were some of the most precious moments. No one could understand how important it was to him. There were a lot of great stories to choose from, but if Caroline were here now, he knew what her suggestion would be.

He cleared his throat and recited, remembering it from many years ago. "In an old house in Paris that was covered with vines lived twelve little girls in two straight lines. In two straight lines, they broke their bread, they brushed their teeth and went to bed."

He continued to rock slowly, the delicate motion and the soothing roll of her father's voice composed her. "They left the house at half past nine in two straight lines in rain or shine... the smallest one..." He smiled lovingly down at her, "...was Madeline."

Madeline - or Maddie, as it were now - was starting to drift off. Reid suddenly found himself hypnotized by her again, like she had him under a spell. He continued to rock her, reciting the story to her perfectly as she finally fell asleep. He couldn't think of a single place he'd rather be.

* * *

This had gone on long enough. She had never been in this long a fight with Reid before, not even when he exploded at her after Emily came back. At least this time, she didn't think his anger was warranted... if only she could get him to see that.

JJ stopped by early the next morning before work. She hurried up to the second floor, taking a deep breath as she approached his door. For a moment, she leaned up to the door and listened, wondering if this was a good idea right now. If the baby were asleep for once, she didn't want to disturb her. Reid would certainly be furious.

Pressing her ear up to the door, she listened. There definitely wasn't crying, but there wasn't silence either. Straining her ears, she struggled to make sense of it. There was soft voice talking, like Reid was in mid conversation with someone... was he talking to Madeline? No, that couldn't be right.

There was no other explanation for it, though. She had to see this. JJ rang the bell and stood back, waiting. Her heart pounded with each second that passed; what was going on in there?

Finally, the latch was undone and slowly, the door inched opened. Reid stood in the opening, taken aback at the sight of his friend standing there. After a week of not seeing her.

"Hi," Reid said in amazement.

"Hey," JJ replied. She was just as taken aback herself, spotting the little baby in his arms as he gave her an orange rubber pacifier. "I, uh... I just wanted to check on you."

"Didn't Morgan tell you?" He wondered. "He said you sent him by last night."

"I did... and he did, but... I wanted to see you for myself." She insisted, looking over Madeline as if she might not be the same baby. She was so quiet, JJ wouldn't have been surprised if it were a doll in his arms.

"Oh," he answered and looked down to the baby, stepping away. She at first believed he was giving her the cold shoulder, until he added "Come in, there's coffee in the kitchen."

She didn't want coffee, but she definitely wanted to come in. JJ entered and closed the door, following him into his living room. Reid went back to the rocking chair, sitting down carefully.

"So how is she?" JJ questioned, her heels clicking with each step on the hardwood floor.

"Pretty good, I'd say," he said with a soft expression as he glanced up. "It's been a rough couple of weeks, but... I think I'm getting the hang of it now."

"Oh, yeah," JJ leaned down next to the chair, the better to see the baby, who looked absolutely at peace.

"Yeah," Reid nodded. "Last night, I think I made some progress. She was really fussy, so I gave her a bath and then she had her bottle and I rocked her to sleep." He looked to her with a bit of an embarrassed smile. "I didn't even realize how long we spent here until the doorbell rang. She just seemed so peaceful, I liked just sitting here with her... talking with her. I know she can't talk back, but... I don't know, it felt like we had a connection. I know that's silly."

JJ was stunned and delighted at the same time. Reid wasn't sure why until she grinned, "Spence... you did it."

"Did what?" He asked.

"You bonded with her!" She exclaimed.

He was confused a moment, unsure if he heard her right. Sure, they'd gotten along... but it had only been one night. That wasn't enough time to form a real bond.

"Are you sure?" He asked, glancing between her and the baby.

"I can see it with my own eyes." She beamed at him. "You certainly weren't this comfortable the last time I was here... you were on the verge of throwing a tantrum that would rival my four-year-old."

Reid cringed a bit. "Yeah, I'm sorry about... I was just frustrated."

"It's okay. Believe me, Spence. I have been there." JJ assured, patting his arm. "When I first brought Henry home, I was a wreck. I did have it a little easier because I gave birth to him, but it was still a huge change. I was a first time mom with no idea how to comfort my screaming child. Not to mention the dozens of hormones still raging through my system. Will came home from a tour one night and found me sobbing in the bathroom because I kept ripping the diapers... just like you did on your first try."

He looked away, turning back to Maddie. She made him feel stronger for some reason, like saying this didn't feel as vulnerable as it normally would. "I really didn't think I could do this... but maybe I was wrong. It's not so bad taking care of her... and Maddie and I might get along better now."

She paused a moment before inquiring, "Maddie?"

"Yeah," he looked up with a smile. "I thought she could use a nickname... like you gave to me."

With a smile, JJ reached up to tousle his hair. "I'm really proud of you, Spence. I knew you could do it."

He blushed slightly. "Thank you."

She grinned, giving one more brush to his cheek. "So, I don't think anyone will notice if I show up a little late this morning. If you want to get some sleep, I can watch her for a little while."

He shook his head, his attention returned to Maddie, who was fast asleep with her pacifier bobbing around in her mouth. "Nah," he answered, unable to stop from smiling, completely hypnotized by her. "I'm okay."

He continued to rock her, absolutely oblivious to anything else around him. Like the rest of the world didn't exist. Truly, JJ couldn't have been prouder of her friend.


	13. Making Plans

Maeve was ecstatic as she heard the news. "So everything went well?"

"I believe so," Reid answered. "She made an awful lot of notes, but I don't necessarily consider that a bad thing. Rodriguez's main complaint was I need better housekeeping. I guess I better clean up after myself more."

"Or she just wanted to find something to criticize." Maeve suggested. "It wouldn't be appropriate to give you perfect marks on your first inspection. Instead, she gave you something to work on. I would be more concerned how she felt about your interaction with Madeline. Was she satisfied?"

Delighted, Reid responded, "Actually, that part went better than I expected. Madeline and I are finally getting along... you're advice was right. I didn't try to force a bond, I just... let it happen. It's not always easy, but... I'm learning to keep my patience with her."

There was a delighted gasp on the other end, making the butterflies in Reid's stomach flutter faster. "Oh, Spencer, that's wonderful! I can't tell you how happy I am for you!"

"Thanks," He uttered. He clear his throat a bit, a little bashful. "I have to say... I'm really glad it happened. I mean, I wanted this to be easier, I wanted to be able to care for her and calm her... but I didn't expect to feel like this."

"Like how?" She questioned.

How could he put this into words? He wasn't sure. "I... think I'm starting to like her."

The pause that followed was long, but he knew she had a smile as she asked, "Is that a fact?"

"Yeah," he continued. "It's only been two days, but... I'm actually enjoying taking care of her. She likes it when I hold her now, which in turn has made feeding much easier. And I like spending that time with her... I've been telling her stories and, I swear, she listens to me." He paused a moment, swallowing hard. "I realize she can't really understand me..."

"It doesn't matter what you say, it's more about emphasis and inflection." Maeve replied, her tone soft now. "I'm sure she loves the sound of your voice, Spencer... goodness knows I do."

Nervously, Reid chuckled. He really didn't know how to respond to that. Thank you... I also like your voice... I'm madly in love with you... anything he wanted to say got stuck in his throat.

For a moment, he believed Maeve was waiting for him to say something. As she continued, he supposed that wasn't the case. It was too late now, the moment had passed. "Well, I'm very happy your first visit from Social Services went well. I also have some good news."

"Is that so?" Reid asked. "What's that?"

Perhaps he was too much of a pessimist, because what she said was so unexpected. "I think my stalker has finally gone."

Shocked, it took Reid a moment to find his voice. "Are you sure?"

"Yes... the letters stopped a few weeks ago, I haven't had any phone calls for almost a month except you... I even felt brave enough to go to the market without my disguise and I didn't feel like I was being watched."

"That's..." Reid was stunned, his mind unable to comprehend that this could be happening. "That usually happens, if you don't respond to a stalker's threats, it ruins the fantasy and... he eventually moves-"

"I want to meet you." She interrupted.

The words blurted out like she'd been holding them back for so long. Maeve was so desperate, her heavy breathing could be heard on the other end. She was anxious for him to answer... terrified if he would agree.

"You do?" His voice squeaked like a prepubescent boy. He wanted to slap himself.

"Yes," she answered gleefully. "Spencer... the very first thing I thought when I finished your article was that I have to meet this man. I've waited so long and I'll continue to wait if you wish, but... I want this so much. And I think you feel the same."

He did. Oh, he did. It was the last thing he thought of as he fell asleep. His stomach would twist with envy when he saw happy couples in public, wishing his arms could be around the woman he loved as well. Now it was upon him.

"I... do..." He said slowly, filled with too many emotions to count, all so blended together, he couldn't even determine what they were. But what he did know without a shadow of a doubt was he wanted to meet her. To finally lay his eyes on her.

Now there was silence. Neither knew what to do next. As much as they'd both wanted this, dreamed of this, felt sick with longing for it... they never knew how to make it happen. This was brand new territory with little clue how to navigate it.

"So..." Reid began, his eyes darted around nervously. "When?"

"How about next Sunday?" She prompted. "Instead of our usual call?"

"That's a great idea." Reid had an idea, but he didn't want to force too much too soon. "Uh... if you like, we could meet at Roosevelt Park... near the duck ponds. We could have lunch... I'll even bring Maddie along, if you like."

He regretted it at once. Maeve had asked to meet him, not his daughter. They were subtle, but he'd gotten several clues from her that she wasn't fond at the idea of having children. Maybe they should have the opportunity of meeting once before any conflicts arose.

"Spencer," she said slowly, her voice soft and dreamy. "That sounds perfect."

His face spread into a delirious expression. Reid was overjoyed by this. In one week, he was finally going to meet her.

"Okay, then," Reid agreed. "So... Roosevelt Park, by the duck ponds... say, 1 o'clock?"

"I'll pack us a picnic." She replied. "I'll see you then, Spencer."

This wasn't possible, to finally get to meet this incredible woman. He couldn't be this lucky, when he'd never been before. "I'll see you then, Maeve."

After she hung up, he replaced the receiver. Reid took a moment to let this sink in. He didn't know what this could lead to... maybe he was making too much out of this... or maybe it was the start of a wonderful story they'd someday tell their grandchildren.

Grandchildren. He hadn't even met her and he was already thinking about grandchildren.

He wasn't even sure how he got home, his head floating in a fog the whole time. The next thing he knew he was unlocking the door to his apartment, hearing the excited giggling from inside.

He walked in to find Blake sitting on the floor before Madeline in her swing. She was entertaining her with the clown puppets Garcia had bought for Henry when he was born. Madeline was laughing like crazy at the silly toys and goofy voice her babysitter was using, her teeny hands waving excitedly.

"Hey," Blake grinned as Reid walked in, setting his keys on the side table. "Daddy's home!"

He gave a laugh, almost sarcastically. He was getting better at taking care of his daughter, but he didn't really think of himself as a father yet. Let alone a 'daddy'.

Reid had called Blake early this morning in hopes she could stay with the baby while he made his weekly phone call. She understood the secrecy of his relationship with Maeve, as well as why it was important to have this time with her. She was more than willing to help, and she could handle the baby well. It was evident Maddie responded well to her.

He expected Blake to be helpful. What he didn't expect was how difficult it had been to leave Madeline this morning. Maybe they were spending too much time together, but the minute he opened the door, he was filled with something that didn't feel exactly like worry. More like a pining... a need to be with the little girl, and not just to protect her. He was tempted to bring her with him, but he was uncomfortable taking Madeline out into the world and wasn't ready to attempt it.

"How is she?" he asked as he walked over. He squatted down beside Blake, getting to Maddie's eye level.

"Just fine," Blake replied, smiling at her. "We had a diaper change and I carried her around while I sang to her and I was just about to get her bottle ready." She reached to tickle under chin. "She is so much fun. Everything makes her laugh, I love it."

Reid wasn't so sure about that, but he did like it when he made her laugh. She was particularly sensitive under her feet, and he loved the way her toes would wiggle when he tickled them.

"She is a happy little girl." Reid agreed, reaching over to brush her hand. "I'm glad you had fun with Alex while I was gone, but I'm back now."

Blake looked to him with an amused face. "Do you always do that?" He looked over at her, confused. "I mean talk to her like she's an adult."

"Well, yes." He responded. "We've been doing well together, we've been bonding and all... but I guess I still feel too uncomfortable to talk Motherese to her."

"Talk... what?" Blake wondered. All her years studying linguistics, she'd never come across that one.

Reid laughed. "Motherese, it's the psychological term for 'baby talk'. There are a lot of conflicting theories on the benefits of using baby talk as well as disadvantages. There's nothing wrong with speaking normally to her. I did the same thing with Henry, you know."

"Well, you're her father. You know best." She said, patting his shoulder. The two stood back up before their legs could fall asleep. As she smoothed out the wrinkles in her shirt with her puppet covered hand, she questioned. "So how was your conversation with Phone Booth Girl."

On the way home, his mind was working a mile a minute. So much was clogging his thoughts, both good and bad. It wouldn't hurt to get them out into the open.

The only sound was Maddie's coos and gibberish calls, filling what would have been an awkward silence. His eyes focusing on the wood floor, he finally admitted. "She wants to meet me."

Blake's jaw dropped in surprised as she slipped the toys from her hands. "Really?"

He nodded. "We made a date for... next week, in Roosevelt Park... but I don't know if it's such a good idea."

"Are you kidding me?" She wondered, but she suddenly understood. "Oh, you're afraid once you meet... it'll ruin everything. What, you're afraid she won't be as pretty as you're picturing?"

"Of course not, she's already the most beautiful girl in the world to me." He said, meeting her gaze. "But... what if she doesn't feel the same way?"

"You think she's not going to like the way you look?" Blake wondered. "Reid, why would she think that? You're so handsome."

No, he wasn't. He was too tall, his hair was too long, and his clothes never fit him right. Nothing about him fit into society's description of what was attractive... why would any woman give him a second look? Someone as wonderful as Maeve would be expecting perfection... and he was the farthest from it.

"Reid..." Blake said, her hand landing on his shoulder. "Let's sit down."

He followed her lead to the sofa. Side by side, they sat. Reid found comfort as he looked to the baby. Truly, Maddie had never cared what he looked like. If only Maeve would have the same attitude.

"You know real beauty is not on the outside." Insisted Blake. "You know that, you've seen proof of it everywhere, and it's the very reason why you find a girl you've never laid eyes on as the most beautiful girl in the world. She's been talking to you week after week for God knows how long because she likes who you are... she's already finds you handsome on the inside, why wouldn't she find you handsome when she finally sees you for herself?"

"She could see a picture of me so easily by a simple google search." Reid said, glancing at her. "Yet she doesn't. Why?"

"Let me ask you," Blake wondered. "You have the amazing resources of one of the most advanced organizations right at your disposal and you haven't searched for her. Why is that?"

"Because... I want the first time I see her to be... when we meet." He explained.

Blake continued. "I think she feels the same way. Because the two of you are not about looks or have a preconceived idea of what makes someone beautiful... you care more about knowing one another. And I'm sure next week, you'll be more concerned about that than how long your hair is or how your jacket fits you."

Reid couldn't help but smile. "Thank you... I hope you're right."

"I know I'm right." She grinned. "Would you like me to watch Maddie again that day? I don't think I have any plans."

"Actually," He cleared his throat nervously again. "I uh... I wanted to ask you to come with me?"

She was a bit put off by that. "Don't you think that'll spoil the mood?"

"Well, I'm bringing Maddie with me." He explained. "She wants to meet her, too... but a picnic with a two month old won't be easy... so after we meet, if things go well and we're getting along, it might be nice for us to have a chance to get to know each other better... and, if you're there-"

"-I can sneak off with the baby so you guys can have some alone time." She teased with a smirk.

He blushed. "Yes, that's correct. I'd also like you for moral support... if things go badly."

She was sure they wouldn't, but Blake agreed just the same. "Absolutely, I'll come. As soon as you and Phone Booth Girl start to hit it off, we'll be out there in a flash. I promise."

Relieved, Reid nodded and smiled. "Maeve... her name is Maeve."

She was very pleased as she replied. "Maeve... that's very pretty."

It was beautiful. Everything about her was beautiful... and next week, he was finally going to meet the woman of his dreams. He could hardly wait.

* * *

Emily was flipping was busy studying the files. She sat cross-legged on her bed, eating the last piece from her room service breakfast. After having read this so many times, there wasn't any new information here... but it didn't stop her from searching. She was certain there was a big clue right in front of her face and she just couldn't see it.

A knock on her door disturbed her. She sat up, dusting the crumbs from her hands as she climbed off the bed, heading quickly to answer. As expected, Rossi was waiting patiently as she opened the door.

"Hey, you're late." Emily mentioned with a smile as she let him in. "I thought you guys had another case."

"No, just overslept." He explained as he entered. "It's never easy to get up on Sunday."

"Well, the scotches you have on Saturday night will do that to you." Emily teased as she closed the door. "I've seen you at the bar, you drink enough for two."

"What makes you think I was drinking alone?" He asked with a glance over his shoulder.

Emily paused a moment as she consider what he was saying. With a smirk she asked while heading back to the bed. "Do I know her?"

"Maybe, and let's just leave it at that." He answered. Rossi looked around the room. It was a nice enough place. A standard room, but as nice as it was, it was still a hotel. "How come you're not staying at your apartment? You didn't give it up, did you?"

"Oh, no way." Emily answered as she sat down. "I'm subletting it to a couple. It didn't seem fair to make them leave when I'm only going to be in town for a few weeks."

Rossi nodded as he took the spot beside her. "Makes sense. You're only here looking into a case. It won't be long before you're back in London, right?"

He was trying to get under her skin. Looking up from the array of files, Emily shot him a glare. Guilt would not be the boss of her, no matter how badly it was eating away at her.

"It's where I belong, Dave." She said. "You know that."

"I'm just making conversation." Rossi said innocently. "What's wrong with that?"

"What's wrong is I'd much rather focus on this case." She insisted, holding up one of the many files. "There are a lot of lives at stake here and I owe it to them to stop these people."

She was like an open book to him, and he couldn't help but correct her. "You mean you owe it to Reid."

Emily hadn't expected him to pick up on that. Although as soon as he said it, she knew she should have known better. "None of you gave up on me. You all worked to find Ian Doyle and bring justice in my memory. You weren't ordered to do it, you weren't even supposed to be working on the case, but you did anyway. Without even a thought. You didn't do it because you knew it would bring me home, you did it because I was someone special to you... and Caroline was someone special to Reid." She paused a moment, feeling tears form at the memory. "It doesn't matter what an autopsy says, she died because of these people... he wants justice for her and I will help him every step of the way. I would do that for any one of you, just like you did for me."

Rossi smiled rather proudly. "You know they say you're lucky if you find one good friend in your lifetime. What saintly act did we all do to find each other."

With a shake of her head, Emily answered, "I'm sure I don't know. I know I did nothing worthy, I'm just lucky."

"I think you underestimate yourself, young lady," he said and quickly went to change the subject, for her sake. "So, any breakthroughs on the case as of late?"

Thankful to be working, Emily explained, "Reid and I have been working the last few nights. We know we're not going to get much further until I know who or what Seres is. Reid's been completely devoted to that subject for now.

"Do you have a file on the subject?" Rossi wondered.

One sigh told him the answer to that. "You know about as much as we do. A lot of the suspects in the case are reported to have involvement with Seres, but no one we have is talking. It's hard to work information out of them with so much lack of evidence."

"That's off putting." Rossi shook his head. "Let's start at the beginning. Who do you think it is?"

"It could be anything," she replied. "But my gut's telling me it's one man... and he's our main target."

"He's the leader of the ring?" Rossi specified.

"Precisely, I think he calls all the shots. Not only that, I'm sure he does a lot of recruiting." She reached for a few files sneaking towards the opposite edge of the bed, handing them over. "A lot of the lower members like Caroline appear to have been brought in by Seres himself. He probably had a knack for finding desperate people. Not all of these people needed transplants, but some needed money or an escape from jail time, the list is extensive. When a person has no other options, almost anything sounds good if there's a chance it'll save you... and people with the right instincts know how to pull those people in and spell their doom."

"He's a ghost." Rossi mentioned as he scanned each of the files. All of which were suspects with connections to the mysterious Seres. "Is it a code name?"

"It has to be, none of these people ever go by their real names, at least the more integrated members. I've seen a lot of aliases in cases like this." She explained. "Now, as you can guess, Reid's not too concerned with most of the other suspects, more about those connected to Caroline, so in his book, Seres is public enemy number one. And I can't even put a prospective name to a face."

It was such a helpless feeling. Emily tossed the one file in hand into the scattered mess, being just as much use to her there as in her hand. She had no idea what to do about this and short of undercover, there didn't appear to be any options. Unless she, Rossi, or Reid were to come down with organ failure within the next day or so, there wasn't a chance of that happening.

She was prepared to say this very thought to Rossi - to vent her frustrated feelings to a trusted friend - when she caught sight of his expression. He didn't in the least despondent. In fact, knowing him so well, she had a belief he was forming a plan.

"I can hear those wheels turning in your head." Emily said with interest. "You have an idea?"

Rossi didn't want to say it right away. It was a good idea, but given her reluctance as of late, it would be hard to convince her. He swallowed as he carefully considered his words. "You know, Reid wasn't the only who was considered as Madeline's father. According to Hotch, they had a list of potential donors to test. Our boy was just one of several.

"So?" Emily wondered.

"So what if some of those men are also suspects in those case?" Rossi suggested. "The ones they tested, they had to have gotten a hold of somehow and kept track of them just incase one of them was the father. The clinic would have kept that on file. If we could look at it, we might be able to match some of these names and then locate them."

"That's a great idea." Emily responded. "But the clinic's not going to give us that information without a warrant. I talked to the cop looking into Caroline Bailey's death and he wouldn't even give me the time of day, let alone any help. I have no real jurisdiction right now and neither do you, there's no chance DCPD will get us those records."

That was for sure, as Rossi had already taken into account. "Getting that list is the only choice he have." He insisted. With a empathic smile, he continued. "And you know there's only one way we can get it."

It took mere seconds for her to realize what he saying. Her face turned into a scowl as she bitterly grumbled. "You just don't quit, do you, Dave?"

"Emily-"

"For the last time, I am not including the team in this!" She exclaimed, getting to her feet. Emily always had to pace when she was agitated.

"What would it hurt?" Rossi wondered as he remained calmly seated. "Each and every one of them would be happy to help you, and Garcia can get us that information in no time."

She knew he was right, but Emily was not willing yet to give in. "Those men might not be important at all."

"Yes, but it'll be another place we've searched and excluded." Rossi answered. "It might not lead you to Seres, but you have no idea what chain reaction this could create. We've seen it before. One piece of evidence that means the difference between putting the unsub away and losing him forever."

No. She wanted to say no, to demand she do the work herself. Having Rossi and Reid with her was risky enough. But this case wasn't some random investigation anymore. This was personal to her friend, which in turn made this personal for her. Emily couldn't be selfish and think only of her needs when he was going through so much.

"I wouldn't do this for anyone but you guys." she replied, folding her arms. "When do you think we should have everyone meet?"

"The sooner, the better." Announced Rossi, pulling out his cell. "I'll call Hotch and see if he'd be willing to have everyone meet in the morning. We can work this afternoon on a presentation and be ready, first thing."

"Tomorrow- don't you think Strauss will have a problem with that?" She cried, yet felt a ray of hope at the promise they might be turned down.

But he waved off the concern, as if it meant nothing at all. He said with certainty."It won't be a problem."

Tomorrow morning. That was very soon. And nothing she could do to stop it. She pursed her lips and forced a smile as she gave in, trying her best to keep her anxieties hidden. Sitting back on the bed, she pretended to occupy herself organizing the folders as Rossi made the call to Aaron Hotchner.

The crippling fear that still woke her in the middle of the night was shrouding over her, knowing what was coming. She'd tried for months to block the memory from her mind, the memory that haunted her like some traumatic event. In the matter of moments, it floated to the surface of her mind as if it were happening again.

_From the glow of the passing streetlights, Emily gave him a smile. "You really didn't need to drive me home. I could have manage."_

_"Hey, I took up the task of designated driver for a reason." Hotch insisted in his usual stern demeanor. "You drank enough wine for three people, there was no way I was letting you on the road."_

_"I switched to water two hours ago and I know how to hold my liquor." She smiled. "Anyway, I was going to call a cab. I would have been fine."_

_"Would you stop acting like this is some kind of chore?" Hotch asked and with that, gave her a rare smile. "I don't mind taking you home... how much more time will we get to spend with each other?"_

_He was absolutely right. Emily was leaving for New York tomorrow afternoon. There she'd catch her flight to London, and it could be years before she made it back to DC again. With the job and his son, Hotch wasn't likely to find time to visit her. For the time being, this was really it for them._

_Leaving was hard. Emily was going to miss all of them so much, but when she thought about leaving Hotch... something inside her ached. The young college girl inside her who still lit up with joy when she saw him was practically sobbing. Even though she'd lost him many years ago, she was just not ready to let him go._

_The pulled up outside Emily's apartment building. "It's a shame this is the first time I've actually come to your apartment."_

_She unbuckled her seatbelt and slipped out of the restraint. "You've been to my apartment before."_

_It was obvious Hotch was staring at her, watching as the belt slid off her curvy body. She inadvertently smirked as he quickly looked away, the obvious shame glinting in his eyes. Emily felt her heart pound, wondering how shameful this man could really be._

_"Your old ones." Hotch corrected. "When we both almost quit the BAU... and then... after I got hurt..."_

_His voice trailed off as he hung his head. Emily reached over to brush his arm. "I remember."_

_With a deep breath that sounded painful to take, he said as he met her gaze again. "Your friends are always there during the good times, but it's a true friend who's there for the bad, let alone the worst. I could never thank you enough for that."_

_"Aaron, you could barely stand." Emily argued. "You were in pain and alone and you had just lost your family. Your own brother wouldn't even come to help you... so what, I gave you my bed for week while I slept on the couch. Any one of our friends would have done the same."_

_Following his lead, she turned her attention out the windshield. The silence around them was awkward. Debilitating. Emily could hear her own heart pounding, wanting to hurry upstairs, but not wanting to leave him._

_"I'm really going to miss you." Hotch said, turning to her again. "I feel like I just got you back and now you're leaving again."_

_"Believe me, I don't regret coming back to the BAU." She replied. "I wish I felt differently... but I don't think it's the best place for me anymore. You know what they say... you can't go home again."_

_Hotch opened his mouth at once, a look of protest in his eyes. For a moment, she had the fleeting thought that wasn't what he meant, but surely it had to be. What else could he mean._

_He closed his mouth again without a word, clearing his throat. "Do you need a ride to the airport tomorrow?"_

_"Interpol arranged a car service." She explained, though wishing she didn't have to. Truly, she would have loved to accept his offer, but riding with him to the airport, knowing it was where they had to say goodbye would be much too hard. Her heart was breaking already._

_"Well-" He started, but Emily quickly cut him off._

_"Would you like to come up?" She questioned, her breath caught in her chest. She hadn't meant to say it, the words escaped before the thought even crossed her mind._

_Hotch was stunned. He gaped slightly at her, unsure if she were serious. "It's a little late for coffee."_

_She shook her head. "Not for coffee, Aaron... I just want to spend a little time with you... before we have to say goodbye."_

_He was hesitant at first, but his amazement and reserved expression turned pleased. Unlocking his seatbelt, he reached for the door handle, following her out of the car._

_Emily tried to keep calm as they entered her building, each step bringing them closer and closer to her home turf. She could feel the beat of her heart in her whole body, unbelieving this could be happening... that tonight, she might have everything she ever dreamed of._

_The ride up was dead silent. While they faced forward, their eyes kept landing on the other in the doors' reflection. Neither were sure what to expect once they finally got up there, both knowing exactly what they wanted... what they dreamed of._

_Emily lived at the end of the hall. She unlocked the door easily, opening it to allow first herself inside and Hotch to follow. Flipping on the lights revealed the skeleton of the former apartment. Once filled with her belongings was not a space of taped boxes and covered furniture._

_"Is all this coming with you?" Hotch asked as he looked around._

_"Not the furniture." She explained, setting her purse down. It was still odd not to have her gun on her person. Since her resignation had gone into effect last week, she'd lost all privileges to carry it in this country. It made her feel so vulnerable. "I put the place up for sublet, the landlord will find someone to take it in a few weeks. A good place like this won't be available for long."_

_"Well, that's great!" Hotch announced, turning back to her. "At least... you know, you'll still have a place to come back to... if you decide to come back."_

_"Yeah," she said, brushing back some of her hair, her eyes avoiding him. "Who knows, maybe someday I will."_

_It was so indefinitive, almost like she were just saying it to appease him. Maybe she was._

_"I'd offer you something to drink, but all I've got is water on tap." She explained with a laugh. "Besides, all my glasses are packed away."_

_"That's alright, I'm not thirsty." Hotch answered. He'd made it to the doors of balcony, the shades drawn over the glass. The latch came easily undone and he opened them, allowing the cool air of early summer to waft in. "It's such a nice night."_

_The only thing Emily could think to do was agree with him. "You're right," she uttered as she walked over, stepping outside to join him. "It is."_

_She leaned on the railing, looking out at the city. "It'll be a long time before I see the city like this again."_

_"You'll be in Merry Old London." Hotch gave her a nudge. "Probably a much better sight than Washington DC. You won't even miss it."_

_Emily answered, "Now that's not true. Washington is my home. I was born here, I spent the better part of my life here. Despite my travels, for some reason I always found a way back here... and I'll return again."_

_She met his careful gaze, lit up by the distant glow of the drowsy city. "Someday."_

_Hotch's smile was small. "That's the thing about where you come from. No matter how you try to get away... somethings in life manage to find their way back together."_

_"Like us." Emily announced before she knew it._

_Their eyes met, filling both of them with a kind of electricity. Hotch looked at her with bewilderment. Emily nearly choked on her own tongue in an effort to explain._

_"I mean... when we first met, I was just a kid. Right out of high school. Did you ever think we'd have shared so much together?" She was suddenly feeling very hot in the cool weather. "Did you ever think how much we'd mean to each other?"_

_The glow in his deep brown eyes alone was enough of an answer for her. She took an unintentional deep breath, inhaling that musky, manly scent of his cologne mixed with something powder fresh. Oh, she wanted to drown herself in that scent._

_He swallowed hard as he said, his voice so sorrowful, "And now you're leaving."_

_His words opened a flood gate. For both of them. Their eyes met once more and suddenly, there was no hope of pulling away. It wasn't sure who moved first, but their lips collided and fused together like it was where they were supposed to be._

_His kiss was even more powerful than she remembered, and all rationality left her mind. There was no tomorrow as far as she was concerned, only now. As if tomorrow was the last day of their lives. The love they made tonight would be just as passionate as if it were._

_Their first kiss was replaced by another one. Emily wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling herself closer. Hotch groaned at the friction her form made on his, his arms enveloping her, keeping her close, refusing to let her go._

_Her hand snaked into his hair. How many times had she stared at him, longing to run her fingers through these tendrils. It was so soft. She didn't think it were possible with so many clothes on, but Emily pulled herself closer. As if their bodies were already one._

_"Mmm-" Hotch mumbled as he finally managed to break the kiss. He couldn't release himself, though, only managing to pant as he looked up into her worried eyes. "Emily... how drunk are you right now?"_

_"Drunk enough where I know I want to do this... but no where near enough where you should feel you're taking advantage." She grinned, massaging his scalp a bit. "It's alright, Aaron, I know what I'm doing here."_

_She reached in to kiss him again and for a moment, she believed she'd convinced him. Other hand snaked down to find the zipper of his sweatshirt and carefully slid it to the bottom._

_He was just beginning to take the initiative, exploring the depths of her mouth with his tongue. His hands stroked down her denim backside and Emily felt a shiver run through her._

_But his senses came back to him at full force. "No!" He uttered, and pulled himself entirely away._

_Hurt, Emily looked him up and down. "Aaron?"_

_"We can't do this Emily." Hotch cried. His voice was panicked, as if they were about to commit a crime. "It's... wrong."_

_"It's not wrong, anymore, Aaron." She smirked, taking a step closer. "We don't work together anymore, remember? You're no longer my superior."_

_"Don't call me that." He ordered in his usual autocratic tone. "This is not a line that we want to cross, Emily. I'm sure you realize that. For one, I am in a relationship with another woman."_

_"You didn't seem to be thinking about her much a moment again when you were thrusting your tongue down my throat." She uttered, folding her arms. "From what I could tell, you were ready to take me right here."_

_He informed sternly. "I had a momentary lapse in judgement, and I apologize for that, but now we have our heads back and are lucid. We are friends, we've been that way for a long time. I don't want to do anything to jeopardize that."_

_Throwing all caution to the window, Emily lunged forward. She thrust herself upon the older man, wrapping her arms around him as she pressed back against the rail. She didn't care about what they already had or what this would mean in the morning. She'd denied her feelings for years; she was not going to let him get away from her again, not when she was going to leave him. Possibly forever._

_She reached up to whisper huskily in his ear. "Aaron... don't you realize how much I want you right now? _

_He hesitated a moment and easily pushed her back, giving him some space. "I understand how you're feeling, but anything we do here tonight would be a mistake."_

_"You don't know that. I don't want to have any regrets, Aaron." She reached out for him another time, her hands landing on his strong biceps, clenched tightly as if he were holding himself back. "You don't know what could happen. What if we never see each other again?"_

_Her eyes pleaded with him, begging him to see reason. He stared back into her, searching for the right thing to say. To speak the truth without hurting her._

_Words failed him. He swallowed hard, his expression turning hard and passive. "I hope you have a safe flight and wish you the best of luck in your new job."_

_He practically shoved her aside to hurry off the balcony. She turned to watch him hurry through the living room and out of sight, never once looking back. Within moments, the door closed with an urgent slam... he was gone._

_She turned around, willing herself not to get upset. Her hands gripped the railing until her knuckles were white. Emily was angry, more at herself than Hotch... how could she have let him do this to her again?_

Emily was standing at the window when Rossi got off the phone, announcing he'd confirmed it with Hotch. They were on for the morning.

So this was it, this was how they were to be reunited. She knew it would happen one day, but she had hoped for more time to prepare. They would just have to pretend nothing ever happened between them... just like last time.

* * *

A/N: ***If you haven't seen the finale yet and don't want spoilers, don't read any further!***

Okay, I decided I'm going to play up the romance with Rossi and Strauss. It's not going to be anything major, and I don't think it's going to be more than a mention or two in this story, but I am going to include it. For the brief five seconds they played it up, I they were so cute. (I already knew about it because I go after spoilers like a whore does tequila. They could have done so much with it, I was disappointed.)

Also, I've been considering the Replicator since I started planning this serious and at first I wasn't going to include him, but I don't feel right just writing him off somehow. So, with a little bit of tweaking, I do intend to eventually include him. Again, not in this story, but keep a look out for it in the future. :)

Of course, whether or not I'll kill Strauss is still a mystery...


	14. Tea and Sympathy

"Does it feel weird being here?" Rossi asked the next morning in the conference room. He was seated casually at the round table while Emily was arranging the needed evidence to present her case. She'd been trying to ignore the chatter out in the bullpen which was carrying up the catwalk. Did they even know she was here?

"Not so much," She answered with a shake of her head. "I'm still trying to get used to London, so it almost feels like I've been on sabbatical."

Considering that, Rossi folded his hands over his knee. "It's ironic, don't you think? You've had plenty of experiencing moving from place to place, country to country, you've even worked for Interpol before. Yet adjusting to this new job has been incredibly difficult for you."

Tossing the last folder on the table she looked up with pursed lips. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"Nothing," he said innocently with a casual shrug. A hint of smile played at the corner of his lips. "Just an observation… why, did that strike a nerve?"

She opened her mouth to answer, but closed it quickly, deciding not to dignify him with a response. Her time right now was better spent preparing her presentation. The last thing she wanted was to tell her former team how miserable she was.

At nine o'clock most of the team had arrived and proceeded to the conference room. Morgan was the first to enter, smiling brightly as he saw Emily.

"I thought this might have something to do with you." He exclaimed as he came over to give her a hug.

"Well… I am only supposed to be investigating, but there's only so much I can do on my own." She admitted as he let her go. "Not only can I use the resources here, but it's a good to at least bounce some ideas off you guys."

"I can't believe it took you this long to come to us, Prentiss." He said, giving a pat to her shoulder. He sat down next to Rossi as the girls made their way in.

Immediately, Garcia's eyes lit like a Christmas tree. "Oh my God!" She squealed with delight as she hurried over. Emily couldn't contain her laughter at her excitement, filled with joy as she was wrapped in a bubbly hug.

"What are you doing here?" JJ exclaimed, just as delighted to see her old friend. Unlike Morgan and Garcia, she hadn't seen Emily since they parted at her goodbye party.

Garcia was squeezing her so hard, she could barely breathe. Once she was finally released, she caught her breath as she explained. "To be honest, I've been in town for a few weeks. I'm working on a serious case and… I was hoping you guys wouldn't mind helping me for a couple of days."

"Oh, good." Blake said with an uncomfortable smile as she folded her arms. "I was afraid I was out of a job."

An obdurate silence filled the air and JJ spoke up quickly to break it. "Uh, Emily this is SSA Alex Blake, she took your empty spot a month after you left."

Stepping forward, Blake offered her hand, which Emily promptly accepted. "Nice to meet you, Emily."

"You as well." If Emily could hear the hollowness in her voice, she was sure everyone else could. It wasn't that she didn't like Blake, from what she heard she was a good agent and a wonderful person. But now, as she stood face to face with her, as disdain filled her stomach. Not one of hatred, but envy. A jealousy she couldn't quite put her finger on.

"Well," Morgan said in his typical tactless manner as his hands rested behind his head, "this is awkward."

"What's awkward?" Hotch's low baritone voice questioned as he walked in, looking over a file.

The moment was suddenly upon her. She had neither spoken nor seen Hotch since he stormed away from her. She'd been this terrified the last time they'd been reunited. At least she knew he'd remember her now.

Looking up, Hotch looked around the room, seeing most of his team assembled. His expression was one of stone as he spotted Emily, standing farthest from him in the front of the room. She kept her expression emotionless, hiding how twisted she felt inside.

Less than half a minute passed before the usual serious countenance appeared. "Emily, it's good to see you again."

He said it with such sincerity; it was hard to believe they were friends at all. Four months of no contact wasn't enough to severe years of friendship… but it was like he meant nothing to her now. Nothing at all.

"You, too, sir." She said, forcing her voice to remain steady. Now wasn't the time to obsess over this, if ever.

He gave what was the next best thing to a smile and sat on the other side of Rossi. "Shall we get started, then?"

The others agreed, everyone going to take their seats around the table. Emily wasn't used to being in charge of the briefing, taking just a moment to get her bearings.

"For the last couple months, my team at Interpol has been working on a complicated case." She began to explain. "It involves an organ trafficking ring that was operating in the UK until most of it was shut down. During our investigation, however, we discovered that this organization is mostly concentrated in the United States, with its center right here in Washington DC.

"I've spent my time back in the States doing some digging and, on my own, I've been able to deduce that the ring itself centers around a term known as Seres. I can't determine who or what that is exactly, but it's the lifeblood of the entire operation.

Emily began handing out the stack of folders around, one to a person. "Now, while the list of suspects is all but infinite, I've compiled a group of them that I believe are the most important. These individuals have all had a direct connection to Seres. Some of which are deceased now and some are missing, but I still feel having their information could lead us in the right direction."

Each person flipped open their own file, scanning over the information quickly before moving on to another one. There would be time to gather details later.

Blake folded one closed and handed it passed the empty chair next to her to JJ. She reached for the last remaining file, startled as Emily slammed her hand on it.

At once, Blake looked at her in shock, offended by her sudden behavior. "Sorry," Emily said as she pulled the file close to her chest. "There's, uh… there's something else I need to tell everyone about this case. "

"Is it in that other file, Prentiss?" Morgan inquired.

"Well…" Emily had no other choice. She had wanted to bring this up slowly, but it seemed no matter how it came out, it was going to be a little shocking. "This file… this file belongs to Caroline Bailey."

Hotch instantly became ashen at that. After all they'd talked about, he'd never be able to forget that name. It didn't resonate so severely through the rest of the group. They just looked confused.

"Caroline Bailey…" Morgan uttered, trying to think. "Why does that name sound familiar?"

"Sorry I'm late!" Reid cried at that moment as he stumbled into the room.

The team stood amazed, never expecting to see him here today. Their amazement doubled as they spotted the tiny baby nestled against his one shoulder, held protectively in his arms.

"What is this?" Garcia exclaimed excitedly.

"I wanted to be here, to help with Emily's case." Reid carefully eased himself into the seat between Blake and Garcia, careful not to jostle Maddie too much as he settled in.

"So you… brought the baby?" Morgan wondered.

"I said it would be alright." Hotch said as he glanced up from the one file he was reading. "As long as she's not too much of a distraction. If she starts to get too fussy, Reid, you'll have to take her home."

"I will," Reid agreed.

Garcia leaned over him, wanting a better look at the baby's sleeping face. "Oh, she's so cute! Can I hold her, Reid?"

While everyone knew he was doing better, it was still some surprise as he smiled, gently lowering her into his arms so he could pass her over. "Sure… just be careful with her… she tends to wiggle in her sleep."

Garcia took Madeline from him, holding her securely as she fell into her arms. It wasn't lost on anyone how Reid anxiously watched them a moment longer than was necessary before turning to the group.

"Thanks for coming, Reid." Emily said.

"Why are you here?" JJ wondered. "I thought you still had another week and a half of leave."

Reid looked to JJ before turning to Emily in question. "You didn't tell them?"

She let out a heavy breath as she answered, "I was just getting to that part."

"Emily was just telling us about Caroline Bailey." Hotch said cautiously. The emotion this time was evident on his face, alive with sympathy.

However much he'd like to keep this secret, Reid knew at this point he had no choice. He swallowed hard, trying to loosen his throat, swollen to twice its size. It was like he'd forgotten how to speak, this too much. Once this came out, it made it real. It made everything real.

As looked over to Garcia, however, his eyes fell on the sleeping baby, blissfully ignorant to the problems of the world. For the first time, he found something the two of them shared besides a DNA strand on a piece of paper. The others would never know Caroline like they did. Caroline was her mother, and for a brief time that she'd never remember, she was the most important person in Maddie's life. She loved her and cared for her and made her whole world complete… as she'd done for Reid once, too.

It gave him a strength he couldn't explain. "I never told most of you about Madeline's mother. Most of you are under the impression I met her once in a bar and Maddie is the result of our brief encounter… while some of that story is true, there's more to it than I've told."

"You didn't really tell us anything, kid." Morgan said lightly.

"Right you are." Reid nodded. There was nothing light about this and he wasn't making it point to treat it so. "While Caroline and I did meet in a bar and spent the night together… we weren't strangers. We knew each other very well before that." he paused to swallow again, that pain in his chest throbbing each time he tried to breathe. "We grew up together… next door neighbors… we were best friends, but we didn't part on good terms. The night Maddie was conceived was the first we saw each other in over twelve years."

"Oh, Spence…" JJ couldn't help but utter. "Why didn't you tell us?"

"Well, for a lot of reasons." He admitted. "This last month has been incredible to take. The fact my longtime friend died has been a lot to deal with on its own terms, let alone the fact the one time we were together in over a decade, we didn't reminisce about the past, we didn't make up for lost time… we made foolish choices and basically threw what was left of our friendship away. If we could have just talked, maybe I would have realized she was sick… that she was in trouble."

"The heart." Hotch suddenly announced, catching Reid's eye. When the young man nodded, he understood completely what was going on here.

"What heart?" Garcia questioned.

"A few years ago, Caroline was dying from heart failure." He continued.

"Someone – possibly even Seres – meet Caroline while she was waiting for a transplant." Emily took over. The colorless expression on Reid's face was enough to show what an ordeal this was for him. "She got involved with this trafficking ring and has worked for them ever since… up until about ten months ago."

"When she got pregnant." Hotch clarified.

"Precisely," Reid nodded. "We don't know why she went into hiding, but we suspect she wanted to stay close to me in case something happened to her."

Emily wondered. "We do?"

He'd nearly forgotten. Maeve was the one who suggested Caroline knew he was the father, not Emily. "Well… it's a theory I've considered. I believe Caroline knew I was the father, but didn't want to tell me. With a donor heart, she knew having a baby would be risky and until she knew she could take care of Maddie herself, she wanted to make sure she could contact me if something went wrong."

"So Caroline's involved with this trafficking ring." Morgan mentioned. "And was she connected to Seres?"

"We suspect so." Emily, at last, opened the last folder to reveal all of Caroline's information. Reid felt almost sick at that. There was barely enough information there to be personal, yet it still felt like he was ripping open a part of himself and bleeding all over the place. Caroline was special to him, something he'd kept in the back of his mind for a long time and saved exclusively for himself. Now she'd never be private again.

Emily continued, "From what we can deduce, she was low in rank inside the ring. She was a paying off the debt owed on her heart, which meant they couldn't fully trust her. It's surprising she was so involved with the leader or leaders, whoever Seres describes."

"So if she just took off out of nowhere," Blake voiced, "they'd be very suspicious, not to mention angry that she'd stolen an organ."

"Yes, exactly," Reid voiced. "The thing is, we're not even sure exactly why she ran… in order to find that out, we have to find the people she was closest to."

"Which is easier said than done." Emily added. "Now, Rossi had the idea of finding the other men considered to be Madeline's father. If any of those men are our suspects, we should be able to track them down."

Rossi looked over to their computer whiz and said, highly amused, "Garcia, if you could part with the baby, we were hoping you could do that for us."

"I can't promise anything." She replied, completely hypnotized by the sleeping infant. "She is just so cute, Reid, how do you stand?"

A pink glowed in his cheeks as he smiled. He didn't really have an answer for that.

"Reid, do you know where Caroline was living when she died?" Hotch questioned, having a sudden idea.

"No." He answered. "I don't think she was living in the same apartment I saw, otherwise Emily would have found her. Why?"

"Well, there might be some information in her home." Hotch explained. "It couldn't have been easy for Caroline to run away, she might have some help. Also, she might have some of the ring's paraphernalia, something that can help us track other members down."

"That's a good idea." Reid replied. "If only there was a way to track it down."

"Reid, why don't you just call the police and find out where they found her body." JJ mentioned.

He cringed at that term. 'Body', like Caroline was just another victim. "They won't give me that information."

"Actually, they might." Rossi said, optimistic. "If she doesn't have any other family, the father of her child would be the next-of-kin. All her worldly possessions belong to you."

"Reid, why don't you go with JJ and call Detective Linstrom, try to get that information. If we can get it, you, Morgan and Emily can drive there and take a look around."

"I'd like Blake to come, too." Reid mentioned in passing. The baby suddenly started fussing a bit and he leaned over to make sure she was okay.

While she flashed him a supportive smile, Emily couldn't hold herself back. "Why, Reid?"

He looked up at that, surprised. "Because… I'd like her support. Is there a reason why she shouldn't come?"

She caught the questioning, contemptuous glance from Blake as she tried to explain. "It's just unexpected, that's all. It'll be nice to have a chance to work with you."

"Likewise." Blake replied, before looking away.

"Rossi and I will go through all this evidence and gather what we can." Hotch declared. "We'll further discuss what we found this afternoon. Hopefully, we'll get Emily some useful information within the next day or so."

All agreed, they began to rise, heading off to their respective tasks. Emily rose out of her chair, beginning to gather the mess of files. She glanced up for just a moment as Hotch walked out of the room, her eyes lingering until he'd turned out of sight.

While most of the others had left, Reid remained seated. For the time being, he was perfectly content watching Garcia as she made over the sleeping baby.

"Reid, you coming?" JJ asked to grab his attention, her head indicating the door.

"Yeah," he said, pushing his chair back out. Looking to his friend, he questioned, "Garcia… would you mind watching her for a few hours?"

"Not at all!" She assured with a huge smile. "You do what you gotta do, we'll be fine."

"Okay, um… she might need changed in about an hour; I have her diaper bag at my desk so I'll give that you before we leave. There are a few fresh bottles in there, I also have her car seat if you need to put her down, and if she gets really fussy, she likes if you walk her around. Oh, and I also packed those puppets that JJ lent me, she seems to really like those-"

"Spence!" JJ cried with a laugh. "She'll be alright; Garcia knows how to take care of a baby."

She was right. Still, though, Reid felt very unprepared as he stood to leave her. He fought the urge to stay as he followed JJ out the door to the catwalk.

"You okay?" JJ asked as they made it down the steps. Reid couldn't stop but look back at the distant open door.

"Yeah…" He said slowly. "I… uh… it's nothing."

He couldn't tear his eyes away, sensing something was wrong. Like something terrible would happen to Madeline if she was anywhere but safe in his arms.

He finally came out of it as JJ patted his shoulder. "You'll get used to it," she assured.

Confused, he turned to her, "Used to what?"

"Leaving her." She promised. "It doesn't get easier, but you learn how to deal with it."

"This…" he shook his head. "It's not what you think."

With an unconvinced chuckle, she nodded, heading in the direction of her office. "Right… I don't know what I'm talking about."

He knew she was wrong. Reid was simply concerned for Madeline. After all, she was just a baby… and it was perfectly natural to be worried about someone so helpless, whether they were related or not. He watched through the door a moment longer before following JJ, trying to push the fear from his mind.

* * *

For such a cold day, it was very dry. Dust wafted around the dirt road as Morgan pulled into the trailer park. A dozen run down trailers were scattered about the lot. Some were better than others, with their tenants giving their places a lovely, welcoming feel. Others, specifically towards the back, were more shabby hovels littered with beer cans and abandoned garbage. Reid took a good look around as he climbed out of the black SUV, wondering which one belonged to Caroline.

"You okay?" Blake asked as she came over to his side.

With an all too fake smile, he nodded, following Emily and Morgan up the path to the front porch. Above the door was hammered a sign labeled Registration Office. Another sign indicated to ring the bell for service. Emily reached to press the button, the four standing back in wait.

Behind the screen door, the main door with chipping green paint opened, revealing a young blonde girl about fourteen. She looked at the four in question before announcing "We don't have a vacancy right now."

"Do your parents own this park?" Morgan asked as he removed his sunglasses.

"My mom does." She answered, getting increasingly nervous. "Why?"

Morgan held up his badge in order to explain. "Can you get your mom, please? We have some questions for her."

She was nothing short of terrified as she hurried away, the distant call of 'mom' being heard from somewhere within.

"What's a girl her age doing home from school today?" Emily wondered, looking back at the group.

"It is a Monday, so it's probably a Teacher Work day." Reid said in theory. "I always hated those when I was in school."

"No surprises there." Morgan mockingly mentioned, getting stifled snickers from the girls.

A minute passed before an older woman with similar features appear behind the screen, her daughter stood just behind her arm, wanting to listen. "Yes, what's this about?"

"Ma'am, we'd like to ask you some questions about your former tenant, Caroline Bailey." Morgan inside, holding his badge up for her to see.

She examined it closely before asking, "Caroline? What do you want to know about her? She couldn't have done anything."

"Did you know her, Ma'am?" Reid asked, moving forward a bit in order to have his voice heard.

"Yes… briefly…" She replied. "What's this about?"

"We're investigating a case we think she might have been involved with prior to her death." Emily explained. "We'd like to look inside her trailer."

She took more than a few moments to make her decision, but after a very long pause, she nodded and pushed the screen door open. "Come in. I'll get you the key."

One by one, each agent filed into the home. Reid was the last to enter, allowing the screen door to bounce close. He had thousands of questions for this woman, all mixing together in a confused jumble in his head.

"What's your name, Ma'am?" Morgan asked as she searched through a set of keys she fished out of her jean's pocket.

"Laverne Pierce." She answered, finally finding the right key. She quickly unlocked a door marked Office. "And that's Amy, who's trying to pretend she's not here so she can listen to our conversation."

"No, I'm not." She grumbled, folding her arms. She caught Reid's eye who couldn't help but give her smile.

"How long did Caroline live here?" Blake asked before he could, having no trouble making sense of the workings of her mind.

Laverne flipped on the light inside the office, her voice muffled a bit as she stepped in. "Uh… it was only about a month before she died. She was lucky, because vacancies don't show up that often in this place. I was going to give it until the beginning of next month for someone to claim her things before I threw them out… where did I put those keys?"

"Didn't she have to pay a security deposit? Put down references?" Morgan wondered.

"She paid the deposit, and first and last months' rent. All in cash. She said it nearly cleaned her out of her savings, too, but she was happy about finding such an out of the way place." Laverne answered. "And if she put down a reference, I would have called them after her body was taken away. She opted not to put a name down because she said she was trying to get away from someone."

Blake and Reid exchanged glances. "Did she say who?"

At last, Laverne came out of the office, a set of keys clutched in her hand. "The poor girl had a two day old baby. It didn't take a genius to figure out who she was running from."

It was a valid theory, but each of them knew that wasn't the case. It didn't stop Reid from feeling increasingly guilty, though.

"Ma'am, we'd like to ask you a few more questions about her, if that would be alright." Morgan said. "We need to learn all we can about her situation."

"We can get started in her trailer," Blake suggested. It would save time.

She nodded, tossing the keys toward her daughter. "Amy, why don't you take them down while we talk?"

Amy caught them with two hands while she rolled her eyes, knowing her mother just wanted to get rid of her. "Come on," she grumbled as she pushed open the screen. Reid and Blake both followed her back out into the morning, the main door closing behind them.

"Some tea?" Laverne asked as she headed through the lobby area into the back of the house.

"Thank you, Ma'am." Morgan said as he and Emily followed. "So you didn't have a problem with Caroline and her newborn moving in without notice?"

They arrived in a cozy living area, with a kitchen pushed off to the side. Barely enough room for two people in there. There was, however, a counter that created a partition between the two rooms, and there the two agents took a seat.

"Well, she looked like she needed help." Laverne said as she grabbed a tea kettle and went to fill it with water. "She had a baby, she was all alone. I've been burned with sob stories before, but I always try to give people in need a chance. And Caroline was one of the good ones."

"Sounds like you liked her." Emily mentioned.

Laverne shut off the water as she gave Emily a smile. "I didn't have a chance to really get to know her, but in the brief time, I could tell she was a nice girl. She never said anything about it, but I knew life had kicked her around like most of us have been. She was hoping to start a new life, and she was so happy to be a mom. The way she looked at that baby… she adored her little girl."

"Wait, if Caroline didn't have a job, how was she going to be able to support herself and the baby?" was Emily's next question.

The gas flipped on the stove, a flame igniting under the kettle. Laverne shrugged in answer to Emily's inquiry. "I assume just like most of the single mothers in this park. She was collecting welfare."

While her back was turned, Morgan and Emily exchanged glances. That didn't seem likely, considering how easily she could be tracked down through a paper trail. Until they had proof, though, they couldn't be sure.

"It wasn't fair." Laverne said as she turned around. She folded her cardigan protectively around her while she folded her arms. "That poor girl, left all on her own to raise a baby, and that wasn't right. I told her when I gave her Amy's crib, you get that bastard on the phone and you make him pay child support, but she wouldn't listen. All she kept saying was that she couldn't do that to him."

"Did she talk about the father at all?" It might have been relevant information. Besides, Morgan was too curious to pass it up.

Laverne shook her head. "I figured he was just another abusive deadbeat she was still in love with. You know, the same old story."

"There's always another side to the story that we never know." Emily affirmed. "She died after about a month. Was it you who found Caroline's body?"

The air suddenly became solemn. Laverne nodded sadly, the light in her eyes fading away. "Yes… a few tenants came pounding on my door in the middle of the night. They were complaining how the baby had been crying for hours on end without a break. I told them babies cry, what the hell do they expect? But they demanded I go down and find out what the problem was. I grabbed the keys and headed down in my bathrobe." She paused a moment to close her eyes, shaking her head. "When I got closer, I knew something was wrong. I had never heard a baby sound so desperate."

Were it a random victim and her random child, that wouldn't have affected them nearly as bad. But knowing Madeline so well now, having seen her just this morning, it pained them to think of her in that kind of trouble.

"I pounded on the door once and when no one answered, I fumbled with the keys to get the door opened. That house was like a tornado had come through, it smelled like rotting trash, I couldn't believe someone was living in this place, let alone had a baby. Caroline was… lying on her bed, almost like she was sleeping. I grabbed the baby and hurried to call 911. I thought I'd been had by the nice girl routine, figuring it was an OD. Then I found out she died from heart rejection." She shook her head again. "So sad."

"It's very sad." Morgan agreed. "Has there been anyone here since Caroline's death? Maybe asking about her?"

"No one," Laverne answered. "No one came to claim her things, no one asked about her or the baby… I've made a few calls to find out what happened to her, but Social Services just gives me the run around. You wouldn't happen to know, would you?"

Emily replied, "Her father has custody of her right now."

She looked surprised by that, letting out a 'humph'. "And he's taking care of her?"

"Yeah," Morgan said in a protective manner. "He's taking very good care of her."

* * *

Amy unlocked the door, shoving it opened wide for the agents. Reid stepped in first, followed by Blake, and each one took in the sight of the dark, dank space.

That pain resurfaced in his chest again, feeling like a knife had gone through his heart. Reid wasn't sure what to expect in this place, but this still came as a shock to him. The living room was scattered with dirty, soiled clothes, blending with the littering trash coming from the kitchen. Another room stood at one end, the door wide open, revealing a messy bedroom. Every inch of this place was an absolute disaster.

Amy closed the door for them slowly, as if trying to pick up as much conversation as she could. "Are you okay?" Blake said once it clicked closed.

"I was just thinking…" Reid sadly muttered. "This is not the place someone should spend the last days of her life… or the first."

"I couldn't agree more." She replied. "Let's spread out. This place isn't that big, but we'll cover it faster if we start at opposite ends."

Reid agreed, turning to her. "I'll take the bedroom."

She had been about to offer to take it, unsure if he would be up for that. This seemed to be something he needed though. Handing him a pair of rubber gloves, he headed to the other end of the trailer while Blake started in the living room.

His feet were light as he stepped in, closing the door softly behind him. He took just a moment to absorb his surroundings. This was where she died… Reid recognized that bed, from their one night together at her old apartment. The sheets and blankets had been shoved to the floor. Probably by the paramedics… or the coroner.

He shuddered at that thought and shoved it from his mind. He'd spent enough time wallowing in Caroline's death, he wasn't going to be much use if he couldn't compartmentalize. Shoving those feelings deep, deep down, he set out to search about the room. If she had anything important in this place, it was most likely to be in this room.

Just a few steps from the bed was a bassinet. Reid stopped for a moment to take a look inside. There was a perfect indentation of a little baby. He hadn't noticed she'd grown a tiny bit since she left here. He wondered if that was just because of her age or if because she was getting the proper care and nutrition now. Either way, it was proof he was taking proper care of her.

There was a pink knitted blanket inside, rolled up in a ball. He reached in to pull it out, feeling it between his fingers. It needed a good washing, but he wondered if Maddie would like to have this back. She didn't have anything left from her old life, it might be nice to give this to her.

As he lifted the blanket, he noticed a slight bulge in the bedding. Too far down were a newborn would stretch out. Curious, Reid carefully lifted the absorbent liner in order to see for himself.

That was odd. Underneath, he found a cellphone. At first he thought Caroline had accidentally left it in here after picking up the baby, but it seemed unlikely it would work its way so far underneath. No, in fact… if he had to guess, he'd say someone hid it there.

Handling it by the edges, his latex fingers lifted it back out. It didn't look like the current trending smart phones he saw everywhere. It was a little fancier than basic, with a large screen, which made him think it was cheap, prepaid service. He pushed on the power button, but nothing happened. Carefully, Reid turned it over, sliding off the back. The battery was gone… and this kind of phone didn't take a sim card.

Caroline hid this for a reason, and she made sure to remove the battery in case an unfriendly got a hold of it. Whatever information was held on this phone, the team needed to know about it. He headed out the room to grab an evidence bag.

"I think I might have something." Reid said as he opened the door.

Blake was looking in an armor sitting caddy corner behind the red sofa. "Reid," she called in response, not too concerned with what he had to say for the moment. "How long did you say it's been since you've seen her?"

"Ten months before she died." He repeated, walking over. "Why?"

Her own gloved hands reached inside the cabinet of the armor, removing a square black object. "Because this box has your name on it."

That was even odder than the cell phone in the bassinet. Hurrying over, Reid got a sight for himself. Sure enough, Blake was holding a black metal lock box with a bright purple combination lock keeping it secure. Over a strip of masking tape was Spencer, written in black magic marker.

"What is that?" He asked, utterly confused.

"You've never seen this before?" Blake wondered.

"Never," Reid admitted. True, his childhood could be a bit of a mystery, but he was sure somewhere in his life, he'd remember Caroline being in possession of a box with his name on it. Since he couldn't recall, the only logical explanation was she'd hid it from him. The question was, how long?

And what was inside?

"If only we could get it open." Blake mentioned examining the combination. Nothing short of a hack saw was going to release that.

Reid didn't know what to say, and this was hurting him more and more. He'd barely thought of Caroline since the night they were together, and even less before that. She, however, must have thought of him all the time. A lot more than he did, anyway.

Before Reid could make sense of this, his cell phone started ringing in his coat pocket. Quickly, Reid reached over to answer it, spotting Morgan's name on the ID. "Yeah, what's up?"

"How's it going down there?" Morgan questioned.

"We didn't find much, but… we might have something useful. What about you?" Reid wondered.

"Caroline kept her landlady mostly in the dark and no one but us has come here inquiring about her. It's almost like they killed her." Morgan said.

Reid knew that wasn't the case. "The medical examiner would have noticed signs of foul play. She rejected the heart, no one could fake that."

"That we know about." Morgan mentioned. "Emily and I think we need to consider the possibility that Caroline might have been murdered."

"In order to do that, someone would have had to dose her with something that forced her body to reject her heart." Reid answered. "Or weaken her heart so bad, her body would have no other choice."

"Are there any drugs that do that?" He asked.

Reid thought for a moment, "I don't know yet, let me do some reading. We need to finish up here, so we'll meet you at the car as soon as we can."

"No problem," Morgan answered. "Also, I just got off the phone with Garcia."

Suddenly, Reid felt panicked. "Is Maddie okay?"

Morgan sounded highly amused as he answered, "Yeah, she's fine, kid. She called to tell me she managed to track down some people."

"Really?" Reid asked, catching Blake's interested eye. "Who?"

"Well, she found Caroline's doctor in New York, before she disappeared." Morgan said. "Garcia says he was also tested as Madeline's father. Hotch wants Rossi and Emily to fly up there to talk to him tomorrow. Since he knew she wasn't missing, he might have been involved with the ring as well."

"That's true," Reid agreed."

Morgan continued. "And… she managed to track Sam Gregson, and he's right here in DC."

"Sam Gregson was the last person to see Caroline." Reid said. "I have to talk to him."

"Hotch told the cops to put out an APB, as soon as he gets a hold of him you'll be able to." Morgan assured. It shouldn't take long to track him down."

"That should yield some results." Reid answered. "We'll meet you at the car, let us know if there's any news. Oh, and I need to stop at an electronics store on the way home."

Morgan laughed at that. "You? What for?"

"I need to buy a cell phone." He vaguely explained before he hung up.


	15. Time

Slowly, JJ strummed through the numbers illuminated on the screen. She'd slipped in the new battery from the matching phone Reid had bought on the way back from the trailer park, bringing life to the long silent device.

A few seats down, Reid was seated with several thick textbooks strewn around him. She chuckled silently to herself. A normal person would have taken advantage of Google in a circumstance like this, but Reid was an anomaly. He liked to do things his way, and frankly he always produced the best results.

He quickly flipped through page after page in pursuit of the truth, scanning over the words with the impression he couldn't see them at all. All around him seemed to fade away, consumed by a world that made complete sense to him. JJ returned to the phone, searching for some tangible information.

"Hey," Garcia's soft gentle call from the doorway startled them both. As she entered, it was obvious way she was speaking so pleasantly. The little baby was cradled in her arms and in one hand, she clutched a bottle. "I hope we're not disturbing you guys. How's it going?"

"It could be better." Reid confessed. He sat up quickly at the sight of her bringing his daughter back into the room. All day, he'd felt heartbroken and sick. A few weeks ago, he was an island to himself, but his life made sense. Now, his whole world was twisted, feeling like it was being sucked into a black hole. Laying eyes on the baby, though, suddenly put the things back into perspective. He couldn't explain that.

"How is she?" He asked as Garcia sat down beside him."She wasn't too much trouble, I hope."

"None whatsoever." Garcia avowed. "What a little angel, and boy does she love to giggle!"

It was a big surprise to her when Reid immediately reached over to take the baby away. He did it without even a thought, like holding her was not only a habit, but a joy to him. Reid felt himself breathe easier as the familiar weight fell naturally into the crook of his arm. Maddie's bright green eyes looked up to him and she seemed pleased to see him again. She wasn't even two months old, though. She couldn't possibly recognize him yet... however, Reid seemed to forget that, a warmth filling his heart, one he usually only felt when dialing a pay phone.

"I was just about to feed her." Garcia said as she handed him the bottled. "Room temperature, just the way she likes it."

"Thanks," Reid said graciously as he grabbed the bottle. Despite her assurance, he allowed a few drops of formula to land on his wrist. Indeed, it was just right. Satisfied, he offered the bottle to Maddie, who took it greedily.

"Oh," Garcia chuckled. "She's hungry."

"She's a good eater." Reid nodded with a smile. "I read that's good sign. She won't grow up to be a nervous adult."

JJ watched with interest the whole time. It took everything in her to keep the gloating smile off her face as she said, "You've gotten pretty good at that, Spence."

"Yeah," He answered with a shrug. "It's hard to believe she's the same baby who wouldn't stop screaming whenever I held her."

His attention returned to the infant in his arms, her eyelids falling almost closed as she enjoyed her bottle. He didn't notice the look exchanged by the two women in the room. A significant and hopeful one. They weren't sure what they were more happy about, how much progress he'd made in the last few weeks or the dreamy look on his face as he admired her.

It was best not to bring attention to it for now. "So," Garcia said as she leaned back in her chair. "Any luck with the new evidence?"

"Well, I don't know about Reid, but there's not much in the phone that immediately stands out." JJ announced. She passed the phone to her, allowing the tech queen to see for herself. "She made and received hundreds of calls from at least three dozen different numbers, none of which are programmed into the phone. In fact, the contact folder is empty."

"That makes sense," Reid said as he looked up again. Once again, his index finger was held captive in Maddie's fist. "Rings like these are always on alert to cover their tracks, it also explains why she was using a prepaid service."

"Plus, prepaid phones are easy to replace if they're lost or destroyed." JJ explained. "What I can't figure out is why Caroline would hang on to this phone if she was trying to escape these people."

Reid didn't have a definitive answer to that yet, but he had a suspicion. "Maybe she was going to use it as leverage. If the cops caught up with her, she could use the numbers and information on this phone to cut a deal. Maybe even immunity."

JJ scoffed as she glanced to Garcia. "Her employers wouldn't like that, would they?"

It was an amusing comment, with no ulterior meaning, but it struck a nerve with Reid. Something snapped inside him. Without meaning to, her looked to both women with hard, cold eyes.

"They weren't her employers, JJ. Caroline owed them a debt, she was forced to work for them. I'm sure if you were in her situation, you'd be scared and want to do anything to save yourself, too!"

He looked away before he could see the startled, hurt expression on her face. His burning eyes turned to the baby again and felt his anger slowly melt away. It was difficult to feel so sour in sight of her.

After a long silence, JJ said with caution, "Spence, I didn't mean anything by that."

Without looking away, he answered with a very hollow, "I know."

Garcia, having reached over to grab it, was taking her own chance to flip through the phone, looking through the recent call list. "She hasn't made any activity on this phone since the end of March. That must have been when she ran away."

He did some quick math in his head, "That's a little over two months since we last saw each other, that's enough time to find out she's pregnant and to figure out what she wanted to do. I'm assuming she struggled with the decision to have an abortion or not... that must have been hard for her."

"I know it was for me." JJ mentioned.

Both Garcia and Reid looked to her in shock. This was certainly news to them.

She had no choice to explain herself. It had been so long ago, it felt almost insignificant now. "You guys know Henry wasn't planned. Will and I lived in two different cities, we'd only been dating a year. I was in love with him, but that didn't mean we were ready to be serious... I mean, it took me until last year to realize I wanted to marry him."

Reid had fallen silent, so surprised by this news. Garcia was much too curious, filled with questions. "What helped you make your decision?"

With a sweet, enchanted looked on herface, JJ let out a sigh, "I can't really explain it... I was filled with this incredible, loving feeling. I was going to be a mother... I could use all the logic in the world, but this was a decision I had to make with my heart. Once I knew what I was feeling... I knew what I wanted. And I wanted my baby. Whether I had Will or not, no matter what happened in the future, at least I would have our baby."

Now, the surprise was turning into shame. Slowly, Reid's eyes came up to find JJ looking right at him, conveying a lot more than her words could say. She understood a lot more about his situation h than he thought.

"Holy Bananas!" Garcia exclaimed out of nowhere.

"What?" Reid asked, startled.

"The phone's been off for so long, it took a while for it to connect to the network again. Several missed calls just came in, all from a blocked number."

"I noticed a block number a few times in the phone, always calling after 3 am." JJ said.

Reid announced, "That could be Seres, or one of his closest people. They were probably searching for her. Does it give a time when they called?"

"Mm, one of the downfalls, phones only record the activity when the call comes through, not when it's made. But... if they left any voicemails..." Garcia explained. She clicked a few choices and a smile appeared on his face. "Yes! We've struck oil and gold!"

"They left a message?" Reid asked with alarm as he took the bottle away for a moment in order to burp the baby.

"Several." She announced.

"You're forgetting something." JJ informed. "You can't get into someone's voicemail without the pass code. There's no other way, not even the phone company can break in."

"It still pains me that you people doubt my powers." She corrected. "Not only will I be able to get her unheard messages and learn the date and time they were recorded, I'll be able to trace the tower it was transmitted from."

"Even if it's not Seres, it'll definitely bring us closer to him." Reid said as Maddie finally burped. It occurred to him then he didn't have a cloth or a wipe. He had no choice but to use the sleeve of his dress shirt to clean her up. Well, it wasn't the first time she spit up on him. "Maybe find out how close he was to Caroline... perhaps if he even found her. We still can't rule out the possibility she was murdered."

"I take it that means you didn't have any luck, either?" JJ wondered.

He waited until Maddie took her bottle again, continuing to eat before he answered. "Well, I'm certain there's no known drug that actually causes heart rejection or heart failure, not that quickly. If there is, it has to be recently invented and definitely illegal. I doubt someone intentionally poisoned her. But I have a few theories."

"And that is?" JJ questioned.

"Well," He adjusted Maddie's weight in his arms a moment, getting more comfortable. He brought his knee up, leaning against the arm of the chair to add extra support. "I've never read Caroline's autopsy report, I've never had the opportunity. But the coroner may not have been able to confirm it was heart rejection... just assumed it when no other cause could be easily deterimined." He paused a moment to take a breath, so many possibilities running through his mind. "We've seen it happen all the time. A lot of poisons aren't easily detected, not all injuries present evidence, they could have injected air into a blood vessel, hiding it in her hair."

"That's definitely something we'll look into." JJ said with a nod. "What else do you suspect?"

The next theory seemed a lot more likely, though Reid didn't hope for it. For some reason, knowing Caroline was murdered made her death easier to bare. At least it gave him someone to blame besides himself.

"The pregnancy itself had to weaken her heart, but... after doing some reading, I wonder if Caroline stopped taking her anti-rejection medication." He said.

Amazed, Garcia asked, "How long would she have to take that stuff?"

"For the rest of her life," He said. "It prevents infection, high blood pressure, cancer, or to cause the heart disease to come back again. It can't stop everything, but it increases a transplant's chances."

JJ was curious. "Does it cause birth defects?"

"I don't know," Reid answered. "I couldn't find any information that could confirm that, and if I can't find the answer, odds are Caroline couldn't either... so she probably didn't want to chance it. Of all the flaws about Caroline, she was not selfish. She'd have done anything to protect her baby."

He looked to the little one as he said that, and the sadness in his voice could not be denied. Gently, his thumb brush over Maddie's hand, like he was trying to be to her. He'd been looking for a sense of kinship with her... he'd nearly forgotten, genetics or not, they both knew Caroline. They knew her better than anyone else in the world.

"Are you okay, Spence?" JJ asked with worry.

"I just keep seeing how much Caroline sacrificed for her child." Reid explained. "She was all alone, she had no money... you should have seen the mess she was living in, and now she gave up her medication... all in an effort to protect her."

He looked to his friends, pleading with them to understand. "And the worst part of it all is no one will ever know how wonderful she was. Maddie will never appreciate what her mother went through for her."

"To know her mother loved her so much, that she risked her own life to protect her and paid the ultimate price for it? To me, that says true love." Garcia informed. "I think Maddie will agree with that. In the end, that's all that matters."

"Yeah," he grumbled, "but it's not that simple anymore. I mean, what am I supposed to tell Maddie about her mother when she asks for her? Her whole involvement with the ring is what lead to Maddie's existence in the first place, and eventually her mother's death. I can only sugarcoat the truth for so long."

It was a very serious matter, but the mood suddenly shifted. JJ took him by surprise once again as she said, very bluntly, "Why does it matter? You're giving her up at the end of 90 days... remember? The responsibility is off you to explain about her mother... she may never have to know."

For a moment, Reid was silent as he let that sink in. "That's right," he said, partially stunned. "I am giving her up."

Exchanging another glance with JJ, Garcia spoke up before the relief of that had a chance to sink in. "You know Reid... you may be having second thoughts about that-"

But he cut her off. Maddie was done with her bottle now, and that gave him the perfect opportunity to slip away. "You know, Maddie always gets tired after she eats, so... I should probably get her home to put her down, if you could let the others know."

"Sure," JJ assured. "I'll stop by in the morning to check on you."

"Thanks," Reid said, "let me know if you guys find anything."

"Will do," Garcia called with a mock salute. Reid adjusted Maddie to settle comfortably on his shoulder, her head resting against him contently as her little eyes began to slip close, perfectly at ease in her father's arms. The girls watched them retreat heading down to the bull pen; the rest of the baby's things waited at his desk.

"I can't believe this!" Garcia squeaked shrilly once he was out of earshot. "After all this, all the progress he's made, he still wants to give her up! How can he be so cruel?"

"The thing is, I don't think he wants to give her up anymore." JJ corrected. "He just... he wants to do what's best for his daughter, and... he's doesn't believe yet that that place is with him."

"So how do we convince him?" Garcia demanded to know.

JJ corrected, "We don't... pestering and badgering him further is just going to make him dig his heals in more. Right now... we need to just to give him time."

Garcia did not look convinced, but they'd tried every other approach. For now, all of this was out of their hands. They could only hope Reid would make the right decision.

* * *

The next day, Emily and Rossi headed to New York City as planned. The ride up was almost silent, Emily keeping focus on Caroline Bailey's file. While her devotion to Reid's old friend was admirable, he knew her constant reading was not an effort to prepare herself on the case. Something was on her mind, and Rossi knew her all too well. It was killing her.

Mount Sinai was in the heart of Manhattan, with one of the best resources for treating congestive heart failure. Caroline was a woman with no money and no connections, which meant if she were being treated here, her disease had progressed so far, there was little hope for her.

That part of the city was busy this time of day, but they made it to the hospital by noon. Dr. Henry Jonas was a well respected cardio-thoracic surgeon, so the fact that the FBI had come to speak to him was a shock to all the nurses who'd overheard. No doubt, the whole hospital would be buzzing about it by the end of the day.

"Hopefully, we don't ruin this guys career by being here." Rossi muttered as they headed down the hall towards his office.

"He should have thought about that before he slept with a patient." Emily said bitterly as they arrived at the door. She knocked three times and waited for an answer.

"Alright, Emily," Rossi uttered with all serious. "When are you going to tell me what's bothering you?"

She looked at him in shock as if he'd just threatened to slap her. "What do you mean?"

"What I mean is ever since yesterday morning, you've been completely antagonistic to just about everyone on the team, especially Blake." Rossi said. "If you were really that determined to keep the team out of this, you never should have contacted me at all."

"That has nothing to do with it!" Emily griped, brushing back her the hair from her face. "I'm just... frustrated."

Rossi, who had a pretty good idea what was bothering her, hide his knowing smirk. "Yeah... I get pretty frustrated too after so long."

She glared at him. "What is that supposed to mean?"

"Nothing," he answered innocently.

No one was coming to the door, so Emily took the initiative to open the door. As suspected, the office was empty. He couldn't be too far, so they stepped in to wait, taking the chairs arranged just before the large oak desk.

About forty silent minutes later, the door finally opened. A thirty something man in a long white coat stepped in, spotting his visitors. The lack of surprise on his face meant he already heard they were there.

"You're with the FBI?" He asked to be sure.

"I am." Rossi said as they both stood, immediately producing their separate badges. "I'm SSA David Rossi and this is Agent Emily Prentiss with Interpol."

"Interpol?" He said in amazement but swallowed nervously. He proceeded to remove his lab coat as if this meant nothing at all. "Well... you'll have to be brief, I've got a CF patient who's about to get her new set of lungs."

"This won't take more than a few minutes." Rossi explained. "We're here to inquire about a former patient of yours."

"Uh, you'll have to be more specific. I've had a few hundred patients since I started here." He was speaking very callously, as if their investigation was just a waste of his precious time.

"Specifically Caroline Bailey." Emily clarified.

He froze as he was about to hang his coat on the rack, struck by the name. His back stood to them, preventing the two from playing off his expression.

He recovered before turning around, a blank yet interested expression on his face. "Caroline Bailey... it doesn't ring a bell."

"She was in her mid thirties, red hair." Rossi explained. "She had congestive heart failure and was on a transplant list for some time before she disappeared."

"Oh, yeah," he finally nodded without showing much care. "Yeah, now I remember. Well, I'm sorry if you're looking for her, but I haven't seen Miss Bailey in... pff, almost-"

"Eleven months?" Emily mentioned. "We know she was your patient and, more importantly, we know you were recently in DC to have a paternity test taken for Caroline's orphaned daughter."

Now he stood shocked, unaware they had known about that. He looked back to the door to make sure it was fully closed before looking back with the utmost fear.

"The test came back negative." He explained determinedly.

Emily held up her hand. "That's not our concern right now, Dr. Jonas. We're more interested about the illegal heart transplant Caroline received after leaving this hospital."

"H...How would... would I know anything... about that?" He'd been so confident a moment ago, but here he was stammering. A definite sign he knew a lot more than letting on. He'd played dumb to Caroline's disappearance for so long, with the truth coming out it was difficult to think on his feet.

"Obviously, if you were in a relationship with her, you had to know she'd not only gotten a heart, but a black market organ." Rossi said. "Now, if I were to guess, Caroline Bailey was not the first patient of yours to go through this process."

"Sources tell us you've bought a new Fiat every year." Rossi added. "Not to mention you were struggling with student loans for a long time, until you were mircaulously able to pay them off within six months. That's impressive."

"I'm a very good surgeon. If your sources were to do a bit more research, you would discover that was the year I passed my boards." He explained. "I had nothing to do with Caroline's disappearance. In fact, until the DC police contacted me, I assumed Caroline had gone home to die instead of alone in a hospital bed."

Emily looked to him severely, "You sound fairly certain about that. She was on the waiting list for UNOS, what made you so certain she wouldn't get a heart in time?"

"Caroline was AB Negative, to find a donor with that blood type with a matching MHC... it was next to impossible. I told her exactly that. See, I do care about my patients, especially someone as special as Caroline. Normally, I tell them to remain hopeful, but she was getting worse and worse every day. In those cases, I advise them to mend fences in their lives. So I told her to contact her family. I knew her mother was alive and... she often talked about an old friend of hers. A guy I figured she still carried a torch for." He said. "When she disappeared, I assumed she took my advice. She found enough strength to return to them. As for the baby, I was just as shocked as anyone. I assume the police had no leads and were covering their bases where ever they could."

He was holding his ground, but Rossi had faced off with a lot more dangerous and determined people than the hard-headed surgeon before him. "See, I don't believe that. Because Agent Prentiss and I have been doing this a long time and we know when we're not getting the full story. We know this group of organ traffickers need some doctors to perform the surgeries and I'm sure those doctors are paid dearly. You knew Caroline didn't have any money and was terrified of dying. She would do anything to save her life... she'd be very willing to take a stolen heart and spend the rest of her life paying off that debt if need be... until a baby came along. A baby you thought was yours."

"So either you threatened her to get an abortion or you cared about her enough to help her escape." Emily added.

It was a sound theory, but Jonas wasn't budging on the subject. "That's an interesting story you agents have concocted. No wonder you put so many people behind bars. The truth is, though, I haven't seen Caroline since she disappeared from the hospital and frankly, if you have anymore questions, I will be calling my attorney, now-" He snatched open the door, giving them a smug expression. "I trust you can show your way out."

They had no choice but to leave, especially now since he mentioned a lawyer. "We'll be in touch." Emily said as they walked out. She'd barely cleared the threshold before Jonas slammed the door.

"He can't actually think we believed him." Emily said as they climbed into the SUV back down at the curb. "I can't help but wonder if those new lungs are even legitimate."

"Tell me about it." Rossi replied as he popped the key into the ignition. As he turned over the engine, he waited for the line of traffic to pass him. "He was way too sure about Caroline's disappearance, he has to know something... and if it's something worthy of hiding, it's definitely something worthy of finding."

Emily had to agree. As Rossi pulled out into traffic, she slumped down in her seat a bit, watching the city move past her window. She'd missed New York a lot. If only she had more time, she'd love to travel with the girls here for a shopping weekend. Nothing cleansed the soul better than a little retail therapy.

"We're doing everything we can for you, Emily." Rossi promised. "I promise, you'll be back home before you know it."

She didn't respond to that. Not even a thank you; just silence throughout the car. At a stop light, Rossi glanced over to find the younger woman staring out the windshield, her eyes glistening slightly. From where he sat, she was like a teenager who was being denied the one thing her parents didn't approve of.

"Is it strange being back in DC?" He decided to ask. It was definitely a Pandora's box, but it still needed to be opened. She wouldn't come to him with her problem, so he had to force it out of her. For her sake.

"Mmm," Emily responded reluctantly. "No... it just feels like I've been on a long vacation. Once I get back to London, it's going to be a real slap in the face. I'll have to get used to it all over again."

"It's always hard to start over." He said kindly. Almost patronizingly. "It took a while before I fell into the right groove returning to the BAU, but I landed on my feet, and you will, too."

"I don't know, " Emily muttered. Her head hung down a bit, suddenly seeming a million miles away. "London... it sounded like the perfect place at first. The next phase in my life, a sense of purpose so I didn't have to feel like I was struggling anymore... but it doesn't feel like a new start anymore... it's more like an escape. And I'm not happy about that."

At that, Rossi went right for the kill, "Well, there is a simple solution to that. Quit and come home."

"I can't come home!" She yelled, sitting up to look at him. "The BAU is just too hard, I can't do it anymore, Dave, I can't. It's just too painful."

"It's not the job, Emily." He argued. "Don't blame it on that, because the job wasn't too hard before Ian Doyle came into the picture."

"Oh, so being hunted and stabbed and having to fake my own death, that's not enough to unhinge a person?" She questioned him pointedly.

"Of course it is," he answered, "but not you. You're a hell of a lot stronger than that. I listened to you take a brutal beating just to save the lives of hundreds of people, including Reid's, and it didn't even phase you. It's not the job that got to you... but it is something."

She glared at him with disdain, ready to savagely murder him if need be. "Okay, Agent Rossi, you're the father of modern profiling; you tell me what that is."

While his stare remained out the windshield, his mouth broke into a smirk. "Well, I'm certain I don't know... but you do. I know you do."

Emily's eyes narrowed into slits as she turned back around, her mind twisted and confused. The rest of the trip home was spent in complete silence.

* * *

Meanwhile, the rest of the team spent the day in a very rainy Quantico. Garcia was feverishly typing away on her computer screens, not even phased when she heard the tap on her door.

"Vous entrée, mon amis!" She called without spinning around.

The door opened at once, revealing both JJ and Blake. "Hey, we got your text. What's up?"

"Well, m'ladies, I did it." Garcia announced. Over her head was a pair of bulky headphones, ideal for getting a wide range of sound. "I have indeed been triumphant and before you bow down and kiss my feet, I'd like to present my findings to you."

"You broke into Caroline's voicemail?" JJ cried with enthusiasm. They were all getting desperate for some kind of break in this case, and it seemed the phone was the only lead they had.

"Precisely," she said with a smile. But it had become uneasy, like she were forcing herself to be cheerful. "It doesn't reveal much, I listened to the new messages and they gave me nothing but a bad case of the chills."

"Really?" Blake questioned. "What did they say?"

"In a nutshell," Garcia said straight forward, "they were nothing but threats. They were demanding and forceful at first and became nothing short of terrifying by the last one... you're welcome to listen to them if you'd like, but the voice was electronically distorted so it's garbled and monotone. There's not much to learn."

"I assume they were trying to track her down?" Blake suggested.

"That would be my guess." She explained. "Not that I would be so inclined to return to someone who was threatening to cut open my chest and rip my loaned heart out..." she paused to take a shudder, "but perhaps they thought she could be persuaded in such a way."

"What about the time?" JJ questioned. "The voicemail had to give dates on each message."

"And times." Garcia was much more happy about that than hearing the messages themselves. "Just like the blocked number in the call list, it was always after 3 am. A little spooky if you ask me. It is the devil's hour, after all."

"How appropriate." Blake muttered with an uneasy chortle.

Garcia continued. "Yes, but even someone as crafty as the devil can't slip through my clutches. I worked a little bit of my patented magic and was able to pinpoint the triangle of towers where each call was made from... as good as it is for us, it was bad news for Caroline."

"How far away were they?" JJ glanced at Blake as she asked, almost too scared to hear the answer.

"It never branched too far out of the Virginia area, but as the months went by, the seemed to follow a path. It looks almost random." She pulled up a map on her screen, each call was labeled with the area of towers used through over the last ten months. "It seems to go back and forth from DC, which meant Caroline was on the move. She must have known they were following her. Someone this dangerous, I would have gotten as far out of town as I could."

"Well... Reid did figure she was trying to stay close to him... for the baby's sake." JJ said.

Garcia finished, pointing out the most recent call. "This one took place about a mile from the trailer park, the night before Caroline was found dead."

Now everyone was silent, allowing this news to sink in. Perhaps they were right all along, and Caroline's death had not been an ailment after all.

"What I can't understand is why kill there?" Blake wondered. "All they cared about was their money, not revenge. They could have kidnapped her, brought her back to whatever headquarters they have and..."

She couldn't finish that thought. All three of them knew exactly what Seres would do to her once she was in their possession, making their money back in full.

"Maybe they thought her body had gotten too weak to salvage her other organs." JJ suggested. "Or maybe they just wanted to punish her. They were too afraid she was going to talk to cops and silenced her quickly."

"Or maybe they didn't even touch her and we're jumping to conclusions." Garcia declared. "I mean, maybe Reid's right. Maybe she just stopped taking her meds to protect her baby."

"Maybe..." JJ said. "Either way, these people are a lot more dangerous than they appear. Who knows what these people are capable of?"

"You guys..." Garcia said carefully. "You guys don't think... Reid might be in danger, do you?"

"Because of Caroline?" Blake asked. "I don't think so, they've barely spoken in years."

"Yeah, but these people probably still want their money... and they're going to want to get it somehow. If they couldn't get it from Caroline, how do we know they won't come after him?" She asked.

They didn't, and that thought was more frightening than a few threats on a voicemail. Some cold blooded butcher could be hunting their friend and they knew nothing about him.

"Let's not jump to conclusions." JJ announced as calmly as possible. "Until we know otherwise, we need to work this like any other case."

"Just saying that reminds us this isn't like any other case." Garcia added. All three silently agreed that could not be more true.

* * *

A crack of thunder struck in the night, followed instantly by the baby's cry. Quickly, Reid threw the freshly laundered baby clothes into the basket and carried it down the hall. It was almost second nature responding to the sound as of late. Given the time, he knew exactly what she needed. The baby's needs were on a regular basis now, almost predictable.

He deposited the basket on the bed. He quickly dug through the bunch of warm jammies and onezies to find the one item he specifically washed for her.

He threw it over his shoulder as he stepped over to the crib, reaching in to grab her. Maddie's little pink face was scrunched up as she called out desperately for help. Something as simple as a growling tummy felt like the end of the world to her.

"It's okay," he assured, pulling her into his arms. "I'm here... let's get your bottle."

It still amazed him how easy it was to hold her now. Falling into his arms quieted her almost at once, though she still whimpered a bit. He managed to balance her as he mixed the warm water with the formula, testing it quickly on his wrist. Just as she liked it, he offered her the bottle, pleased when she took it at once.

"I think we're getting pretty good at this." Reid smiled as he lead her back to the living room. He took a seat in the rocking chair, rolling back in forth at just the speed she liked.

"I've got a surprise for you when you're done." He spoke quietly, barely loud enough for anyone to hear. Like everything he had to say was a secret he and Maddie shared. "I have your blanket... the one you mommy gave to you. I thought you'd like it back."

As if in response, Maddie's little hand reached over and landed on his wrist. Her grip was gentle and yet strong, making Reid feel more connected to her than a moment ago.

"I bet you miss her." Reid said as he looked up. He stared into space as his mind wandered, drifting millions of miles away. "One day she was there and then... she was gone. But you should know, Maddie, that she loved you." He looked down to her again. "She sacrificed so much for you... I wish there was some way you could understand that... I'll never get a chance to tell you."

Reid hadn't been able to forget exactly what JJ had said to him yesterday. She was absolutely right, at the end of the 90 period, he was giving Madeline up. It didn't feel so easy anymore. She wasn't just his alleged child, the consequential result of a one night stand... she was his daughter. He felt like he knew her. And that wasn't something he could so easily just walk away from, no matter how he felt.

"It's not that I want to give you up." Reid tried to explain, as if Maddie could understand any of this... but he felt like she could. "I just... I feel like there's something better for you out there... a real family... something much better than me."

Maddie's eyes were slipping closed, pacified by the sound of her father's voice. "I would make a terrible father, Madeline... these last few weeks have been more than I ever thought I was capable of... a lifetime would be impossible."

He paused as he took a hard swallow, a lump forming in his throat, desperate to just let this go. Part of him, though, felt he'd carried this in secret for two long. Someone should know the truth, even if she was barely six weeks old.

"My father left me..." he uttered with that pain in his chest blossoming again. "All he left me was a note... I remember... sitting in my room, staring out the front window as packed up his car... he didn't even look back as he drove away. That hurt so much, I felt like I wasn't good enough for him... living with that pain... I've really never felt whole again."

He stared down at her again, realizing how innocent she looked in his arms. There were many times he'd been overcome by a sense of protection to her, wanting to guard her from all the dangers of the world... and the biggest danger was himself.

"I don't want to hurt you like that." He said to her quietly. "And I know I would. I can't change who I am, but I can protect you from it. Maybe someday... I'll have the chance to explain it to you fully... and maybe, if I'm really lucky... you'll understand."

After he burped her, he gave her back her bottle, allowing her to finish. "But I promise, I'm not just going to abandon you. That's not fair to you. I'm sorry I almost did that, that wasn't right... you deserve so much better. You're so incredible, you deserve the very best someone can give."

He struggled to swallow again. Saying this allowed should have made him feel better, but all it did was make him feel sick.

As she finished her bottle, and she'd been burped once again, Reid wrapped her in the soft, pink blanket. Maddie relaxed in his embrace, content with a full belly and surrounded by warmth. She needed nothing else in the world.

"I promise, I'll make sure you're given to a good family." Reid promised. "With a loving mom and a devoted..." He stumbled over the last word, as if English had suddenly become his second language. "dad... a devoted dad. You'll have a wonderful life, I promise."

He suddenly felt a pressure in his eyes, struggling to keep from crying. "I feel like we have to say goodbye already... but we have some time left."

She drifted to sleep as she listened to him, all the while looking like a little angel. Reid carefully reached in to brush her hand, the soft skin so delicate under his touch. Maddie responded by grabbing onto his finger, squeezing as tight as she could... and Reid prayed she'd never let go.


End file.
